best friend thinking of marrying wrong man

[elisabeth160]

Ok, so my best friend of almost 8 years is seriously contemplating marrying a man I feel is bad for her. I know, who am I to say?

The back story: She's 21 with an almost 4 yr old daughter by him. He's like 28 I believe. They've been together for almost 5 yrs. On and off. He's asked her to marry him before and she said yes, and then he bailed and left. He's left her many times. And in major ways, like leaving her in vegas with no family and her daughter. Or when she was pregnant, he left her also.

 

Their relationship isn't a healthy one by any means. I know she loves him, but I think it might be out of desperation and fear of being alone forever because she has a kid.

But she came to me yesterday asking my opinion and I told her honeslty I thought she was making a mistake. She is even on the fence about it, or so she tells me. But I believe she's actually considering it.

I love her, she's my best friend. And I'm worried for her. He has nothing to truly offer her. She's so young and doing great and starting her career.

I tried talking her into waiting but he's talked her into starting the process of becoming legal here next week.

 

I'm not sure what my question is, I just don't know what to tell her. I want to be happy that she's happy but at the same time I feel she's making a mistake. I said I'd support her no matter her decision.

How can I show her that she should wait, maybe try counseling to improve their relationship b4 they take such a big step.

I need advice on what my duty as a best friend is for her. Thanks in advance!

[polywog]

Geez, that must be very frustrating to watch. But she's an adult, and I would just lend her your support and (fake) being happy for her despite your feelings. Chances are, she knows (on some level) she's taking the risk because she's had all this history with him. Anyway, she's on some path, maybe to self-knowledge, or maybe even to happiness. She made a choice of her own free will.

 

Besides, who knows how the story will play out in the end?

 

If it ends up a catastophe, just be there for her... easy for me to say, I know.

 

But cripes, we all have crazy baggage, and if it turns out she's putting herself in the sand trap, the nicest, noblest thing you could do is to be there to listen, and not judge or say "I told you so".

 

If she has to tell you her tale of woe, even though you saw it coming, giving her the chance to process it by telling it to a witness, a friend, is a great gift a friend can give. Sometimes when we hear our own voice telling our story to another we have those "eureka" moments. Hence, why LS is so fantastic for so many of us, me as one example here.