Remain friends or be distant and aloof?

[CaliGuy]

I don't see how I can be friends with her either. My plan isn't to necessarily be friends, but just be casual acquaintances enough to the point where hopefully the buildup causes her to want more.

 

And it's this line of thinking that is keeping you from healing and will keep you from meeting the right woman. The one God intends for you to meet all along.

 

But you'll figure this out eventually. I mean, you've already admitted that she keeps breaking your heart over and over. She doesn't respect you. Without respect there can be no foundation for love.

[NorCalDave]

And it's this line of thinking that is keeping you from healing and will keep you from meeting the right woman. The one God intends for you to meet all along.

 

But you'll figure this out eventually. I mean, you've already admitted that she keeps breaking your heart over and over. She doesn't respect you. Without respect there can be no foundation for love.

 

 

I see what you're saying. Maybe she hasn't respected me because I have always been so available and I haven't respected myself in the past by being her "yes" man....what I am saying is this.

I want to do the right thing.

But...I am not over her. I know that I am not.

But, if I can find the strength through God to carry on with my life without her, maybe in time she will respect me enough to start pursuing a relationship again.

That is my only hope.

I am not going to go through every day pining for her and jumping at every chance I get to be with her.

She won't ever respect me that way. You're right.

But if she sees that I am making improvements to my life, that I am developing a closer relationship with God, that I am taking care of myself....then not only will I RESPECT AND LOVE MYSELF, but she will also develop a deeper respect for me because she won't see me as weak anymore.

Maybe at this point we will BOTH be in a better position to be with each other.

But I'm not planning on it. I know she is still emotionally unavailable and she needs time to work on HERSELF too...

 

So....CG.....I know I am not over her. Doen't hurt to be honest right?

But, if I can follow the right path and just take care of myself, maybe in time she'll develop the respect for me that is necessary to us getting back, because you're right, respect is a necessity.

The only reason we got back together last fall was because she RESPECTED the fact that I had left her alone NC style for 7-8 months.

She respected me because I had the strength to leave her be.

Now if I can do it again, leave her be, and go on with my life, maybe we stand a chance again. That's all I'm saying.

It will be difficult, but that's why God is on my side, to help me through.

[CaliGuy]

You will not rebuild your confidence and self-assuredness if you hold out the slightest bit of hope for her to come back.

 

Because everything you do, everything you say will be centered around her when it needs to be centered around you.

 

The only hope you have with her or anyone else is to stop thinking about how to win her back and start focusing on how to win YOURSELF back.

 

Read the book I suggested. I've said it about 6 or 7 times now. If you don't read the book you won't heal or understand what you have done wrong in the past. As long as you are seeking her approval you will not only NOT win her back, but you won't be healthy when the right one does come along.

 

See what I am saying here? As long you as you cling to the idea of getting back together with her you are literally guaranteeing that it will never happen.

[NorCalDave]

You will not rebuild your confidence and self-assuredness if you hold out the slightest bit of hope for her to come back.

 

Because everything you do, everything you say will be centered around her when it needs to be centered around you.

 

The only hope you have with her or anyone else is to stop thinking about how to win her back and start focusing on how to win YOURSELF back.

 

Read the book I suggested. I've said it about 6 or 7 times now. If you don't read the book you won't heal or understand what you have done wrong in the past. As long as you are seeking her approval you will not only NOT win her back, but you won't be healthy when the right one does come along.

 

See what I am saying here? As long you as you cling to the idea of getting back together with her you are literally guaranteeing that it will never happen.

 

 

You know what, I completely agree with you. I know what you mean.

When I am done painting my room I will read that book.

I can say that I am focusing on myself, but if I am subconsciously hoping for her to come back, I won't ever progress and be happy alone and be where I want to be.

Question.

What do I do if she sees how independent and strong I am and she starts to pursue me again?

I know the way she is, and if she sees that I am continually unavailable and happy by myself, she will show more and more interest.

How do I act when she comes back again?

Do I tell her that I am happy by myself and don't want to get hurt again?

