Ex being very hot and cold...don't know how to react

[peechy06]

After 2 months of being broken up my ex has been contacting me ever since I started NC. Part of the reason why I think he has been contacting me is because I am home for the summer and we only live a half hour away from each other. Anyway, he has been texting me and telling me he loves me and misses me and he asked me out last week to dinner 4 days in advance. We ended up not going out to dinner that night b/c his boss asked him to go to cleveland on business. That night he called me drunk and told me he wanted to be with me the rest of his life, wanted to have kids with me...the works. Well we made plans for the next two days to hang out but he cancelled on me both times (he said he was tired and had to help his dad out with stuff around the house). I am so confused! Some days he says he loves me and wants me and other days I will call him and he won't return my calls! I don't know what do! I think I have given him plenty of chances and I have told him that I love him and want him also...so he knows how I feel. Should I just ignore him and see what happens? Any advice would be so helpful to me right now! This is driving me nuts!

[baden]

Yes, I would ignore him unless you like being disrespect and a doormat to him.

[Cioriel]

this is a hard situation - if I were you I would definitely be curious if he really meant the things he said or if he is just lonely. It seems like he is pretty embarrassed about saying what he did - either that or he regrets saying them. I guess if you really need answers from him you just need to confront him, but if he gets wishy-washy about it all or denies it then you go back to no contact and don't break it....you might even let him know that next time he pulls that kind of stuff you won't be responding so he knows that if he really does feel that way (wants to be with you, etc) that this is his only chance and you won't be playing games w/ him at all.

 

but if you are able to just let this go and basically forget about him, then I would do that. You shouldn't be played around with and there's a chance that that is what he is doing...

 

good luck and let us know how it turns out

[peechy06]

Thanks for the advice! I really appreciate it!

 

Well the past week or so we have talked on the phone a few times, and we have hung out once. Because he has told me that he hasn't moved on and still loves me, I of course have taken that as a sign that he wants to get back together...but I was wrong.

 

We were talking on the phone the other night and I said...listen I want to know where we stand, do you want to be with me? He said he couldn't be with me because he isn't prepared to be serious in a relationship. Wow. We had already been serious for over a year and now he doesn't want to be anymore. He just graduated from college (he is 24) and just started a full time job and he says he is just not focused on that right now and he is upset that we will be long distance again next year. He said he thought we could be friends. Well, I basically gave him an ultimatum b/c I honestly don't think I can be friends with him. I told him to call me when he was ready to be in a serious relationship but until then I can't talk to him and act like everything is ok.

 

I just don't understand it...I really think he wants me to wait around for him until he is ready. He says he loves me and if he could, he would be with me. He also says that he is not truly happy without me. I think if he loved me that much he would do anything to be with me b/c that is how I feel about him...so for now I am not responding if he calls or texts me b/c I am sick of his games!

 

I do want him to come back but by not being his friend and not waiting around for him, I want him to truly know what his life is like without me. And if that is really what he wants. Is this the right thing to do? or did I make a mistake by not trying to be his friend? any advice on this would be soooo helpful!!!

[passionpeach]

Yes that is right. Try to ignore him first. That is where you are safer. I know that you can see that he is not that into you since he just treats you like no on special after you went out. If he really wants you back, then he would at least show it in his actions and words. Apparently, that is not what is happening. Let him prove that he really loves you. Don't hold on to words and promises. You have to see his actions. Be strong. You will get past this soon. Love yourself more.

[Cioriel]

I think you did the right thing. He said that he loves you and if he could be in a relationship, he would.....but the fact is that he can be in a relationship if he wants to but he is choosing not to. And now you are choosing to look after yourself and that is a good thing. I think it's good that you let him know that he can get a hold of you if he ever changes his mind, but that you're also not going to wait around. You can find someone who finds it worth the time and effort to be with you because you deserve that.

 

I know it's hard and I think you are incredibly strong for doing what you're doing - and who knows? maybe sometime down the road you will be ready for a friendship, but right now you have to make sure you do what is best for you.

 

I am in a similar situation where my boyfriend broke up w/ me saying that he just wasn't happy w/ his life in general and needs to kind of "reset" his life by getting a full time job, moving into his own place, and being single. He said he still loves me and wants to be friends, and I truly believe that he does. I did no contact for a couple days and by the third day he asked to talk to me and said that he missed my friendship - he even started crying. So i am in the same boat as you and am really asking myself whether or not I can be friends with him right now without clinging to the idea that he will change his mind. So good for you for realizing that you can't do that and for focusing on you for a bit

I hope things get better for you - just rest assured that you made a good decision.

[peechy06]

Thanks Cioriel! I knew that if I tried to be friends with him I would always hope that he would change his mind and come back to me and then if he didn't I would be even more crushed! I am sorry you are in a similar situation...it is definately no fun! Thats great if you can have a good friendship with your ex, but if not thats ok too b/c I think it gives you more of a chance to move on especially if you still love them. It also gives them a chance (in our situation) to clear their heads and figure out life in general.

 

I am happy with my decision, I feel like I finally took some sort of control. I hope things work out with you and your ex! You know what to do in the meantime...just focus on yourself and try being happy without them!

[Cioriel]

The sucky thing is that it is just so much easier said than done to just "move on", you know?

 

Do you think you guys will ever be able to be friends, like down the road sometime?

