I can't believe he's mad at me when he cheated!

[beautifuldisaster]

My story is kind of long but I'll try to keep it brief. I started dating a guy 10 months ago who I thought was the man of my dreams:love:. He was sweet, caring and wonderful to my 2 kids. He was 39 years old (now 40),and never married (now I know why!)This is the first bf I introduced my kids to after my divorce 2 year ago.

 

Around the first month we were together I caught him emailing back and forth with a girl, somewhat sexual things but nothing too bad. I asked him what that was about, he said it was nothing but harmless flirting online and it was nothing to worry about. I asked him not to do that anymore and he promised me he wouldn't. Well, I guess I should have dumped him then because I had no idea how I would be played for the next 9 months:(.

 

I caught him emailing girls 2 more times. I did break up with him but went back to him after him begging, pleading, apologizing and professing his love for me. He made me believe I was overreacting. I was so stupid to trust him after that...even though it wasn't emailing girls that ended up the problem....it was his ex gf that became the issue:(.

 

We started dating in August. In December he started pulling away a little...wanting to go out with his friends more, not as happy. I asked him what was wrong and he confessed he was feeling confused about his feelings for his ex gf, confused meaning he felt he still might love her. I was hurt but I told him to go figure his feelings out, to go back to her if that's what he wanted. He went to dinner with her and came crying back to me telling me he was wrong, that there was nothing there, that he loved me and now he had the closure he needed with her to move on with me. I was still hurt but I swallowed my pride and took him back. We went through alot together the next couple of months, his best friend and his grandfather dying within a month and a half. I was there for him 100%, dealt with all of his emotions, and I was the perfect gf....he even said I was his rock through all of it.

 

Well, apparantly when his grandfather passed away it stirred up emotions for his ex again and he said he's confused again:confused:. I was devastated because I trusted that he had gotten the closure months ago...but once again I told him to go figure out his feelings for her. I told him I would never keep him from where he truly wants to be, but I was mad this time around and didn't know if I would be there if he decided to come back. After a couple of days he told me he was wrong again, that he's not in love with her and wants to marry me. I asked what happened between them and he said they kissed once, it was awkward and there was no passion. I was very hurt that they kissed and didn't really trust that was all that happened, so I took time to think. About a week later, after hearing all his promises to me, and listening to him beg and plead to have me back...I took him back hoping that he finally got the closure he needed. He was wonderful for the next 3-4 months. Doing things with my kids and trying to get even closer to them than he was, going on weekend getaways etc. He promised me they had no contact anymore, that they decided to make a clean break. I trusted that until I saw his phone records about a month later that showed he talked to her on the phone more than he talked to me!! Especially around the time of his grandfather's death! His excuse...they remained friends but he was afraid to tell me because he knew I'd be insecure with them being friends. I was devastated but would stay with him if he cut all ties with her...he agreed and would come onto my phone account to prove it (I could see who he was calling). Of course that never ended up happening...he kept stalling and now I know why.....

 

I finally caught him in a major lie. He told him he was at home sick, so I went to check on him and he wasn't home! I found out later that night that he was at his ex's house for dinner...he told me that they were talking again and he was confused once again about his feelings for her. Once I found that out I was furious and I was not going to let him get away with it. I had a feeling she didn't know we were still together, so I proceeded to text message her telling her what he was up to. I forwarded texts to her that he had written to me to show her I had proof. She called me and we talked for a couple of hours comparing stories and gasping:eek: at all the ways he played us. I guess they were talking throughout our whole relationship and he was telling her he still loved her....she didn't go back to him until the beginning of May because she wasn't sure if she wanted to be with him (when they broke up before he met me, it was because she caught him in bed with another woman)...but he is very convincing and convinced her he was not with me or even talking to me and hasn't talked to me in months.