[underpants]

I swear, you make me consider finding myself a 25 yr old, to make my love slave.

 

First off, why don't you at least begin to read this book that Cali suggested. It is not an assignment that you have to complete in one sitting. Why not just read a few pages here and there before going to sleep. Take your time with it and do it slowly, enjoy and ponder what it may offer you.

 

Now, when I read your posts I notice something. You go on and on about the changes you are making and how much you are improving. However, they all end with you pondering how your behavior/growth/changes will effect your ex. This is circuliar logic. Get off the merry go round of how what you are doing effects her. Trust me this will help you. As Cali said all of the obsessing is almost ensuring that it won't work out again.

 

I am hoping that since you did not see you ex at the gym that meant you took my advice to go at an alternate time then she stated she would be there. I hope you can do this for the rest of the week. Let her miss you. Give yourself the space to be on your own. If you see her at church have someplace you have to be right after. If she asks you to go for coffee or such just say, 'you know I would love to but I have another engagement, it was good to see you, I gotta go', and get away from her. Yes, this will bother her.

 

I have said this, but I will remind you that you can't manipulate someone into changing their character. I have no doubt that you could manipulate her into wanting to have sex with you again, or even casually date you again, but there is no real change coming from her. At best just a familiar conquest. Sorry, but that is how I see it.

 

Now, since you like my web analogy so much, I will give you another. During this gift of introspection and time to yourself, you might think of her as this very beautiful black widow. Sleek and perfectly proportioned, but alas, deadly and full of toxin. I have known a few women like this and have seen the damage they do for their, ahem, entertainment. I distance myself from predatory types because it's a no brainer. Everyone knows that black widows are nasty bugs that can hurt you.

 

Keep a safe distance from her and allow yourself to fully detox from her. At her age I just don't see her having any wake up call, not a genuine one. You though, I think (I assume other contributer's to this thread might feel the same way) have a chance.

 

Regards,

Unders

[madgun68]

Dave,

 

There's one thing you seem to be forgetting.. Every time you hook up with this woman, she eventually takes off (due to the inability to commit/whatever) and you wind up with your heart being shredded in the process.

 

You say you're changing? Fine. What about her? Has she changed at all, or are you both setting things in motion to complete yet another cycle of what's happened in the past?

[CaliGuy]

MadGun, that is an excellent point.

 

Dave is doing all the changing, she is not. Even if he became perfect to her in his OWN eyes, she is still going to be the same commitment phobe she was before. The same one who told him she wanted to be with the other guy who had money.

 

He's just not seeing her with 20/20 vision and in turn he's wasting his life on someone who's not fit to be with any man right now.

 

I don't understand why he is putting off reading the book. He hasn't even started on it and he's still stuck in a perpetual circle.

 

"The definition of insanity is doing the same things over and over expecting different results each time."

 

He's doing the same things over and over and nothing is changing. Especially about her.

[NorCalDave]

I am forgetting about that part.

I can change, and I will. I will read the book too, I promise.

But will she?

Will she make the changes necessary for us to be together?

Probably not. Who knows.

Maybe she will 5 years from now. Maybe never.

Relationships take 2 people working towards a common goal, not just 1 person.

I can do all the changing in the world but it won't matter if she's still in cahoots with her ex and still not facing her own demons.

She needs therapy, and lots of it. She needs to let go of her ex, her past, and all her pain, before she will ever be ready to share her life with someone else.

Now, to her, a commitment is something she runs from because it seems to be the scariest thing in the world, even when she's got a good guy like me.

This is because of her past. She equates commitment with "loss of power", and "loss of self" because her mom and all her controlling boyfriends have done a great job of suppressing and controlling her.

So, this makes her the person she is today.

Instead of a commitment being a unifying of two souls together, with a foundation of love, she sees it as scary and something to run from.

It's tragic. It's something I have no control over.

It doesn't matter if I do all the changing in the world, if she doesn't change, then I will end up with a broken heart once again.

I see your points.

Thanks.

I guess my hope is she can get better, and heal, but I guess the best thing to do is just walk away and leave her be.

