icemaiden Posted June 4, 2007 Share Posted June 4, 2007 Hi Everyone. I really need some advice. I am due to marry my partner in a few months and although I love him dearly and still think about him all the time theres one thing really worrying me at the moment - lack of sex!! We probably do it once a month average, sometimes once every two months and its driving me nuts. He seems quite contents to leave it from one month to the next but Im not. We both live together on our own house and both work, normally his excuse is he's tired but so am I and I manage to get in the mood. Its like he just doesnt want it anymore. There is about a ten year age gap between us - me being 25, which again worries me because Im still young and even though I appreciate weve been together a few years and that things do die down I still think once a month is rubbish for someone my age. Id be happy with once a week which I dont think is asking alot. Hes always been quite a private person, he never gives anything away when it comes to emotions or how hes feeling about stuff so everyimte I try and talk to him about it he just says Im nagging him and to stop keeping on - so it just never ges talked about. I know hes watched things he shouldnt have on the TV because they came up on our bill so the urge is obviously there. people say Im attractive and I get attention from other blokes and I have a good figure so whats wrong? I have never strayed and I trust him and know he hasnt. Ive suggested spicing things up toys/watching p0rn together/role play everything its like its falling on deaf ears. He says he still loves me but does he if he doesnt want sex with me and wont talk to me about it? Its like I have to "put up and shut up". I dont want this as my marriage I want him to want me like I want him. I dont want to stray - it is getting harder but all Im asking him for is some love and abit of excitement injected back into our love life and to feel wanted. Any advice would be great. Thanks Link to post Share on other sites
polywog Posted June 4, 2007 Share Posted June 4, 2007 Have you discussed this problem with him? Link to post Share on other sites
Author icemaiden Posted June 4, 2007 Author Share Posted June 4, 2007 I have tried but he hates talking about it. If I left it alone completely we would probably never have sex! If i try and talk about it he says Im nagging or im giving him a headache. Hes not a very good talker Link to post Share on other sites
hotgurl Posted June 4, 2007 Share Posted June 4, 2007 I would postpone or call off the wedding. It is not going to get better after you get married. Tell him you are postponing the wedding and why and tell him you need pre marital counseling. More troubeling than the lack of sex if the fact that you can't talk to him Link to post Share on other sites
Mr. Lucky Posted June 4, 2007 Share Posted June 4, 2007 I have tried but he hates talking about it. If I left it alone completely we would probably never have sex! If i try and talk about it he says Im nagging or im giving him a headache. Hes not a very good talker You know when you go to the movies, you see "trailers" before the main feature which are designed to whet you appetite to see the film when it is released? You're getting a similar preview of your marriage here. Does it make you want to plunk down your hard earned money and buy a ticket? I'd bring all marriage plans to an absolute halt until this is resolved to your satisfaction. Too much at stake to do otherwise... Mr. Lucky Link to post Share on other sites
Je Ne Regrette Rien Posted June 4, 2007 Share Posted June 4, 2007 I've so been there an done that and it's so frustrating! My ex worked many hours a week, would rarely initiate and we had only been together 3 years when we were going for upto 2 months without it. When we did have it, it wasn't as enjoyable either because I was constantly thinking "Is he even enjoying it or is it a mercy sh*g because I have asked for it?" I tried it all. Sexy underwear, initiating, dirty talking, watching porn together to try and see what he liked, not asking for it (so I became more of a challenge), nagging, not nagging - everything. And I wish I could offer you a solution. But in our 4th year I started to feel very unloved, looking for attention and affection elsewhere and finally I finished it. The bizarre thing, that after we ended, he was constantly coming on to me! Go figure! Link to post Share on other sites
Author icemaiden Posted July 8, 2007 Author Share Posted July 8, 2007 OK Thanks everyone. Ive actually had a good couple of weeks. Ive been out with my friends more enjoyed myself and generally kept away from him at home, Ive not tried to initiate anything and while now its still been a while Ive decided if he doesnt want to sleep with me then its his problem not mine, at the moment the wedding is on hold but the major thing I have realised is that - its him not me!! and Im normal and Im attractive. If things dont work out then theres plenty more fish in the sea Link to post Share on other sites
Enema Posted July 9, 2007 Share Posted July 9, 2007 There's not much you can do if he doesn't realize there's a problem and want to do something to fix it. You've tried talking to him with no luck. Time to make him wake up and realize this isn't going to go away. As other people have said, tell him you're calling off the marriage until this issue is resolved. If he wakes up to himself, get him to a doctor. There can be medical reasons for this and I'd always suggest a doctor before counselling. Link to post Share on other sites
guitar71 Posted July 11, 2007 Share Posted July 11, 2007 hard to understand lack of sex drive in a guy - most guys would like to have sex practically all the time.... would he refuse sex if you wanted it? maybe he needs to be sent to GuyCourt and get rewired..... i'd let him know outright that you want a lot of sex - and that most guys in the universe would be overjoyed if their mate said the same (if he knew what was good for him he'd oblige).... Link to post Share on other sites
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