 

This man was almost leading a double life.....on Christmas morning, he left my house after opening presents with me and my kids, and went to her house and opened presents with her and her daughter. On Valentine's Day he brought her and her daughter a pink rose and brought me and my daughter a pink rose. On Easter he brought her a plant in the morning before bringing me a plant and spending the day with me and my family. He used to meet up with her for lunch, and actually met her once while he was driving my Jeep!! On the nights I worked, he was at her house. I could go on and on. I found out he cheated on every single one of his gf's...wish I knew that before I started dating him! Obviously I would NEVER go back to this man and supposedly she said she never will either.

 

Well, last Saturday night (just days after I found out) he text me talking about wanting to have sex with me (that was his answer to everything and yes, he was always doing and saying inappropriate things). I couldn't believe it but then again nothing should surprise me with him. I obviously declined. The next day I saw him driving towards her house, so I text her telling her I hope she wasn't going back because he was texting me asking for sex the night before. Well, apparantly they had started talking again and he told her he wasn't talking to me, so basically I got him in trouble with her, and get this, NOW HE'S PISSED AT ME FOR TELLING HER !! So after everything he put me through, he's pissed at me for getting him in trouble with the girl he was cheating on me with!!

 

Anyways, I know he's nothing but trouble and I would never go back, but damn I miss him:(! We haven't talked in a week and I have no intentions on ever talking to him again, but it hurts and I'm missing all the things we used to do, places we went and am sad because we had plans for the future. How am I supposed to get over the hurt and major betrayal? How do I ever believe a man when he says he loves me?

[dbtmarley]

" How am I supposed to get over the hurt and major betrayal? How do I ever believe a man when he says he loves me?"

 

By realizing this guy was a loser from the start. You ignored some obvious signs, which is no fault of your own, and of course he took advantage of your trust.

 

If you let this guy affect how you view men on a whole then you have given this loser more power than he deserves.

 

I know the pain you feel is real, but if you really think about how he did you, is he worth it?

[Trialbyfire]

Welcome to the world of the self-entitled...

 

Technically, he had no consequences for his actions. By lying and shedding crocodile tears, he was able to dodge the silver bullet a number of times. It's part of the thrill of the game.

 

Btw, are you certain this woman is an ex? She might not be aware she ever was an ex. Some of these players will lie until they're blue in the face.

 

Kudos to you for playing the endgame and shutting him down. You both deserve to know how bad this guy is. Now he's angry at you for ruining his little fantasy world. How horrible...

 

Right now, you're still raw from the pain of betrayal. You will get over it and when you do, it will feel like a million pounds have been lifted off your shoulders. I wasn't certain I could get over it either but...I did. In some ways, better to be more cautious in the future.

[beautifuldisaster]

Yes she was an ex, I know this through talking to his friends and actually she herself told me. They broke up a month before he and I started dating. She found him in bed with another woman and dumped him, but she never stopped having feelings for him and they always stayed in contact. Apparantly their whole relationship was alot like he and I's relationship...constantly breaking up and making up. He was always in trouble for something that had to do with other women and of course the lies he told.

 

I guess what's bothering me the most is that I'm the one who was lied to and betrayed on countless occasions...but he's mad at me?? I know I should just let it go and move on without even thinking about it because it's so ridiculous....but it really bothers me for some reason. I guess I want him to know that the reason we aren't talking, the reason I hate his guts, and the reason we will never see each other again, is because of what HE did to ME, not because he's mad at me...know what I mean? That I'M not talking to HIM, not the other way around.

 

Something else that bothers me is the thought that she will probably take him back. She's a nice girl and all, but the reason I don't want them together is not because I'm afraid he'll betray her again, it's because then he'll be happy, he'll have gotten one of us and he'll have won. I want him to suffer knowing that he lost me, someone who was nothing but wonderful to him. I want him to feel guilty. He apologized once or twice, but I want more apologizes and I want him to look at me so I can see he's sincere. I want to see some remorse. I would NEVER take him back, but these things might make me feel better.