Sucks. Really sucks. Cause I love her so much.

[underpants]

Time is on your side and you are seeking knowledge in your time of pain. This is commendable and if you give her credit for anything maybe in time she will be a lesson that helped you become a better person, even if heartbreak was the price.

 

I loved my ex very much but he was/is? very damaged and hurts people to satisify...who knows? I spent a while trying to communicate with him and reason with him to see how insanely selfish he was and how much of a wake of damage he leaves, but his arrogance and twisting of things mixed with entitlement and utter lack of respect for others was just too much. That and the fact that he wouldn't leave me alone even while sleeping with his ex. I suspect they were dating while we were together, and that I was just a pawn to get them back together. I also know now, that he has multiple strings of exes that he 'checks in on'. He insists that these are his good friends, however, he is not friends with their husbands or boyfriends and his exchanges (I know because I got to experience being his ex) were ...inappropriate. I was even okay with our relationship being over once the truth was out, but he still wanted a relationship with me and would just come over or leave presents at my house, or 'do' things for me. He was very manipulative and I am sure he knew exactly what he was doing. I felt alot of anxiety during those months. Then one day I realized that I just did not need to deal with being forced into a friendship with someone who had such little respect for me, just because I tried to care about him while we were together. It is hard to give up on someone, especially someone you care about and that you were close to. I am sure he is doing fine however and has moved on or backwards several times over. I kind of feel bad for who he winds up with as even our good times were mixed with cruelty. Now that he has been completely out of my life for ...um...around 4 months I can say the anxiety has diminished and if I think about him all I really feel is mild disappointment. I'm actually excited (good anxiety) about a date I have on Sunday.

 

Keep posting, and let us know how you are doing. You will have good days and bad days. You will even have really boring days that make even the bad drama seem like something to do. Eventually you will come out the other end and probably laugh a little at how crazy someone elses problems made you.

 

You gonna be okay,

Unders

[madgun68]

Dave,

 

I would suggest that, if you decide to walk away and you know she's still interested in you, that you have one final talk with her. Let her know the score.

 

Tell her that as much you may care for her, she can't give you something you NEED in a relationship. Commitment. I would also tell her that because you have these feelings for her, that you cannot be friends either. (There's just too much temptation for you.)

 

The reason I suggest this is because, although you cannot change her, perhaps she'll see what she's missing out on and decide to make those changes herself. If she never does, then you know how she truely feels about you.

 

You aren't telling her that you're better than her.. Just that you deserve better than what she's giving you in a relationship.

[NorCalDave]

I said I would walk away and that seems to be the consensus right thing to do...but I don't know if I have the strength to say no to her....maybe a few times I can do it and have the satisfaction knowing that I was strong, but after that I will probably give in and start to do things with her "as friends" again....and this friendship will once again be torture to me as I am sooo frickin attracted to her...so what is there to look forward to, really?

Yes I can say no a couple times...but I seriously doubt I will be able to continually resist her.

How can you resist someone who you think about 24/7?

Is it possible?

Is it possible to continue to resist the person you want to be with?

When I am with her, it's like time stands still.

My heart skips a beat.

All that stuff.

So, I am just thinking, if I try to have this casual friendship with her, I am just setting myself up for pain once again.

Honestly, my relationship with her feels like a bad dream.

One day it's blissful and euphoric, and the next day painful and dark.

One day she's by my side, in my bed, in my arms, and another day she's completely aloof.

The thing that bothers me is there is nothing I can do about it.

Nothing.

I have no power over her. Only myself.

I don't wish to control her, but I just wish....I could alleviate her fears....it just seems that her fears keep telling her not to pursue me....I saw how she was looking at me the other night, and I know for a fact that there was interest there...I mean, we said bye and I was getting into my car and she drove up to my car and wanted to keep conversating...I mean, she likes talking to me, she is attracted to me....why doesn't she want to be with me all the time like I want to be with her all the time?

Whatever. It is what it is.

I am going to trust in God that he knows what is best.

What else can I do?

