What does this say about me?

[fancybird]

I went on a date with a guy on Friday...and I couldn't decide if I liked him or not...I was kind of hot and cold.

 

So my behaviour on the date was a bit odd. In fact, I'm afraid I may have been quite rude. At one point we ran into some friends of mine and I didn't introduce him to them. He eventually said that he felt awkward, like I didn't want to be out with him.

 

I appologized for my behaviour and said that I tend to be a bit wierd on the first few dates until I feel more comfortable with someone...which is quite true.

 

At the end of the date he tried to give me a kiss on the lips...I gave him a quick peck and pulled back. Again, I'm not much of a first date kisser, that's just me.

 

After he left I thought about the date some more, and felt horrible for the way I treated him. I also realized that I really did enjoy talking to him, and I do find him attractive and I would like to see him again.

 

So I IM'd him on Saturday night, just to say that I really did have a good time and I appologized for my uncool behaviour again.

 

He was really curt and breif and not at all responsive. Now his IM is always set to "AWAY", so I can't contact him...

 

I'm afraid I may have blown it.

 

Okay..so my questions are two fold:

 

1) Do you think I've totally blown any chance of a second date? Is there anything I can do to redeam myself?

 

2) Why is it my attraction to this guy has accelerated now that he's being distant?

 

Thanks for taking the time to read my long post.

[Just A Girl2]

Well if I were you, I'd email him. If he's on your IM list, you obviously have access to his email address on there, right? Just email him and apologize for how you feel you came across, just explain (like you did here) that you're generally a little 'off' on the first couple of dates with someone, til you feel you know them better....and you hope your distance wasn't construed as a lack of interest....that really, you're a little shy on the first couple of dates. Let him know that despite how things appeared, you really enjoyed the date, briefly tell him why you think he's a great guy (intelligent, witty, interesting, or whatever you thought he was)......and tell him that you'd like to see him again....maybe offer to take him for dinner (doesn't have to be a fancy one....even just to a nice pub or whatever) or to a movie, etc. That's what I'd do. Just don't come across as begging him or like you're desperate cuz that can be a turn-off.

 

And the reason you're likely feeling more interested in him NOW, since he can't be reached by you....is the whole "challenge factor." It's part of human nature, I think......we want what we can't have....we like the thrill of the chase.....we want something more when it doesn't appear we can have it......we like a challenge......we don't like to feel rejected.

 

Is your only way to communicate w/ him, by IM? What about the phone? Though in this case, I'd say that email might be better....cuz it will give him a chance to mull over what you've written....versus him being made to feel 'put on the spot' by you phoning him and telling him how you feel.

 

Hope that helps and let us know how it goes. I'd mail him ASAP...cuz he's very likely feel rejected and like you just weren't interested.

[Tony T]

1) Do you think I've totally blown any chance of a second date? Is there anything I can do to redeam myself?

 

I don't think you'll be hearing from him anytime soon. You might want to consider working on your first date style to give the guys you think you might like a tiny bit more encouragement...or at least not to appear rude.

 

I wouldn't try to redeem yourself. However, you have nothing to lose by writing him a nice email and explaining your behavior to him just as you did in your post. That might help if he'll read it. Otherwise, just sit tight and if it was meant to be between you and him, I promise you'll get another chance.

 

Perhaps he came into your life to teach you something. And if you didn't learn, more will be sent into your life until you do learn.

 

2) Why is it my attraction to this guy has accelerated now that he's being distant?

 

That's always the case. People want what they can't have or that which is not readily available to him. That's natural. Don't get sucked into that trap.

 

Go find somebody who is a little bit more understanding and screw this guy. You IMed him and apologized for your behavior and he hasn't been enough of a human being to accept it. He is NOT the sort of guy you want in your life. Your behavior, in this case, may have been a gift. You have found out that a life with this guy could be absolute hell when you make mistakes. Forgiveness is an absolute requirement of a partner.

[Just A Girl2]

Guess I should learn to pay more attention when reading LOL

 

I misunderstood what you wrote..I was under the misguided impression that you weren't able to make contact with him on IM at all, becuz his status was set to "AWAY"..missed the part before that, where you indicated that you HAD been able to contact him......but he was brief, curt and unresponsive. Hmm. What exactly did he even say? Did you have a chance then to tell him you were sorry if you came across as distant or rude?

[fancybird]

When I IM'd Steve on Saturday night, I tried to make light of the situtation "Hi, it's your ADD date from last night..." and I did appologize. I told him how sorry I was for my odd behaviour, that it's usually just first dates that make me act off and I told him that I really did have a good time with him.

 

He was still very curt and indifferent.

 

But you're right Tony, I have appologized and if he doesn't want to forgive me then I guess it wasn't meant to be.

 

I think I have learnt a lesson here. It still sucks though, 'cause he was an interesting conversationalist.