thelittlespoon Posted June 4, 2007 Share Posted June 4, 2007 My boyfriend and I have been together now for a little over 2 1/2 years. We have been living together for one year so far. Our relationship is great, we are very deep in love, and extremely happy. So what comes next? The prospect of marriage, naturally. Boyfriend has just recently started saving up for my engagement ring, which probably won't make its way onto my finger until next year, but he's starting to put his money aside. I originally told him that I don't want anything too expensive, but he has it set in his mind that he is going to give me a $3,000 ring, which I think is just downright ridiculous. I know it's about $4,000 for 1 carat, but I's be happy with just a simple white gold band. He says that he refuses to give me a "$500 piece of crap ring" because it will be on my finger for the rest of my life. Okay, so I can't get mad at him for wanting to give me the "perfect" ring, but I think he's nuts to spend even more than $1,000.00. We could put that money towards a down payment on a house, new furniture, or even the dog we are planning on getting. I find this all rather humorous because he is typically pretty frugal, except when it comes to electronics, and apparently now an engagement ring. Link to post Share on other sites
Star Gazer Posted June 4, 2007 Share Posted June 4, 2007 I will never understand the girl who turns down a more expensive ring. Never. When it comes to engagement rings, size DOES matter. hehe. Link to post Share on other sites
Author thelittlespoon Posted June 4, 2007 Author Share Posted June 4, 2007 LOL well... I wouldn't turn it down... I'm afraid to wear a ring the expensive. I'll be constantly worried that I'm gonna lose it or chip the diamond or something. I guess I should stop complaining and feel special that he loves me enough to want to spend that much on a ring for me. I still think it's way too much for him to spend, though. Link to post Share on other sites
Lizzie60 Posted June 4, 2007 Share Posted June 4, 2007 My boyfriend and I have been together now for a little over 2 1/2 years. We have been living together for one year so far. Our relationship is great, we are very deep in love, and extremely happy. So what comes next? The prospect of marriage, naturally. Boyfriend has just recently started saving up for my engagement ring, which probably won't make its way onto my finger until next year, but he's starting to put his money aside. I originally told him that I don't want anything too expensive, but he has it set in his mind that he is going to give me a $3,000 ring, which I think is just downright ridiculous. I know it's about $4,000 for 1 carat, but I's be happy with just a simple white gold band. He says that he refuses to give me a "$500 piece of crap ring" because it will be on my finger for the rest of my life. Okay, so I can't get mad at him for wanting to give me the "perfect" ring, but I think he's nuts to spend even more than $1,000.00. We could put that money towards a down payment on a house, new furniture, or even the dog we are planning on getting. I find this all rather humorous because he is typically pretty frugal, except when it comes to electronics, and apparently now an engagement ring. Unless he's buying 'time'... sorry couldn't resist... Seriously...it is a lot of money...it's fine when someone can afford it...but when you have to 'save' to get a ring like that...it's silly. Tell your bf that you want to choose it...and choose something more reasonable... Expensive rings are not necessarily the nicest... Unless you are a 'connaisseur' no one can really tell the price of bling bling... A $10 000 ring for me could look like a 500$ ring... I would never spend that much money for jewelry... Link to post Share on other sites
polywog Posted June 4, 2007 Share Posted June 4, 2007 LOL well... I wouldn't turn it down... I'm afraid to wear a ring the expensive. I'll be constantly worried that I'm gonna lose it or chip the diamond or something. I guess I should stop complaining and feel special that he loves me enough to want to spend that much on a ring for me. I still think it's way too much for him to spend, though. Diamonds don't chip.... remember it's the hardest thing on the planet, they say. I think it's incredibly sweet that he is insisting on getting you this ring. This is coming from me, who posted on an earlier thread that I don't care for fancy engagement rings. It's the fact that the gesture means so much. Yeah, maybe the money would be "better" spent on something more practical, but so what? Money is just... money. You'll have enough for the furniture and house when the time comes. In the meantime, bask in the fact that you have a generous man who enjoys the symbol of giving you that ring. That means a lot. Say hello to NE Ohio for me, it's my original home... a great place, beautiful! Go to Burton and buy some apple butter in my honor, or get to the Mesopotamia General Store and get some of the great popcorn they sell there! Link to post Share on other sites