[CaliGuy]

You can start by reading the book I suggested you read.

 

That or continue to struggle trying to find answers that are already written for you, when all it takes is a little self-discipline to READ.

[NorCalDave]

You can start by reading the book I suggested you read.

 

That or continue to struggle trying to find answers that are already written for you, when all it takes is a little self-discipline to READ.

 

 

No More Mr. Nice Guy

[passionpeach]

NCD.

 

in my opinion, i don't think you should close your doors on anybody. everybody deserves second chances and sometimes you also have to take into consideration that nobody is perfect. it's not everyday that you will find somebody to fall in love with or someone who will love you in return. though the person fails at some point, it doesn't necessarily mean that she you guys could never be at good terms again. being friends with her is a very good stepping stone to something bigger. of course, you have to take it slow and don't expect too much lest you end up hurting again. just let if flow...

[Trialbyfire]

NCD.

 

in my opinion, i don't think you should close your doors on anybody. everybody deserves second chances and sometimes you also have to take into consideration that nobody is perfect. it's not everyday that you will find somebody to fall in love with or someone who will love you in return. though the person fails at some point, it doesn't necessarily mean that she you guys could never be at good terms again. being friends with her is a very good stepping stone to something bigger. of course, you have to take it slow and don't expect too much lest you end up hurting again. just let if flow...

Ummm...you might want to know that he's already spent over three years with assorted second chances.

 

NCD,

She's not worth the continual effort. Get tough with yourself and get out.

[NorCalDave]

Some breakthroughs, for both of us.

Where do I start.....

....After Wednesday's flirt-a-thon we ended up running into each other at the gym Saturday...more flirting, more catching up....which led to us sitting down next to each other at our spiritual center Sunday.

We worked out afterwards together, laughing and flirting more.

Our church (Spiritual Center) had an annual picnic yesterday, and we went together.

Our reverand is an awesome guy and he sat down with us, like a mediator, and asked us all these questions because he's seen us together, apart, together, apart...it was like for the first time we had couples counseling. It was great.

We have been keeping things light and carefree, but he got us down to the nitty gritty.

We communicated alot of things, forgave each other, and acknowledged that we have a connection that we don't really have a clear direction of where it's going.

We actually talked alot about it when we left too, and talked about how all this "courting" and "building it up" is healthy...instead of just jumping in the sack and letting sex complicating things...she said, "we should be friends, for now."

We are now both competing hardcore for a fitness challenge (Met-Rx) in which the winner wins $100k.

I have 7 weeks to get in the best shape of my life.

So it looks like we will be working out twice a day together, and keeping it light and friendly and of course, flirty.

We ate dinner at her house afterwards, and it seems all barriers are down.

We were communicating better than we ever had in our 3 years of knowing each other.

I get the sense that to her, security and $$ are very important factors in a relationship. She wants to feel safe and stable, financially.

She didn't admit it, but part of her wanting to get back with her ex a couple months ago was financially based. I found out HE REJECTED HER because he said they can't go 5 minutes without fighting and he thinks she wants him for his money only.

But I can understand her perspective, at 49, being a low income hairstlyist, that money and security are important.

Her ex can give her things that at this point in my life, I am unable to.

But she said she doesn't want to be fighting every 5 minutes with her partner...she wants to laugh and be happy and feel alive, all 3 of which she has with me...

....so we'll see what happens....I have a goal to compete hard for this contest, and winning that $100k will make a world of difference. Maybe we will both win it! And our $$ problems will be over! That would rock.

So for now, we agreed we are friends, building back our relationship and enjoying the same things we like to enjoy with each other: the gym, our spiritual center, and dates and stuff.

All of which is fine with me. I am sexually attracted to her, but I had no problem refraining yesterday...it seems like she really wants to work towards something instead of letting sex complicate things...

 

...I am going to keep being cautious and a bit distant, but after this weekend, with such good communication and intimacy again, it feels really good being her friend again. It seems she wants more but just wants to go slow. We almost kissed a few times but we both pulled away at the last second, agreeing that we need to go very slow and proceed with caution because of our history.

