ChangeofHeart Posted June 2, 2007 Share Posted June 2, 2007 I have been seeing this guy for a few months now..i like him a lot and we are both attracted to each other but he just cant love again because of past experiences. He says things could change. I'm confused. He's like a friend with benefit now...cus we are not in a relationship but we do stuff and get along really welll..What can I do to help him learn to love again? any advice? Link to post Share on other sites
barbarella Posted June 5, 2007 Share Posted June 5, 2007 You haven't put down much in the way of explanation, but I have been in a slightly similar situation. The answer is nothing. How can you convince someone to be in love? They either are or they aren't - you can't change him, he has to do it himself. You really have only a few options, which I'm sure you know - either (a) continue on with what you are doing with him, (b) step back and be friends until he decides if he's ready for something more, or © move on (i.e. NC). I would be very, very careful with (a); it seems to me that you may have feelings for him, and if you do (a) whatever feelings you have may grow more than you expect and/or plan, and if he doesn't share those feelings then there will be pain. Also, with (a), he doesn't have to change - he gets what he wants and still gets to "not be able to be in love" - that's him using you more than just a little, even though he (and you) may not feel that he is. (b) is also a caution area. If you do (b), you can still be friends but no more benefits - you have to stop trying to make him something that he's not, but still be able to be around him. This means No Physical Contact other than incidental (i.e. accidental, *really" accidental) contact. This means no sitting next to him, no talking with him more than you do your other (male) friends, and above all else no touching/kissing (I would even stop friendly kisses hello until you're sure you can both handle this). This is pretty much the NC rule that others have suggested, but with a modification - if you can be in the same place with him, be his friend. Just don't be his benefits anymore. © is pretty much the best way, though. Go NC. Give him the chance to choose on his own, without your input (and quit trying to change him - it wont work, so don't even try). Get your flirt on with someone else. Do not talk to him or be with him for as long as it takes. Give him the chance to decide if he wants to be in love with you, and more importantly decide if you want someone that you have to convince to be with you. Link to post Share on other sites
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