Narcissist Husband who still has a hold on me despite pending divorce

[Reb3425]

Okay, I need help! My husband and I are living apart. Yet I still feel in some ways he has a hold on me. He can be so sweet, kind, loving, etc, but I know he is a manipulator, controller and I am well aware of this when he is talking to me. Why do I keep talking to him? I guess I hope that since I have alerted him of how he is, he will change. I am much happier without him, less stress, better financially. Will he change his narcissitic ways? Do they ever? Now he threatens harm to himself if he cannot have me in his life. I think this is a tactic to get me to contact him. I have filed for a divorce, which of course he does not want. If I know he won't change, why do I feel this connection to him? Although, I seem to be feeling the connection less, why am I so confused? He does not like me spending time with my kids, firends, family. He is extremely jealous, changed the way I look, dress, fell, etc. And financially drove me in ruins. Can anyone help me understand this type of person? How can they tell you they love you? Do they really love or is it a tactic to get back in your life and continue to use you?

[Tony T]

1. Why do I keep talking to him?

 

You are addicted to him. Stay away from him and you'll get over it. One day you won't even give him a thought. It happens to everybody given enough time.

 

2. Will he change his narcissitic ways? Do they ever?

 

Never. Narcissistics will always find someone to give them their supply. If you don't do it, he'll find somebody else. How romantic! Let him suck the life out of somebody else. You go find somebody who will charge your batteries.

 

3. Now he threatens harm to himself if he cannot have me in his life.

 

Probably the best thing for the world if he does. But narcissists love themselves way way way way way too much to harm their glorious self. Ain't gonna happen, promise!

4. I have filed for a divorce, which of course he does not want.

 

Good for you. Let us know when it's final and we'll help you celebrate. He doesn't want a divorce because he'll have to work hard to find somebody else who'll let him suck the life out of them like you have allowed up until now. Hell, here you are divorcing him, he's screwed you out of your life's blood and you still want him around. YUK! He's got a charm with you... Let him go do his work.

 

5. If I know he won't change, why do I feel this connection to him?

 

It's a natural thing. Toxic love is classic. People fall in love every single day with people who are awful for them. A lot of it's chemical. Thousands of years ago, it didn't matter what the man was like. He inseminated the female and moved on. It's complicated today because the male has to stick around, support the family, make the female happy, etc. Narcissistic men simply aren't capable of being concerned about anybody but themselves.

6. Although, I seem to be feeling the connection less, why am I so confused?

 

It's natural. It's very easy to fall for the charm of a narcissist. They are also very unpredictable which is extremely attractive to females. They have some good qualities interwoven around their evil. Just let it go and don't worry about it.

 

7. He does not like me spending time with my kids, friends, family. He is extremely jealous, changed the way I look, dress, fell, etc. And financially drove me in ruins. Can anyone help me understand this type of person?

 

Nope, they don't even understand themselves. They think they are the greatest thing on the planet. They will suck you dry emotionally, physically, financially and every other way. They will take 99.999999 percent and give just a pop enough to keep you around and in the hope that one day he will change and think about you a little. NOT gonna happen, babe!

 

As far as the kids, family and friends, he'll talk now and then about spending time with them but he'll seldom if ever do it. Now, if he could train them all to kiss his butt on command, cook nice meals for him, massage his back and feet, etc., they would see a lot more of him. Hey, this guy is out for HIMSELF. He could care less about anything else. The world revolves around him, plain and simple!

 

8. How can they tell you they love you? Do they really love or is it a tactic to get back in your life and continue to use you?

 

They are incapable of love as you know it. They are only capable of doing what is necessary to keep you around for what they need. Many will have a variety of friends, one for sex, one for companionship, one to feed them, one for this, one for that. They are survivors. I think they most likely evolved from roaches. They are vermin in human form.

 

They ONLY love when there's something significant in it for them. That's not really love. They are users of the worst dimension.

[Trialbyfire]

I was going to respond with my own comments about my ex-husband's narcissm but it looks like Tony has hit all the high points.

 

Truly these vampires will suck you dry. It's not that he's doing some of the things on purpose, it's more that you and your requirements are invisible to a narcissist. We are nothing more than something convenient, although in their own strange ways, they can love but solely love how you make them feel.

 

As for the suicide aspect, once again I agree with Tony. He's not going to do it but if he's threatened, you can and should report him to the local mental health authority. Threats of this nature should be addressed immediately.