So, we'll see what happens. As long as we are on the same page, I don't see why this friendship can't work. Especially since I got the vibe from her that she simply wants to set a healthy foundation before we go back into relationship mode. Training for this contest together will probably bring us closer in a healthy way, too.

Whatever happens, happens. Giving it up to God.

[stace79]

My question for you would be: What do you want in your life? Do you want to have a stable relationship that leads to marriage? Do you just want a physical relationship?

 

If you want the former, I would say run away. I think something I've learned through counseling and just life is that sometimes our wants/needs just don't match someone else's, and it doesn't mean we should change or accept less than we want. It just means we're different. Trust me, I still haven't changed completely yet, but I'm getting there.

 

Maybe this woman will just never want you the way you want her to. And no matter how many games you play or how much you manipulate each other, she isn't going to change. And who wants to live the rest of his life playing a game? That sucks.

 

Unless of course you just want the physical relationship. I almost think you enjoy doing this to yourself...

[NorCalDave]

My question for you would be: What do you want in your life? Do you want to have a stable relationship that leads to marriage? Do you just want a physical relationship?

 

If you want the former, I would say run away. I think something I've learned through counseling and just life is that sometimes our wants/needs just don't match someone else's, and it doesn't mean we should change or accept less than we want. It just means we're different. Trust me, I still haven't changed completely yet, but I'm getting there.

 

Maybe this woman will just never want you the way you want her to. And no matter how many games you play or how much you manipulate each other, she isn't going to change. And who wants to live the rest of his life playing a game? That sucks.

 

Unless of course you just want the physical relationship. I almost think you enjoy doing this to yourself...

 

 

I don't want just a physical relationship. And I don't necessarily want marriage or kids. I simply want to be with someone who makes me happy.

So many people have a checklist of the things they want in a partner.

They need a certain amount of income, they need to know they can have children, they have to be a certain age, they have to be this or that.

I don't know what my checklist is...maybe I don't have one.

I simply enjoy being with her. I enjoy her company, her smile, her laugh, her energy, her beauty, her passion for life, and even her spunky attitude.

I don't know how to characterize what I feel for her, and I think she would say the same thing. But we have this connection that always leads us back to each other. We don't have the energy to hate each other and we were just saying yesterday, that whenever we see each other, it feels so new and real.

Yes she has broken my heart a couple times, and I have done some stupid childish things to her. We both forgave each other yesterday.

She might not be the "one" for me.

She might not be able to give me everything I need in a partner.

I might not be able to provide her with the security and financial stability she seeks in a partner.

I am aware of the reality of the situation.

We may just be two people who are attracted to one another but cannot give each other what the other needs.

What I do know is we enjoy our time together, and we never argue. We differ on points like anyone does, but it just feels good to be with someone who makes you smile and laugh. And when we look into each other's eyes, something happens. I don't know what though. But something.

I am not just in this with her to "get laid", like everyone seems to assume.

I genuinely have love for her. But she does have a lot of demons and baggage that she says she is attacking and healing from.

If she is the one for me or not, only God can say, but right now, she is in my heart and I can't deny the love I feel for her. And apparently she has alot of love for me too. She just doesn't feel comfortable committing and doing the sex thing just yet.

So, I am open to any possibility. I am not set on us getting back together.

I would like to, but after our conversation with the reverand yesterday, it's clear that maybe we just want different things in life. She wants to settle down and not work, and have the $$ support to do that, and I just don't have the $$ to support her, and I am not at the point in my life where I am ready to give up sex.

So, maybe I am coming to the point where I am accepting we are 2 different people who just really like each other's company....we tried twice and it didn't work. Things would have to be MUCH different if it we were to try for a 3rd time, and I just don't know how much things will really change.

However, if 1 or both of us wins this $100k contest, things COULD change.

We'll see.'

Any input is appreciated.

[CaliGuy]

Dave, you've had tons of input. The problem is it isn't what you want to hear. The advice you have been given from many is to extracate this woman from your life.

