SouthernT Posted June 3, 2007 Posted June 3, 2007 Ok...so I was having a conversation with a girlfriend of mine the other day and she went into detail about some "things" she did with this new guy. (I'll spare the details...) Anyways, the bottom line was that I felt like she was behaving like a slut (in so many words) and her defense was that she was confident in her sexuality and suggested that I do the same. So what do you think the difference is between a woman having confidence in her sexuality and just being a flat out slut? Some women dont know when they are behaving like a slut and some women dont know how to let go and enjoy the moment without FEELING like one. What's your take on this?
alphamale Posted June 3, 2007 Posted June 3, 2007 So what do you think the difference is between a woman having confidence in her sexuality and just being a flat out slut? The sexually confident woman's clothes come from Nordstroms and the slut shops at TJ Maxx
IWALH Posted June 3, 2007 Posted June 3, 2007 Well can you be a little more specific on what these "things" are???
Lizzie60 Posted June 3, 2007 Posted June 3, 2007 is the name given by other people to a woman who is confident in her sexuality.
Touche Posted June 3, 2007 Posted June 3, 2007 I don't agree Lizzie. One can be sexually confident without being a slut.
norajane Posted June 3, 2007 Posted June 3, 2007 I thought a slut had lots of lovers, indiscriminately. I never considered sluttiness was about what she actually did with a particular lover.
Lizzie60 Posted June 3, 2007 Posted June 3, 2007 I don't agree Lizzie. One can be sexually confident without being a slut. I said it was the name given by others to a sexually confident woman... there's a difference... First of all, who decides who's a slut and who's a sexually confident woman. What is the quota?
Touche Posted June 3, 2007 Posted June 3, 2007 I said it was the name given by others to a sexually confident woman... there's a difference... First of all, who decides who's a slut and who's a sexually confident woman. What is the quota? Ok, ok I see what you're saying now...still don't agree though. I don't think people call a sexually confident woman a slut if she's not. Anyway, I agree with NJ. It's not about what "skills" and confidence a woman has. That alone doesn't make a woman a slut.
Author SouthernT Posted June 3, 2007 Author Posted June 3, 2007 Well can you be a little more specific on what these "things" are??? She went out to a club and met some guy while on the dance floor and went in the bathroom and screwed him.
Art_Critic Posted June 3, 2007 Posted June 3, 2007 She went out to a club and met some guy while on the dance floor and went in the bathroom and screwed him. That is slutty behavior in my book..Also very dangerous She is showing that she has a lack of self esteem to do such things.. Telling her she is a slut isn't the way to handle it though.. that will do nothing but kill your friendship.. The best way to talk with her about it would be to ask her how it made her feel and go from there.. If she tells you the truth she will most likely tell you she is ashamed
alphamale Posted June 3, 2007 Posted June 3, 2007 naa...she was probably abused or raped when she was younger.
norajane Posted June 3, 2007 Posted June 3, 2007 She went out to a club and met some guy while on the dance floor and went in the bathroom and screwed him. Well, that fits the 'indiscriminately" part of my definition. At best, I'd consider that dangerously reckless, rather than sexually confident.
roxy_1980 Posted June 3, 2007 Posted June 3, 2007 Although I personally hate that term to be applied to any woman, a sexual irresponsible person would be considered a slut. Jumping from person to person in this day and age is not empowering, it's outright stupid. Let's face it, sex with the wrong person can literally kill you. Sexually confident women are those who initiate and explore their sexuality within a committed relationship. They are not afraid to ask their partner to satisy them. Jump some guy in a night club is not sexually confident, in fact, it reeks of desperation. There is no confidence in throwing yourself at guys aimlessly.
underpants Posted June 3, 2007 Posted June 3, 2007 Is just that ....confidence. Someone who just has sex with ...whoever, or regardless of consequence, or has no problem, cheating or knowingly sleeping with people in established relationships actually ...IMHO...suffers from an extreme lack of confidence. Almost as if they need to validate themselves through their 'conquests'. I don't find anything too sexy about someone who just gives themselves away. If you don't value yourself that much....why should anyone else? That being said, true sexual confidence is the inner knowledge that you are attractive, desireable, selective, and can totally get your freak on with the right candidate. While I don't think it is all that ....sexy....to pick up a stranger and screw him or her in the bathroom of a bar. I would not be opposed to grabbing a quicky with my partner in a similar way. Naughty sex is awesome, just a little more...classy... if within the bounds of an established relationship. My .02 Regards, Unders
Lizzie60 Posted June 3, 2007 Posted June 3, 2007 Ok, ok I see what you're saying now...still don't agree though. I don't think people call a sexually confident woman a slut if she's not. Anyway, I agree with NJ. It's not about what "skills" and confidence a woman has. That alone doesn't make a woman a slut. and what makes one a sexually confident woman?