tanbark813 Posted June 4, 2007 Share Posted June 4, 2007 it's the hardest thing on the planet Second hardest. Link to post Share on other sites
polywog Posted June 4, 2007 Share Posted June 4, 2007 Second hardest. I was expecting pelagic to be the first one to take that line I fed to the LS universe.... well done... Link to post Share on other sites
WarriorPoet Posted June 4, 2007 Share Posted June 4, 2007 Tell him to buy you a nice ring, ie setting, for now and latter you and he can have a larger diamond set. For now place a small diamond or even your favorite stone, other than a diamond, in the ring. In the future when the two of you can afford it you can buy a larger diamond in the ring. I bought my fiancee a VERY expensive ring, we were convinced we would never leave each other and she left me a month ago. Now I have VERY expensive ring that I can't do anything with and if I try to sell it I prolly wont get anywhere near what its worth. Not to mention if he cant afford the ring he is really going to hurt the both of you finacially if he gets a ring that is too expensive. They'll let you finance anything, nomatter how bad you CR is but you'll pay through the nose. Link to post Share on other sites
WarriorPoet Posted June 4, 2007 Share Posted June 4, 2007 LOL well... I wouldn't turn it down... I'm afraid to wear a ring the expensive. I'll be constantly worried that I'm gonna lose it or chip the diamond or something. I guess I should stop complaining and feel special that he loves me enough to want to spend that much on a ring for me. I still think it's way too much for him to spend, though. This is why the ring should be insured 24hrs after it leaves the store, sooner if possible. Link to post Share on other sites
K-os Posted June 4, 2007 Share Posted June 4, 2007 This sounds frustrating. I would personally hate it if my girl insisted on buying a ring so expensive for me. I would feel bad just wearing it. But at the end of the day, it's probably a pretty small problem. It is JUST money. Hopefully the three grand won't put you guys out too much, and you'll get an awesome ring that fits your style and personality well. If he's going to throw a fit every time you suggest something with a bit lower price tag, the least he can do is make absolutely certain to get something that fits you and not what he thinks all girls want in a ring. What would really concern me at this point is if he continued to totally disregard your wishes about the ring and other things. Like if he assumes that bigger is better and all women love giant gaudy rings in yellow gold, and wouldn't budge on getting a ring you just didn't like. That would show a complete lack of understanding and interest in your real needs. I would also be a little concerned if he became so focused on the price that nothing you could say or do could talk him out of it. But something tells me that if you found a ring you loved at under a $1000 and insisted about how much you loved it, he would eventually concede. Good luck! Link to post Share on other sites
catrocks Posted June 4, 2007 Share Posted June 4, 2007 This sounds frustrating. I would personally hate it if my girl insisted on buying a ring so expensive for me. I would feel bad just wearing it. But at the end of the day, it's probably a pretty small problem. It is JUST money. Hopefully the three grand won't put you guys out too much, and you'll get an awesome ring that fits your style and personality well. If he's going to throw a fit every time you suggest something with a bit lower price tag, the least he can do is make absolutely certain to get something that fits you and not what he thinks all girls want in a ring. What would really concern me at this point is if he continued to totally disregard your wishes about the ring and other things. Like if he assumes that bigger is better and all women love giant gaudy rings in yellow gold, and wouldn't budge on getting a ring you just didn't like. That would show a complete lack of understanding and interest in your real needs. I would also be a little concerned if he became so focused on the price that nothing you could say or do could talk him out of it. But something tells me that if you found a ring you loved at under a $1000 and insisted about how much you loved it, he would eventually concede. Good luck! But why would you assume that just because she would be happy with a $500 ring and he is wanting to spend $3000 that he is automatically going to get a big tacky yellow gold thing? I don't get that. I'm sure that if he is talking about proposing and wanting to get her the best ring he can he's not going to get something tacky that she would hate.... I understand where you're coming from but I don't really think your comment makes sense. I had something similar when I got engaged.... I told him to spend like $500 and get a cz ring rather than diamond because I thought it was silly to spend that amount, and my fiancé said he wanted to spend more than that because it would be something I'd wear forever and he wanted to get me the