 

You can't.

You won't.

 

You can not trust her. She's broken that. You will never have a happy, healthy relationship with her because the past has clouded your future together. You're not at the same points in your life. She's made it abundantly clear she is commitment phobe.

 

You want what she can not give you.

 

Isn't it time you accepted that it isn't meant to be and put your focus on healing and moving on? How many more back and forth's do you need to go with her before you get off the merry-go-round?

 

You keep doing the same things over and over. You keep expecting different results. Do you remember what that is defined as?

 

Insanity.

[oppath]

Go to a different church, go to a different gym, make new guy friends, tap into their masculine energy and eventually date other women.

 

This woman is toxic. She is not a friend. She is not good for you. I don't care what electricity you have, the circuit breaks too often. It's shoddy wiring. That's why there are sparks.

 

I too am reading No More Mister Nice Guy -- most of it doesn't apply to me -- but how I became after my breakup, and how I've irrationally held on...if someone dumps you once, it is over. Hell or high water for a second chance, and if they do it again, they are dead to you. Drop this woman this second. It doesn't make you a bad person.

 

You are not currently getting your needs met. When you are in a relationship with her, you aren't getting your needs met. get your needs met on your own, and when you attract another woman, make sure she meets your needs. Assert more boundaries. Be more selfish. You didn't do these things with your ex; you are not doing them with her now.

[NorCalDave]

Dave, you've had tons of input. The problem is it isn't what you want to hear. The advice you have been given from many is to extracate this woman from your life.

 

You can't.

You won't.

 

You can not trust her. She's broken that. You will never have a happy, healthy relationship with her because the past has clouded your future together. You're not at the same points in your life. She's made it abundantly clear she is commitment phobe.

 

You want what she can not give you.

 

Isn't it time you accepted that it isn't meant to be and put your focus on healing and moving on? How many more back and forth's do you need to go with her before you get off the merry-go-round?

 

You keep doing the same things over and over. You keep expecting different results. Do you remember what that is defined as?

 

Insanity.

 

 

Agreed. I guess it's tough to see clearly when you're in the bubble.

[NorCalDave]

Go to a different church, go to a different gym, make new guy friends, tap into their masculine energy and eventually date other women.

 

This woman is toxic. She is not a friend. She is not good for you. I don't care what electricity you have, the circuit breaks too often. It's shoddy wiring. That's why there are sparks.

 

I too am reading No More Mister Nice Guy -- most of it doesn't apply to me -- but how I became after my breakup, and how I've irrationally held on...if someone dumps you once, it is over. Hell or high water for a second chance, and if they do it again, they are dead to you. Drop this woman this second. It doesn't make you a bad person.

 

You are not currently getting your needs met. When you are in a relationship with her, you aren't getting your needs met. get your needs met on your own, and when you attract another woman, make sure she meets your needs. Assert more boundaries. Be more selfish. You didn't do these things with your ex; you are not doing them with her now.

 

I know, I need to be more selfish. I never thought about it as once they dump you twice they are dead. I do agree.

I appreciate all the advice. I just don't know if I have the strength to end it once and for all.

We worked out this morning and had another great time....but I get caught up in the "feel good" of it all, instead of seeing it for the big picture like ya'll are seeing....I need to get out of the little bubble I'm in and start to see clearly.

I want to get my needs met and I am probably being stupid by still keeping in relations with her. Once I step away and look in, I see it for what it is.

Wow. So I should totally ditch her huh. This will be tough.

[underpants]

Dave,

 

I have a girl friend that is 45. I described your situation to her and she laughed and said...."boy toy". This lady has had her share of bad relationships also and prides herself of her past 'trophy girl' status. She wants nothing to do with nice "boring" guys. She admits that she has had a few casual relationships with men whom she never took seriously. I don't understand her logic sometimes, however we are in different stages of life and use each other as a sounding board. Sometimes (for me) to learn what not to do. Sometimes, I honestly think she wants (expects even) some rich suave man to come in and rescue her, that she deserves it on some level because of the bad relationships she choose to engage in and her own trials and tribulations that came from those choices. She seems set in her ways and also, if I push her she gets defensive and cries about her past. I don't know if there are any parallels to her and your lady, but I don't see my friend ever really being happy with someone else, because she prefers to hold onto past hurt and has this sense of entitlement (without contribution) that I just don't get.

