Yamaha Posted July 4, 2007 Share Posted July 4, 2007 I know you don't want to push her but is it really fair to you? You just can't just cut off your feelings and I think ( as well as you ) that she will leave you and go with the bf. If it was me I would ask her to make a decision. You both can't go on this way. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Driver8 Posted July 4, 2007 Author Share Posted July 4, 2007 We both know it's not fair to me, and she openly brings it up. Still, I think it's best to bide my time and let her figure things out rather than force a hasty decision. That way, even if she does choose her boyfriend, I'll have no regrets. You are right, though, we can't continue like this for much longer. Link to post Share on other sites
rakula Posted July 5, 2007 Share Posted July 5, 2007 Honestly, I don't think talking to her is a good idea. I think she would deny any meaning behind it (as well as the intensity), and I'm afraid of that discussion damaging our friendship. Though there's some chance she could reveal her thoughts on the matter, I don't think it's worth the risk. well it depends on what friendship you are risking. She has a boyfriend and you're in this intense emotional friendship. You would be risking all the sleeping together etc, but the question you have to ask yourself is.. "Is this healthy for me?" What are you going to do when you get a girlfriend? Then what? And lets say you keep this friendship with her. How will you be able to get something healthy with another girl if you are attached to this girl this way. You are hitting a brick wall here. You're trying to go past friendship but you're hitting a brick wall. Either way you look at this it's going to be unpleasant. 1. Fine you talk to her and you lose the friendship. But you can work on a new healthy friendship and find another girl to fullfil your needs. 2. You don't tell her.. You will be constantly in this bind and will be in this rut for a long time. And the longer you are in it the harder it's going to be when it comes all out. Link to post Share on other sites
Snuggle Tiger Posted July 8, 2007 Share Posted July 8, 2007 and she asked me if I loved her. I said yes, she asked since when. I told her as long as I can remember. She told me she loved me. You love her, she loves you. But you also know she loves her B/F. That must have been agonizing, to attend a party with both of them. I assume she is leaving her B/F here for her study overseas, and that she has already left, for what, four months? Carrying out a long distance relationship is hard, double hard when you are not sure where you stand in the relationship. Some things are better said face to face, so if she is still here, you need to talk. Lay it out in the open and tell her how you feel about her. If she is going to keep her B/F, you should tell her you don't want to date others, but if you and her have no future as a couple that you need to try and move on. If she has already left, I believe that as hard as it may be, you need to put a lid on it until she returns. Perhaps you can visit her at school? The picture you have made of her sounds like a sweet and passionate girl, being a great snuggler is one of the greatest things to have and it just gets better from there. The fact she feels GUILT at being with you is in many ways a good sign. If she breaks it off with him, she is not cheating anymore. -Snuggle Tiger Sorry if my message is a little rambling, I have some REAL good painkillers and my feet are floating about six inches off the floor. Zooooooommmmm! :o:o Link to post Share on other sites
Author Driver8 Posted July 9, 2007 Author Share Posted July 9, 2007 She doesn't leave for a few more weeks, but I have been very straight forward with how I feel. She knows exactly what I want, so it's really a matter of her figuring out what she wants. Link to post Share on other sites
Snuggle Tiger Posted July 14, 2007 Share Posted July 14, 2007 OK, its been a week. What's the latest and greatest? Do you have the girl? Does the B/F have the girl? You two still spooning? Because you know...spooning leads to forking! Link to post Share on other sites
nylah Posted July 14, 2007 Share Posted July 14, 2007 I'm sorry but I just have to ask...driver are you a girl? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Driver8 Posted July 14, 2007 Author Share Posted July 14, 2007 The short answers are no, I don't have the girl, and yes, the boyfriend still has her. We are indeed still spooning, but the forking is where it gets complicated. Sex is never planned in advance, so it's impossible to say we're still doing it. It's been a few days, and nobody knows what the future will hold. Hopefully you understand. I do have a story, though. We went to the bar for a mutual friend's birthday several days ago. We left our cars at his apartment, and so we got a ride back there afterward. Though our friend stayed the night with his girlfriend, he allowed us to sleep in his bed because we couldn't drive ourselves home. We had two of our other friends with us at the time, but we not-so-discreetly ran to his room and locked the door behind us as soon as we got to the apartment. It's not a secret that we sleep together, but everyone assumes it's all platonic. So we have sex - in my friend's bed (sorry!) - for about three hours as our other friends watch TV downstairs. The only working bathroom in the apartment happens to be just outside the bedroom, so we have to pause whenever we hear someone come up the stairs. This girl is loud. At one point I put my hand over her mouth because I heard someone and she wouldn't quiet down. We wake up in the morning, our