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Advice on a break up : Priceless


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To make a long story short, my boyfriend of five years broke up with me about three weeks ago. We have both had a lot of stress lately and many little fights. Then, one afternoon he made me upset and I said something mean and he left. I want to give our relationship another chance but I think he feels differently.

 

Actually, I don't know what he thinks and that's why I'm writing. We have been talking ever since the break up and over this past week whenever we talk (and he is alone) he is so incredibly nice to me. However, when he is talking to me around certain others, he is really bitter and short. Any advice on why he is acting like this? To me, it sounds like he is confused and needs more time but there still may be some hope of a second chance?!?

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but there is not enough info there to really know...

 

either way, take a look at why you said that to him... fighting alot is a bad sign....

 

who are the certain others?? that may be it...but they know how you argued...so???

 

I would let him miss you and see what happens...

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It's hard to express everything about my situation in a completely coherent manner because hundreds of thoughts and emotions are racing through my head at once. But here is goes...

 

Three weeks ago my boyfriend of five years broke up with me. I've been a complete wreck ever since. It was definately our time to get some space from each other regardless if we get back together or not. It's a good thing for both of us and I have learned more these past three weeks about myself and relationships than I have my entire life (I am 21). I know that I still have a lot to learn.

 

Anyways, I started taking him for granted (you really don't know what you have until it's gone). Don't get me wrong I appreciated everything he did for me but there were times when I should have been doing things (laundry) and not him. I am very sarcastic at times too and it has gotten me into some trouble because I am taken seriously (I'm really working on this now). We also did not give each other much space during our relationship. I would stop by and see him at work (he works for his dad) and hang out for quite a bit. The entire 5 years we were together we spent 6 months apart in the beginning (he was at school) and after that spent maybe a total of 5 days apart. It is clear that we both needed some alone time to get to know ourselves better.

 

A lot of our recent arguments have been because of all the stress we have both been having. My parents purchased a house for us to fix up, sell, and make some money (they are into real estate/investments). So, we moved from our tiny apartment into this house that needed complete renovation. Before we moved we were excited to move into a bigger place, again to have some space from each other. In reality we moved into our bedroom because the rest of the house was under construction. My dad was helping us at first but then couldn't compromise with us about some decisions so packed up all his tools and left. We were stuck with this house and not a clue of what to do. Slowly and with some help from friends we started progressing but nothing dramatic. On top of this huge stress we have two highly active dogs and I am attending a tough school full time. Also, my dad fired me from work because of our personal problems.

 

Now, since the break up, my ex is trying to finance the house completely in his name in order for us to keep the dogs. I can't finance the house by myself and apartments around here will not let us keep them. My dad has now barged back into the house to help my ex finish it up (in order to finance it) or finish it up for himself so he can sell it. It's nice that he is trying to help my ex but he is being a complete jerk about everything and making it really hard both on me and my ex. Therefore, we are trying to find a way around my dad being here. We want to get him out of the picture.

 

Back to us: I said something mean to him (3 weeks ago) while I was upset as he misunderstood me. He packed up some of his clothes and moved to his father's house ( a mile or so away). The first week was unreal. I wasn't eating, sleeping, couldn't concentrate on school, etc. I continually called him, begged him for a second chance, did all the wrong things. Now, I am going on week 4 and still want to call him all the time just to talk. I still see him quite a bit because of our dogs and him working on the house etc. It's clear that I want to start things all over but during my begging stage he said he made his decision. Now that some time has passed, whenever we talk on the phone or alone he is incredibly nice to me. Like I said, when others (his co-worker and father who recently stopped liking me because of his new girlfriend and that fact that I'm a strong willed women) are around he is bitter and short. Whenever we do talk though "us" doesn't come up because it makes him upset usually because I bring it up the wrong way or he is still confused and uncomfortable. I wish I was able to talk about "us" and find out what's going through his head but I just don't know how to go about doing it.

 

The other problem in our relationship was communication. We both had a hard time of expressing what we really thought or wanted. Most of the time we could work through our problems but towards the end he was constantly misunderstanding me and took things the wrong way.

 

Well, that's the basics about us. I'm sure I left a lot out but it gives you an understanding of what my situation is.

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