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My girlfriend's overprotective mother...

Lunaferian

By Lunaferian,
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Lunaferian

Lunaferian

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My girlfriend and I are both 20 years old. Neither of us have moved away from home yet, but unlike her, I have independence. Her mother is obese, and receives a small government pension every month. My girlfriend has been working since she was 16, and supporting herself, her mother, and her sister. Her sister started working last year (she's 3 years younger than my girlfriend), and neither of them are allowed to keep their paychecks. Their mother spoils her younger daughter, paying for her to get her nails done, and use tanning beds, and buying her pretty much anything she wants. When my girlfriend asks for similar treatment, her mom tells her they can't afford it... We have been dating for almost a year, and she's nine months pregnant. She's still working to support her family, and I'm forced to pay for all prenatal visits, and pretty much anything else she wants. Her mom is threatening not to call me when she goes into labor, because she hates me. My girlfriend and her sister lie to their mom all the time, they want some freedom, and they lie to get out of the house. I usually end up having to give them some money in order to spend even a few hours with her. She won't stand up to her mom, no matter what I say or do.

 

I know I rambled a little, so here's the main points.

  • 20 year old girlfriend, 9 months pregnant, supporting her mom and sister
  • She's not allowed any freedom, having to tell her mom where she is at all times
  • She and her younger sister develop involved lies to gain minimal freedom
  • She won't stand up to her mom
  • She feels she can't leave her obese mom because she *has* to support her and care for her, despite being treated like a second class citizen

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roxy_1980

roxy_1980

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Well, in short, your gf needs to grow a backbone. Frankly, if her mother is getting a pension for obesity, she's in no physical condition to really be able to do anything about it.

 

Your gf needs to tell her mother that she now has a baby to support and cannot support her anymore. Then she needs to move out.

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K-os

K-os

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I'm willing to bet Lunaferian shares your sentiments exactly, as do I. The real problem here is getting his girl to recognize this and do something about it. I've been dealing with a similar problem with my girl for over year now, and while it's not nearly as severe as this sounds, it can be ridiculously frustrating. When someone has been entrapped in abuse for so long, it can be very hard for them to finally break free from it - even if they want to more than anything in the world.

 

Unfortunately, I don't have any real advice at this point on how to fix this situation. Hopefully someone will...

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Enema

Enema

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Roxy is on the money. Your GF is 20 years old, she needs to be looking out for number 1.

 

There comes a time in everyones' life when you stop relying on other people to tell you what to do.

 

Oh, and get a vasectomy!

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Lunaferian

Lunaferian

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Well, Saturday night our son was born. Her mom followed through on the threat, I found out my son had been born more than an hour after the fact, when her mother finally answered my phone call. There was some drama and her mom and sister got her to ban me from the room. I spent 14 hours at the hospital, 11 of those were in the waiting room, walking around outside, or in my car. I went home for a few hours, got a little broken sleep, then went back. She wouldn't answer my phone calls and wouldn't give me access. I sat in the waiting room for a few hours, and then her mom and sister left. Once they were gone I tried again, and she let me in the room. Everything is fine between us, but when her mom is around she won't answer my calls or see me. There's really nothing I can do to make her change her mind about this. All I can do really is wait it out, eventually she'll come to her senses and move out. And before anyone suggests it, there's no way I'm leaving her. We're happy together, it's just when our families come into the mix that there's problems.

 

P.S. He's a beautiful baby boy. Kind of a big one too, 9lbs 7oz, 21in. While I am still upset about the whole thing, I am a proud father! :D

 

P.P.S. In regards to the above post, I'm planning on getting a vasectomy, since she decided she didn't want any more kids after all the pain she went through...:(

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dropdeadlegs

dropdeadlegs

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DO NOT get a vasectomy! You are way too young to do something so radical! I won't suggest leaving your girlfriend, but I won't assume you will be with her forever, or that she won't change her mind about more children down the road. Childbirth has a funny way of seeming unbearable, but the pain memories fade pretty quickly.

 

As for your situation, I feel for you. Be prepared to spend a lot of time fighting to visit your own child if your girl continues to live with her mother. I'm sure Mom doesn't want to lose her meal tickets and have to actually support herself. I could go on and on about how lame THAT is, but I'm sure everyone knows how pathetic Mom is...

 

Mom probably dislikes you because she sees you as a threat to losing her income source.

 

Can you see yourself living like this years from now? If your girl refuses to leave and stop supporting her Mom, I don't see how this will get any better. Soon your child support dollars will be lining Mom's pockets, too.

 

You might want to consider paying direct expenses, like diapers, and keeping VERY good records on the expenses you pay. I would seek legal advice about how to contribute to support while being sure the funds are spent on your child, not nails and tanning for sis.

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dropdeadlegs

dropdeadlegs

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I forgot to congratulate you concerning your son's birth. He is a big boy! :)

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Lunaferian

Lunaferian

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Thanks. As far as the vasectomy goes, I'm not going to rush into anything. I have plenty of time to decide for sure, and I'm looking into the new methods of 'vasectomy' that are easily reversible most of the time. Either the plug or the gel, not sure which one is more effective, but I know it may be a while before they become mainstream. Originally she wanted 3 kids, but she is saying there is no way she wants to go through this again, she did have a somewhat difficult pregnancy, having several risky problems with her blood. I do think she may change her mind, that's why I want to do something that is reversible. However, I am assuming I'm going to be with her forever. You may think that's crazy, but I know there is no way I'll ever be with anyone else. I haven't been with anyone else before, and she is honestly the only person I've ever wanted to be with. I really came here looking for a shoulder to cry on I guess, I know there's nothing I can say or do to make her change her mind about moving out. She knows that the way her mom treats her is unfair, and she sees how much it hurts me, but she has spent her entire life under her mom's control and she can't bring herself to break free. I won't stop trying, hopefully she'll eventually see the light and the three of us will live together in relative tranquility, but until then I'm going to do everything I can to see my son, even if it means kissing up to her mom...

 

Again, thanks for everything that's been said.

 

Oh, and about the expenditures, I've got that covered. I'm getting a extra credit card for her, and I've made her promise me that she would use it solely for our son and herself. I've loaned her my credit card before and I know I can trust her with it, so I'm not worried about anything regarding that.

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