best ring he could. He didn't have to save for it though, he paid by credit card and had it paid off in 6 months, so it wasn't like a huge money issue. Anyways he ended up buying me the most beautiful ring which I absolutely love.... and NO it is not a big tacky yellow gold ring, it's white gold 3/4 carat princess cut diamond, and while I would have been as happy with a $500 diamonique or whatever, I have to say I think it's really sweet that he wanted the best for me. I feel like I've just written this in another thread.... anyways if he is wanting to spend that amount and can't really afford it then suggesting you pick out a ring together for slightly less is a good idea, but I think it's lovely that he wants you to have the best. And I'm sure that your guy knows you well enough to know what you'd like.... I don't think money comes into that equation, it's a matter of taste. Link to post Share on other sites
K-os Posted June 4, 2007 Share Posted June 4, 2007 I think you misunderstood me. That was just an example of something to watch out for. Because if something like that did happen, you'd probably agree that she would have a bigger problem on her hands than a disappointing ring. But I said in my post that this most likely isn't a big deal and that she'll probably end up with an amazing ring she'll fall in love with because of it. Did you read my entire post? Spending a lot of money obviously doesn't automatically equal tacky ring. But a guy who won't listen to what his girl wants might. Probably not in this situation, but it's a possibility. Just something to watch out for, that's all. Link to post Share on other sites
catrocks Posted June 4, 2007 Share Posted June 4, 2007 I think you misunderstood me. That was just an example of something to watch out for. Because if something like that did happen, you'd probably agree that she would have a bigger problem on her hands than a disappointing ring. But I said in my post that this most likely isn't a big deal and that she'll probably end up with an amazing ring she'll fall in love with because of it. Did you read my entire post? Spending a lot of money obviously doesn't automatically equal tacky ring. But a guy who won't listen to what his girl wants might. Probably not in this situation, but it's a possibility. Just something to watch out for, that's all. Yes I did read your entire post. I agree that would be a problem and I must have misunderstood what you meant, so sorry for that. She didn't say that he wasn't listening to what she wanted though. Did you read her entire post? Link to post Share on other sites
allina Posted June 4, 2007 Share Posted June 4, 2007 I will never understand the girl who turns down a more expensive ring. Never. When it comes to engagement rings, size DOES matter. hehe. Engagement rings are tricky though. I know exactly the ring I want. It has a beautiful, sort of fancy yet classic platinum band and a 1.5 carat round or princess cut quality rock. With a good quality diamond this ring would cost 8-10K. However I would prefer this ring with a high quality 1.5 carat white topaz. My SO would gladly get me the expensive diamond but I just don't see the point, a beautiful topaz means as much to me as a diamond and the ring will still be absolutely beautiful. Not only will this be much cheaper than even a tiny low quality diamond, it will be more beautiful Link to post Share on other sites
quankanne Posted June 4, 2007 Share Posted June 4, 2007 maybe y'all could compromise: Tell him that if he wants to set a $3,000 limit, it's okay, provided he takes your personal tastes into serious consideration. Then start circling jewelry store ad flyers whenever you see a ring that suits your tastes and style. His heart is definitely in the right place when he wants to "do right" by you this way, and hopefully, he'll also listen to your suggestions on the kind of ring you prefer. That way, you'll both be happy with what you end up with. on a side note, it's never too early to let your man understand that your tastes don't run to certain things. With me, it's jewelry in general, and diamonds in particular – my husband knows I feel that I look better in silver, and that I much rather have colored stones than white ones, which just seem too dang cold, IMO. However, I am willing to compromise on special occasions, like when he bought me a 10th anniversary ring that had a small, tasteful diamond on it. Not that I like diamonds any better, but I'm very touched that he kept in mind my desire for something simple. Link to post Share on other sites