first thoughts are something like, "Oh ****, somebody heard us." Of course, that doesn't stop us from going down on each other in the morning. Afterward, we sit in bed for awhile and discuss the situation. Things aren't looking good for me, but nothing is final. Anyway, finally our friend gets back to his apartment, with his dad and sister, early in the afternoon. His two roommates are back as well, so we go downstairs, say hello and goodbye, and leave. She goes to her afternoon work meeting, and I go home. She comes over after her meeting and takes a nap with her head in my lap. Our birthday friend comes over a little later, and tells us he has a story for us. Apparently, his roommate got back late last night and heard us having sex. We denied it, and he believed us. The weirdest part about the whole thing is that it is all so incredibly out of character for both of us. Our friends wouldn't believe us even if we told them. However, if his roommate heard us, maybe our other friends did too. He plans on asking them at some point, but it hasn't happened yet. I also worry that maybe my own roommates have heard us, and we'll be discovered if people start talking. We go to dinner and come back to my apartment. My roommate and the birthday friend play video games while we take a nap together on the couch in the same room. My other roommate comes in at some point, and says, "I wonder why they're so tired," to which birthday friend replies, "I think I have some idea" - joking, but I know he's thinking about it. And to answer the final question, no, I'm not a girl. I wonder, though, why do you ask? Link to post Share on other sites
nylah Posted July 14, 2007 Share Posted July 14, 2007 Hey Driver....the reason I asked that question is because if you were a girl, then it would explain why the two of you getting together would be out of character....I think you mentioned that you had a girlfriend and she had a boyfriend....so what's so out of character about you two hooking up and having sex...?? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Driver8 Posted July 14, 2007 Author Share Posted July 14, 2007 I say that because we are both very conservative when it comes to actual intercourse. As it stands, we have both only had sex with two people each, including each other. Our friends would never expect this out of us, and even if we came clean, I don't think they would even believe it. If you had asked either of us a week before it first happened if it could ever happen, I think both of us would have laughed at you. Link to post Share on other sites
Trimmer Posted July 15, 2007 Share Posted July 15, 2007 Driver - I think you guys are in denial about a lot of things, which is a great defense mechanism for avoiding dealing with difficult issues. With your friends, "It's not a secret that we sleep together, but everyone assumes it's all platonic." C'mon... They may have believed that at one point, but it's a pretty unusual situation. All they need is one little clue to break the stalemate; they all want to believe that you are "getting some", because that's what makes the most sense, and that's what they would want in your place. So you think maybe they heard you? And they might think you were having sex? And when they said "I wonder why they're so tired," and "I think I have some idea", you think they were joking??? "We denied it, and he believed us..." He might have allowed you to deny it to save face - calling you on it would require a big disagreement, essentially calling you liars, and is it really worth a big hassle anyway? But c'mon... You see, it has probably taken your friends a fair suspension of disbelief to accept that you two are so close, sleeping together, etc. without "being" together or having sex. Maybe they could do it, but it's relatively far out of the norm, so they were probably like inflated balloons, just able to accept the truth as it really is, as long as everything remained stable. But then all they needed was one solid clue that you are actually NORMAL like they expect, and POP! They would be completely willing to believe that you guys are having hot monkey sex while swinging from the chandelier. Heck, they are probably cheering you on! For them, this makes it a much more believable situation; now you're like regular folks. For them to go back to believing you are "platonic" friends at this point would be a serious swim upstream against a strong current. Anyway, your ability to deny - in your own mind - what they know makes it possible for you to ignore its possible consequences at this point. And although you say you discuss it with her, I wonder if there is some level of denial going on between the two of you as to what is really happening in your relationship, which makes it possible for you to ignore its possible outcome and consequences, at least for now... None of this is a criticsm, particularly. I still want updates about running to lock the door so you can have unexpected sex in the house with your friends downstairs, going down on each other in the morning, etc... Link to post Share on other sites
roxy_1980 Posted July 20, 2007 Share Posted July 20, 2007 Personally, I think you guys secretly want to get caught. That way it would be out in the open. Why else would you guys be continually escalating the situation? Sex at someone else's house is bound to be heard eventually, c'mon admit, YOU WANT TO GET CAUGHT!!! PS. She can't be that loud if people can't hear her throughout the entire house! (Course your buddies might be hearing her downstairs and you just don't know it yet!) Link to post Share on other sites
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