Buddhism and Dating - Do I show kindness and understanding...or get laid?

[Tony T]

Lastly, the last line is the one of the worst comments I've seen on forums. To be a man means to love the woman or man you are with. To meditate is to free one's mind of greed, anger and ignorance. It does not mean a person is a wussie. Hmmm...Steven Seagall is a meditating Buddhist and I don't think he is much of a wussie. He's a black belt and very strong.

 

I would recommend getting some basic books on Buddhism (I can give you a list) and re-thinking your attitude on what it means to be a man.

 

Peace...

 

Fa Chan

 

I am proud to hold the distinction of having written one of the worst comments you've seen on forums.

 

Unfortunately, you will never know me, know my mannerisms, know my moods or see my gestures while I talk or type. Therefore, you will never be able to accurately interpret what I am trying to communicate. I have the same problem with other people.

 

Read the original post very carefully. He stated he has a conflict with his spiritual side and the ways of the world. Perhaps I wrote a little sternly, perhaps I chose the wrong words (perhaps I am actually a fallible human being, wouldn't that be something?) but the fact remains that if someone his age starts of being too kind, gentle, considerate, thoughtful, etc. in a relationship with a female in his age group it is not likely he will generate a tremendous amount of interest...or have staying power in that.

 

I have personal experience as well as hundreds of references on the Internet to back this up. Now, since we are being so literal here, understand please that there are exceptions. There are cases when a female will respond positively to such behavior.

 

Now, Steve Segal is an actor. It's immaterial that he's a Buddhist. Steven Segal is a tough guy as an actor, I'm sure he meditates but I'm also very sure that he has healthy boundaries and he's never overly nice, sweet, kind or generous to his lady friends. If he was and still got a positive response, it's most likely because those ladies wanted the prestige of being with a movie star and someone with lots of gold dust in the bank.

 

I urge people to give their own healthy advice to the original poster and let him decide what advice he wants. Chewing up my viewpoints goes nowhere to helping the kind soul who started this thread.

[Fa Chan]

I am proud to hold the distinction of having written one of the worst comments you've seen on forums.

Not something to be proud of.

 

Unfortunately, you will never know me, know my mannerisms, know my moods or see my gestures while I talk or type. Therefore, you will never be able to accurately interpret what I am trying to communicate. I have the same problem with other people.

Sorry, but it doesn't take a rocket scientist to understand your advice.

 

Read the original post very carefully. He stated he has a conflict with his spiritual side and the ways of the world. Perhaps I wrote a little sternly, perhaps I chose the wrong words (perhaps I am actually a fallible human being, wouldn't that be something?) but the fact remains that if someone his age starts of being too kind, gentle, considerate, thoughtful, etc. in a relationship with a female in his age group it is not likely he will generate a tremendous amount of interest...or have staying power in that.

I read it carefully and responded to it. The fact remains that you told him to "be a man" and not a meditating "wussie".

 

I have personal experience as well as hundreds of references on the Internet to back this up. Now, since we are being so literal here, understand please that there are exceptions. There are cases when a female will respond positively to such behavior.

I never said that women didn't want men to be "men". But to say that women in general would find a meditator a "wussie" who is overly affectionate is ignorant.

 

Now, Steve Segal is an actor. It's immaterial that he's a Buddhist. Steven Segal is a tough guy as an actor, I'm sure he meditates but I'm also very sure that he has healthy boundaries and he's never overly nice, sweet, kind or generous to his lady friends. If he was and still got a positive response, it's most likely because those ladies wanted the prestige of being with a movie star and someone with lots of gold dust in the bank.

It's not immaterial that he is a Buddhist. You specifically mentioned manly behavior and meditation and I pointed out that Steven is a Buddhist meditator who is very macho, while being a compassionate person. Your opinion on why women may respond to him positively is based on your own hypothetical assumption with no real basis, since you don't know him nor the women who find him attractive.

I urge people to give their own healthy advice to the original poster and let him decide what advice he wants. Chewing up my viewpoints goes nowhere to helping the kind soul who started this thread.

You know nothing of Buddhism or meditation as evidenced by your references to it so you have no experience nor capacity to respond to the poster as if you did and then give advice based on your misinformation. If your viewpoints are full of misinformation that leads a person to receive unsound and unproven advice then I will point it out every time.

 

Peace...

 

Fa Chan

[knaveman]

Thankyou Fa Chan, for your comments. I'm new to Buddhism and the whole "desire" thing was something that I had read in several books. Although I do believe and love the dichotomy of life thing.

 

BTW...I am proud to be a meditating wussy.

[This_Too_Shall_Pass]

In my opinion, this thread has gone too far into hanging on to particular words and phrases.

 

Sometimes, certain comments on LS may appear facetious, but they are intended in good humor. Buddhism endorses refraining from certain things - but nowhere does it say "You shall not have a sense of humor".