Author thelittlespoon Posted June 4, 2007 Author Share Posted June 4, 2007 But why would you assume that just because she would be happy with a $500 ring and he is wanting to spend $3000 that he is automatically going to get a big tacky yellow gold thing? I don't get that. I'm sure that if he is talking about proposing and wanting to get her the best ring he can he's not going to get something tacky that she would hate.... I understand where you're coming from but I don't really think your comment makes sense. I had something similar when I got engaged.... I told him to spend like $500 and get a cz ring rather than diamond because I thought it was silly to spend that amount, and my fiancé said he wanted to spend more than that because it would be something I'd wear forever and he wanted to get me the best ring he could. He didn't have to save for it though, he paid by credit card and had it paid off in 6 months, so it wasn't like a huge money issue. Anyways he ended up buying me the most beautiful ring which I absolutely love.... and NO it is not a big tacky yellow gold ring, it's white gold 3/4 carat princess cut diamond, and while I would have been as happy with a $500 diamonique or whatever, I have to say I think it's really sweet that he wanted the best for me. I feel like I've just written this in another thread.... anyways if he is wanting to spend that amount and can't really afford it then suggesting you pick out a ring together for slightly less is a good idea, but I think it's lovely that he wants you to have the best. And I'm sure that your guy knows you well enough to know what you'd like.... I don't think money comes into that equation, it's a matter of taste. I'm not worried about him picking out a tacky ring - he is really into clean, classic looking jewelry. He bought me a beautiful heart-cut ruby and white gold ring for Christmas that I just adore. He really does want to get me the ultimate engagement ring. He made it a point to let me know that. Whereas I am not picky, it is important to him to find the absolute perfect, most special ring that he can. I am very honored that he feels that way, but I don't want him to over extend himself. He's also wants the proposal to be of great proportions. He wants it to be a complete and utter surprise, catching me when I least expect it because I am impossible to surprise. He wants to be like this knight and shining armor or something! LOL He needs to realize that he already IS that to me! Link to post Share on other sites
catrocks Posted June 4, 2007 Share Posted June 4, 2007 I'm not worried about him picking out a tacky ring - he is really into clean, classic looking jewelry. He bought me a beautiful heart-cut ruby and white gold ring for Christmas that I just adore. He really does want to get me the ultimate engagement ring. He made it a point to let me know that. Whereas I am not picky, it is important to him to find the absolute perfect, most special ring that he can. I am very honored that he feels that way, but I don't want him to over extend himself. He's also wants the proposal to be of great proportions. He wants it to be a complete and utter surprise, catching me when I least expect it because I am impossible to surprise. He wants to be like this knight and shining armor or something! LOL He needs to realize that he already IS that to me! Aww, he sounds really sweet. He obviously wants to make it a proposal you'll never forget. I understand what you're saying though, it doesn't need to be so epic, if you want to marry him and he proposes it's going to be amazing anyway, even if you totally know it's coming and the ring doesn't cost thousands of $. But it's really sweet that he wants to do it all properly and traditionally and surprise you he obviously wants to make you happy. Perhaps you could try compromising like some other people suggested? There are plenty of beautiful rings around for less than $3000 (as I'm sure you're aware) - maybe if you show him some you like for $1000 or less he might change his mind about spending all that money? Whatever happens, it sounds like you're going to get an amazing ring Link to post Share on other sites
K-os Posted June 4, 2007 Share Posted June 4, 2007 She didn't say that he wasn't listening to what she wanted though. Did you read her entire post? I know she didn't say, "Help! He won't listen to me at all!" in her original post. But she did say that she wanted him to spend less money, and that so far he wouldn't do it. I took that as a slight indication that maybe he would continue to disregard her feelings. I knew it was only a very slight chance, but worth mentioning just in case. I agree with everyone else that's been saying this isn't that big a deal and that he probably just wants to make extra sure she's taken care of. Link to post Share on other sites
catrocks Posted June 5, 2007 Share Posted June 5, 2007 I know she didn't say, "Help! He won't listen to me at all!" in her original post. But she did say that she wanted him to spend less money, and that so far he wouldn't do it. I took that as a slight indication that maybe he would continue to disregard her feelings. I knew it was only a very slight chance, but worth mentioning just in case. I agree with everyone else that's been saying this isn't that big a deal and that he probably just wants to make extra sure she's taken care of. Sweet, well I'm sorry I misunderstood what you were saying. It's been a long week already Link to post Share on other sites
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