of asking questions to bf who cheated

[alexa137]

i would like some opinions of people who went through there bf cheating on them--i have so many questions i dont know where to start but everytime i bring them up to him he gets mad and yells at me--which i dont think he has any reason to! its not my fault! some people say what you dont know wont hurt you--i dont know-i mean i was so shocked to find out he cheated since we were intimate 99% in our relationship and i know we both enjoy it very much--all he has is excuses and they are dumb but how do you go on?? i feel so hurt and betrayed- now theres just more hate than anything!

[norajane]

He gets mad at you for asking questions about him cheating?

 

Well, maybe you ought to break up with him and stop talking to him altogether and move on. Then he won't have to deal with your pain and questions.

 

He cheated because he was selfish, self-centered, has no honor or integrity, and put his own wants before your relationship or your welfare. That's really the most important thing for you to know. The specific of why he would say he cheated or the circumstances of his cheating may be unique, but at the core is pure selfish behavior.

 

Hold on to your anger - don't let him manipulate you into feeling bad because you have questions or are angry. He cheated. He needs to suck it up now because you feel 1000 times worse than he might if he even feels any remorse (which it doesn't sound like he does)

[Lizardy]

I agree with norajane. My bf cheated on me early on in our relationship and then didn't tell me about for two years. It's been a year now and we are still working things out but as hard as it's been, it's been worth it. All I know is that if he wouldn't have been willing to sit and talk with me for 1+ hours often wee into the night when I wanted for I don't know how many #s of nights over the past year, we wouldn't be here together right now. If he really cares and he really loves you and is really sorry, he will be there for you and do whatever he can to alleviate your pain. Do not make any exceptions! If he doesn't feel remorse or regret now, he will unlikely feel that way ever. The crisis/climax point of the truth has occurred and that is when a man usually feels most vulnerable to his lover/bestfriend/partner. I would suggest to try to rationalize some of this with him, but don't spend too long. If he can't figure it out soon enough, then he's probably not going to and it's just not worth your time. We're all worth more than that.

[alexa137]

every night is so hard--one night i want him here and the next i dont! and he gets upset-he just wants to forget the past and move on easy for him to say and do! but i seem to keep bringing the other girl up--sometimes just to be smart--i look at him sometimes and hate him! i told myself i would leave if he cheated but its so hard when youve been with someone everyday for over a year especially me since its my first real relationship

how do you move on? i wont forgive and forget though--did you ask alot of questions? im just trying to piece all the things toeghter now like when we lived in the other house--im glad i wrote a diary! i even started making a list of the days we didnt have sex bcause of arguing etc...which wasnt many! hoping he didnt have sex with her and then come to me! he still says that it only happend once 2 months ago but there are still alot of calls up til may 23th???? just want all the truth but he doesnt want to talk anymore! he wonders why i want to know bcause he wouldnt want to know!

[alexa137]

i am so confused i dont know what i am doing day to day since he admitted cheating how do you cope he doesnt want me to bring the subject up anymore but it behind but i cant i ahve so many questions! we argur and fight everyday but he wants to be with me and its just not the same and not sure if it will ever-i cant even have sex with him and we used to everyday the other day he watched me masturbate and last night i gave him a hand job just told him over the phone that he wont get anymore extra special favors in the sex dept and when i tell him if we do decide to have sex to wear a condom i can see how pissed he will be well he shouldnt have cheated! and to make it worse she stratched my car and sliced MY tires on my car! ignorant huh-she should have got his car not mine!

i am supposed to go on vacation next week with family but he wants us to go alone i dont know part of me wants to stay here to watch him which i know is wrong so how do you begin trust after the hurt and betrayal?

[beautifuldisaster]

I truly believe that once the trust has been broken in a relationship, the relationship won't work, that's just my opinion. You can try to make it work, you can try to forget, but you will always be wondering what he's doing, who he's with or if he's still in contact with who he cheated with. It's normal to feel that way and it's mentally exhausting. It's normal to feel anger towards him, this man turned your world upside down. He betrayed you! Of course he wants you to just forget about it, he can't handle the consequence...well too bad for him! If he truly wanted the relationship to work, than he would be more than willing to answer your questions, talk about it when you feel the need and do whatever it takes to help you trust him.

 

I tried to make it work after my, now ex bf's lies and affair.....but I drove myself nuts worrying about him all the time that I became completely miserable! I broke up with him and it's been 2 weeks of no contact and I'm getting stronger everyday. Yes, I still miss him...but as time goes on I miss him less and less. I'm smiling and laughing again because I'm not worried about him and where he is. I know I made the right decision because I'm so much happier being without him than being with him....and this was a man that at one point I thought I was going to marry. I loved him dearly, but sometimes love just isn't enough.

 

You should really ask yourself if you want to live the rest of your life worrying about what he's doing. I know I couldn't live like that. Good luck to you.