 

A "meditating wuss" might sound blasphemous if you choose to perceive it like that. Perceive it with humor, and you won't be offended.

[Fa Chan]

In my opinion, this thread has gone too far into hanging on to particular words and phrases.

 

Sometimes, certain comments on LS may appear facetious, but they are intended in good humor. Buddhism endorses refraining from certain things - but nowhere does it say "You shall not have a sense of humor".

I don't think Tony was using humor to get a point across. If you read his posting you'll see quite clearly that he REALLY believes what he is writing. Go ahead, read over it

A "meditating wuss" might sound blasphemous if you choose to perceive it like that. Perceive it with humor, and you won't be offended.

I don't think it's "blasphemous" at all. I just think it's misinformed ignorance on his part. I'm not personally offended. But, if you are going to talk about Buddhism (when in reality you don't know anything about it) and then try to draw a correlation between a Buddhist practice and a character flaw, I think it needs to be addressed so that the rest of the people on LS won't be misled by ignorance.

 

Peace...

 

Fa Chan

[Fa Chan]

Thankyou Fa Chan, for your comments. I'm new to Buddhism and the whole "desire" thing was something that I had read in several books. Although I do believe and love the dichotomy of life thing.

 

BTW...I am proud to be a meditating wussy.

Oh you are welcome knaveman. I don't fault what you wrote. My understanding of the Dharma is what I tried to reflect in my post. I don't want you to feel like you don't have a grasp on the subject. You certainly do, but there are many levels on the subject of desire and attachment that can go very deep (deeper than I admit I have gone). Keep reading and learning and meditating and I'll do the same

 

We'll be wussie's together

 

Peace...

 

Fa Chan

[Fa Chan]

If you want to be a good Buddhist, you will give up your attachment to women and sex and be a kind, gentle, compassionate and understanding person. There's a lot to be said about the happiness of practicing Buddhists but Monks rarely if ever have sex.

 

If you want to get laid, drop your Buddhist books and go here: http://ladderwiki.com/wiki/Ladder_Theory Read that and all the references. You'll likely be totally worn out by tomorrow morning....no, not from reading...but from good, powerful sex.

 

Read this too: http://ladderwiki.com/wiki/How_to_recover_from_being_an_IW%2C_and_become_Alpha and link to some of the other subjects at the bottom of the page.

 

Good luck and BE A MAN. Women want to be laid by a MAN, not a meditating wussie. (No offense intended.)

I actually clicked on the first link above and read the same old thing you hear other "theorists" provide as proof. I then read the whole wiki page. I then pulled up the entire English version of the ladder theory document. I read the question and answer sections and this is what I found. I thought ALL the ladies would enjoy what this fine author thought of them:

 

from the following link: http://www.intellectualwhores.com/masterladder.html

 

Criticism:You're just bitter.

 

Answer:Maybe I am. But ladder theory made me that way, my bitterness did not make ladder theory. Attack the theory, not the person behind it. And why does everyone always say I'm bitter just because 99.999% of chicks are bitches?

 

Great theory And such professionalism.

 

Fa Chan

[JerryG]

Wow, didn't think this thread would have continued on this long, but I'm glad to see that it has generated some discussion.

 

In regards to "meditating wussy" comment, I of course took it in stride , and it was in my interpreation that Tony was just using it to overemphasive a point he was trying to make. Of course someone who meditates isn't necessarily a wussy, and it infact quite often is strong mentally and emotionally.

 

I did take a look at the links that Tony posted, and found much of the material to be informative. That is to say, I'm not going use some of strategies given there to become a "player" or to try and engage in purly physical realtionship, but none-the-less it does give an overview of the "laws of attraction" or "courtship" that very often occurs between humans - yes, the ladder theory guy is obviously very bitter, but I do understand that many women just see friends that way.

 

In regards to being a "Nice Guy" or doormat, I don't equate Buddhism with either. I recently started to read "Zen and the Art of Falling In Love", and there is a whole chapter on "true giving" and for truely "being there" for someone, which doesn't mean you cater to one's every need, but must take care of your own first etc.

 

Also, in "Teachings on Love" by Thich Nhat Hanh, the whole first chapter is on self-love (ie. confidence), which is a necessisty if you are truely love someone. In other words, I am making progress and am infact enjoying my life. In fact, i've recenty come across a very nice quirky girl whom I might be asking for a date soon

 

Jerry

[beautifulearth83]

I say do whatever feels the best for your path. It's easy to start getting "laid" and date women. There are advantages in making connections with people always. But sometimes it's easy to veer off into a bad route where you're following lust and not love.

 

Keep your respect for women and for yourself in tact. Do what is good for your path while affecting other's positively. If you are your true self and you are intuitive, the genuine things you desire will come.

 

You're in a fine position for growth friend. Make the best of it.