 

If you or your ex won 100k. I don't see that as improving the core issues between you two. Money makes things easier, but not better.

 

Yes, I think you should let her go. She has shown you twice what she will do. Don't be her "boy toy".

 

Now, go read that book, paint your room. Start thinking about your future.

 

Take care,

Unders

[NorCalDave]

Dave,

 

I have a girl friend that is 45. I described your situation to her and she laughed and said...."boy toy". This lady has had her share of bad relationships also and prides herself of her past 'trophy girl' status. She wants nothing to do with nice "boring" guys. She admits that she has had a few casual relationships with men whom she never took seriously. I don't understand her logic sometimes, however we are in different stages of life and use each other as a sounding board. Sometimes (for me) to learn what not to do. Sometimes, I honestly think she wants (expects even) some rich suave man to come in and rescue her, that she deserves it on some level because of the bad relationships she choose to engage in and her own trials and tribulations that came from those choices. She seems set in her ways and also, if I push her she gets defensive and cries about her past. I don't know if there are any parallels to her and your lady, but I don't see my friend ever really being happy with someone else, because she prefers to hold onto past hurt and has this sense of entitlement (without contribution) that I just don't get.

 

If you or your ex won 100k. I don't see that as improving the core issues between you two. Money makes things easier, but not better.

 

Yes, I think you should let her go. She has shown you twice what she will do. Don't be her "boy toy".

 

Now, go read that book, paint your room. Start thinking about your future.

 

Take care,

Unders

 

Your friend and Alicia are very similar. Al is very broke right now and actually just showed up to my work in her workout clothes and asked me for $20 because she is broke. This was after a dramatic workout with her last night in which she became wayyyy over sensitive when I told her her shoulders need some work.

I gave her $10 so she could eat lunch, and I have no problem paying for her when she's flat broke, but again, there is nothing in this quasi-relationship for me. It's all about her. All about what she wants.

Our conversations have to be centered around her, and I almost feel like when I am talking, she is just waiting her turn to talk about herself.

Whenever the focus is on me and not her, she seems to squirm and tries to deflect it back to her.

Last night she told me, "I don't know if I can see you anymore, you make me feel like a failure."

I was like, "What??????? Because I critiqued your shoulders?"

We are workout partners and we need to motivate each other and constructively criticize each other's bodies for the better, so we can be in the best shape of our lives....but she took it personal when I critiqued her shoulders and gave me attitude all night last night, and ended it with that comment.

A couple times I told her she is being ridiculous and I started to walk away and each time she called me back saying, "Don't go, why are you leaving?".

I explained because she is being way over sensitive and kind of mean.

She said, "Everyone else tells me I look like I'm in great shape, all the trainers, my coworkers, everyone. But you tell me I don't look good."

I was like, "I never said you don't look good! I said you need to work out your shoulders harder."

Talk about being over-sensitive!!! Man, I couldn't believe her.

Some people are sooo insecure. What am I supposed to lie to feed her ego like everyone else does, simply because she looks great for her age?

 

Yeah, I get the feeling she is waiting for a rich, older suave guy to come and rescue her too....she wants me to be that guy, but I am neither rich nor old, so that's why she has dumped me twice.

She can barely support herself, is way too over-sensitive, vain, selfish and insecure, and has so many different personalities that you never know what you're going to get.

No wonder her ex doesn't want her back. He thinks she just wants to use him for his $$, and he's probably right.

I am blown away by her actions last night.

And then to come in my work and ask me for lunch $$ today, with no kiss or hug?

I mean, come on....

[Trialbyfire]

Wow NCD. She's incredibly selfish, self-centered and emotionally immature. You're the only one who can stop your little brain from taking over your common sense and self-protection mechanisms.