Is using a secret voice recorder in my spouse's car legal?

[outofdarkness]

Done - sorry it took so long.

Thanks for doing that!

[Herzen]

About this, we most certainly agree - I'm sure there are a few lawyers lurking and giggling at us - thus my two-pronged advice: Check the laws for your state, and don't take legal advice from an internet board.

 

Well, I'm not laughing, but I still believe that the costs of intrusive surveillance substantially outweigh the benefits especially if one resides in a no-fault divorce state.

 

Less intrusive and lower liability risk information gathering alternatives exist. Use them. Throw out the recording devices.

[Lynna]

So now what do I do to the OM? He has a wife and a young child. She deserves to her H preyed on a older woman, stumbling through the world looking for her lost identity, right? She has to know to beware of the possibility she may have been passed a STD (as I do), right?

 

I know you wrote this awhile back, but it is a VERY serious issue, one I face(d) myself so I thought I would reply. I made the decision not to tell the husband of the OW. I decided that it was not my place to inflict that pain on him. If he is really committed to his marriage then he will find out, especially if she cheats again, or they will heal what was wrong and move on with their lives.

 

There were no children involved, and I don't think she was a serial cheater. But I still question that decision, I don't know whether I would have wanted a perfect stranger to tell me about my husband's affair. I would have had serious personal doubts about myself, about why I did not notice the signs myself, I think it would be much harder to recover from that kind of blow of realizing I did not care enough about my husband and my marriage to know there was something wrong.

 

I hope he does find out however, for his own sake as you pointed out. Apparently he was already a very suspicious spouse (for good reason obviously). So maybe he suspected that something was going on himself. I don't know. I figure if he cares enough about his marriage that he will figure it out. But he apparently was very wrapped up in himself which is one of the things that drove her to have the affair. She knows I could tell him at any time.

 

It is an agonizing decision because it is someone else's life. Do we have the right to destroy their happiness, their hopes and dreams, would they want us to? There is no right answer, but boy how I wish there was!

[RecordProducer]

OK, let's look at some case law here... From a New Jersey Court ruling:

Hi Trimmer. Yes, I know about the case in NJ. Different states have different laws. I mentioned the example with the show "Cheaters" which is being recorded in NY.

 

In any case, illegal or not, no spouse will press charges against their own spouse after they've been caught cheating.

[quiet1one1]

In any case, illegal or not, no spouse will press charges against their own spouse after they've been caught cheating.

In an example I know about, this is true. The last thing the want to do is have it exposed for everyone to see.

[quiet1one1]

She knows I could tell him at any time.

 

It is an agonizing decision because it is someone else's life. Do we have the right to destroy their happiness, their hopes and dreams, would they want us to? There is no right answer, but boy how I wish there was!

Yes I can tell at any time and I will. It may be a week, or a month, or six months - I haven't decided. Let him twist for awhile.

 

I feel different. I believe she must know (I would want to) plus, the revenge would be sweet. He ruined my life and M; why would I give a darn about his?

[Trimmer]

Hi Trimmer. Yes, I know about the case in NJ. Different states have different laws.

As I said, I accept that it isn't definitive; I was using it as a counterpoint to your broad statements that you can do what you want if it's your own property and that you don't have a right to privacy within a marriage.

 

I mentioned the example with the show "Cheaters" which is being recorded in NY.

They may get around this by (a) using footage of people in a public place, taken from a public place (i.e. no expectation of privacy) and/or (b) recording camera footage without an audio track. In a state that doesn't have a specific camera provision in its statutes, it may be indeterminate whether hidden camera footage is "illegal" or not, but the audio part of any such recording would still fall under wiretap/recording/interception statutes. I don't watch the show, but do they ever show footage that (a) is taken from a hidden camera within a private place, AND (b) includes an audio track? I bet on any "private" hidden camera footage, they don't record the audio, do they? In NY (which doesn't reference video in their statute) that probably keeps them out of trouble (to not record the audio.) So if that's the case, then "Cheaters" is not a useful example in comparison with the OP's situation.

 

In any case, illegal or not, no spouse will press charges against their own spouse after they've been caught cheating.

I generally agree, but to reiterate a point you very vigorously drove home earlier on, that is irrelevant to the OP's original question:

His question was whether it's legal to do it, period.

[RecordProducer]

As I said, I accept that it isn't definitive; I was using it as a counterpoint to your broad statements that you can do what you want if it's your own property and that you don't have a right to privacy within a marriage.

You're right. Though i would assume that certain situations are exempt from privacy in a marriage. Also, laws differ from state to state.

 

 

I generally agree, but to reiterate a point you very vigorously drove home earlier on, that is irrelevant to the OP's original question

Yes, you're correct. It might be illegal in his state. Nonetheless, i don't think any spouse should worry about that part.

[Lynna]

Good point Quietone. I mistyped though, when I said "their happiness" I only meant the other betrayed spouse, certainly not the betrayer. When/if you do tell them, if you feel like posting and sharing, I would be interested to hear how it goes. But only if you wish to share of course. Good luck!