Art_Critic Posted June 3, 2007 Posted June 3, 2007 and what makes one a sexually confident woman? It is not all about sex. It is very much about power, the power that comes from liking and accepting yourself. http://www.oprah.com/relationships/relationships_content.jhtml?contentId=con_200405_confidence2.xml§ion=Sex&subsection=Sex
Trialbyfire Posted June 3, 2007 Posted June 3, 2007 A slut is someone who uses sex for power or personal gain, whether monetary or otherwise. The pleasure derived from having sex is not the act itself or emotions, it's the ego-stroke or validation attached to it. A sexually confident woman enjoys sex and is confident in her body image and herself. She may or may not have an emotional connection but gets pleasure from being with the person she has selectively chosen.
RecordProducer Posted June 3, 2007 Posted June 3, 2007 I don't like the word "slut" for any woman, but I could call certain behavior slutty and i think some women can be sluts in a relationship. My former aunt has had more men than hairs on her head and she cheated on my uncle. I think that's slutty. My ex-husband's cousin had a wife who hit on my ex's brother in front of me; that's slutty. Having a baby from another man and letting your husband believe that it's his is slutty in my book. A woman who would easily cheat, go to bed with anyone and does it frequently, sleeps with her friends' partners or seduces married men on a regular basis just for the fun of it - is a slut. Basically, anything related to hurting somebody through sex can be slutty, but that doesn't mean that if you slept with a married man once or twice or cheated on someone, that you're automatically a slut. If a woman feels like going to the bathroom to screw someone once in her life, just to try out the fantasy, why would it make her a slut? Does she do it regularly, even when she is involved with someone, with her friends' husbands? I mean, c'mon, most of us have slept with someone that we met 3 hours ago or 3 days ago at least at one point in our lives. Personally I don't like any type of casual sex, but if I were single, I'd like to start a big love by screwing someone after dancing with him for an hour, before even knowing his name. Mere sexual fantasy.. anything wrong with that? Does it make me a slut? Well some people like to live their fantasy - and usually get disappointed. Boy, I have fantasies that are totally slutty...
Lizzie60 Posted June 3, 2007 Posted June 3, 2007 http://www.oprah.com/relationships/relationships_content.jhtml?contentId=con_200405_confidence2.xml§ion=Sex&subsection=Sex It is not all about sex. It is very much about power, the power that comes from liking and accepting yourself. A woman who is open-minded, wants to have fun, and isn't counting on getting an engagement ring within minutes of meeting a man has an ease about her that translates as power. By contrast, one who looks like she's on the prowl for Mr. Right and is deafened by the ticking of her biological clock sends a totally different message. And as any guy will tell you, that message is: Run! But if you're comfortable and genuinely happy, others sense it and want it. Women who like where they are in their lives exude an assurance that makes for some very positive vibes in the bedroom.
alphamale Posted June 3, 2007 Posted June 3, 2007 A slut is someone who uses sex for power or personal gain, whether monetary or otherwise. . well TBF, using that definition then the majority of women are sluts.
Trialbyfire Posted June 3, 2007 Posted June 3, 2007 well TBF, using that definition then the majority of women are sluts. alpha, I'm not certain what kind of women you interact with that gives you such a cynical attitude. Is it possibly a reoccurring cycle where you look for the emotionally unavailable so you don't need to get involved?
alphamale Posted June 3, 2007 Posted June 3, 2007 alpha, I'm not certain what kind of women you interact with that gives you such a cynical attitude. sluts, maybe?
whichwayisup Posted June 3, 2007 Posted June 3, 2007 She went out to a club and met some guy while on the dance floor and went in the bathroom and screwed him. But what was the guy? Was he slutty too? Double standard...A guy can sleep with many women and he's a stud, and cool! A woman does that, she's a slut. See, women who loves sex, who are good in bed, who do lots of experimenting in bed doesn't make them a slut! That means MEN are sluts too!
whichwayisup Posted June 3, 2007 Posted June 3, 2007 the difference between a slut and sexual confidence Is just that ....confidence. Someone who just has sex with ...whoever, or regardless of consequence, or has no problem, cheating or knowingly sleeping with people in established relationships actually ...IMHO...suffers from an extreme lack of confidence. Almost as if they need to validate themselves through their 'conquests'. I don't find anything too sexy about someone who just gives themselves away. If you don't value yourself that much....why should anyone else? That being said, true sexual confidence is the inner knowledge that you are attractive, desireable, selective, and can totally get your freak on with the right candidate. While I don't think it is all that ....sexy....to pick up a stranger and screw him or her in the bathroom of a bar. I would not be opposed to grabbing a quicky with my partner in a similar way. Naughty sex is awesome, just a little more...classy... if within the bounds of an established relationship. My .02 Regards, This I agree with. A slut is someone who uses sex for power or personal gain, whether monetary or otherwise. The pleasure derived from having sex is not the act itself or emotions, it's the ego-stroke or validation attached to it. A sexually confident woman enjoys sex and is confident in her body image and herself. She may or may not have an emotional connection but gets pleasure from being with the person she has selectively chosen. And this too.
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