[peechy06]

It is a lot easier said then done...very true. I think maybe down the road we might be able to be friends, but I really don't know. Because we became exculsive just a few weeks after we met, we never had a chance to be friends first. I think if we had been friends for a while first then maybe we would have more of a chance of getting back to that friendship. One of my roommates at at college dated her ex for over 3 years and it took her over a year for them to become friends and she never thought she could be his friend. Now they talk every once in a while, even about the people they are currently seeing and have no problem with it. So that is a good example. In my case, me and my ex will either never talk again or possibly get back together sometime down the road...when and if we are really meant to be together. Were you and your ex friends first?

[Cioriel]

It is really funny to me how similar out situations are. We were basically the same as you - we talked online a bit before and hung out in group settings, but weren't really friends before we went exclusive.

 

I'm having a hard time b/c when my ex and I hang out things feel really good but I also really love him and want us to be together, which I am pretty sure he doesn't want but sometimes I wonder....I mean, after two days of me not initiating contact, he was crying and missing me - that just seems weird, you know? It makes me want to ask him if he felt that bad after two days when I still would talk to him but just not initiate, how would he have handled it if we hadn't talked after breaking up (like any normal couple b/c the only reason we are still talking/hanging out is b/c we work together).

I'm really not sure whether to do no contact or not, and if I do no contact I am not sure whether to tell him what the deal is or no.

[peechy06]

Yeah we are in similar situations...thats kinda crazy. I mean, its completely your decision...contact or no contact. I think that if you told him hey, since you don't want to be with me right now, I think it is best we don't talk until you are ready for a relationship, then that would kind of get him going. You know what I mean? Right now for him its like, ok we are still talking and can be probably be friends so I'm not going to worry so much about her not taking me back. Thats just how I see it. As much as I want my ex back, I think he needs to know that he made his decision not to be with me and he needs to realize that he can't leave me waiting on the sides for him.

 

I went out last night and actually made an attempt to talk to guys...for the first time in a while. I even kissed one...so weird cuz I haven't kissed anyone since my ex. Of course I compared them to him...they definately did not measure up. But that was just one night...we will see what happens.

[Cioriel]

I have been going out more too...and I also kissed a guy. You are right about it being weird....it's like, you want to like the guy and have him like you, but your ex is still there in your mind. I also have a hard time because when I start dating I want to date guys that I could possibly have a serious relationship with, and that is not what you find a lot of times when you go out to bars and stuff like that. When my friend and I went out last weekend we actually two separate groups of guys gesture us over to talk to them and it was nice...just to know that your ex wasn't the only guy to find you attractive.

 

how is the no contact w/ your ex going? Mine is allright - I'm doing no contact this week and he has gotten the message because he has stopped talking to me too. It sucks, though, because we work together and so instead of just not talking it actually feels like we ignoring and avoiding each other, which does not particularly feel good.

[peechy06]

No contact with the ex is going well...with one exception. So from the very start I have had a feeling that my ex may have broken up with me to get back with an old ex of his who cheated on him. Well I'm 99% sure they are back together and his excuse for "not being ready for a relationship" is a bunch of crap. I have his ex's sn that I got off of facebook and her profile has his initials in it and her away messages have been saying "out with******"

 

I called him out on it and told him he could have just told me the truth from the beginning, but he denys it. He says they are just friends. I was like well your initials are in her profile. He was like I don't know what to tell you, there is no crime in being her friend. So I really think he is lying. Its just waaay too much of a coincidence. This was on Wednesday I called him out on it and then I delelted our facebook pictures. Then he defriended me. Oh well...guess we are on pretty bad terms now. Honestly though, why would you go back to someone who cheated on you?

 

I've been seeing a new guy...don't know how I feel about him, but its definately been fun. Its hard that you work with your ex...but have you ever read "He's just not that into you?" I have been reading it lately and it is soo good and so true!!! Go to http://www.holliesquotes.com and click on misc love quotes. It really makes you go, wow that is completely true!

 

Keep up with the NC!!! Sounds like you are doing better!

[Cioriel]

wow..it's been awhile so I'm not sure if you'll be reading this at all...

 

well, NC stopped awhile ago. I did it for a week and was planning to just keep it going until I felt a good time to stop. The week after I ignored him he walked the same way to work as me that next Monday - I was surprised that he made any effort to talk to me at all....things now are really confusing for me. We have been friends more but I told him I wasn't going to initiate hanging out outside of work, and the other night he did. He asked if I wanted to see his new place and after that asked me if I wanted to grab some dinner - I said yes and he suggested the place we had our first date. I don't think he really thought about that at all so it was nice but kind of bittersweet. Then, as he was dropping me off at home, he asked if I'd want to hang out some other night. All this is coming after his birthday (which was last weekend) and I had only told him a quick "happy birthday" but didn't do anything else. I feel like he really misses me when I'm not there, but still just doesn't want to be with me....I don't get it.

 

Today at work he started crying and told me he knew he was going to be lonely in his new place living by himself and that he knew being lonely came with the territory....I don't even know what to make of this....if he was just saying that he is lonely but still doens't want to get back together or if he is saying he maybe not sure he made the right decision...

 

Any thoughts?

 

How are things w/ your ex? Are you on better terms at all? I'm really sorry about the other girl- that has to hurt really bad. You sound like you are doing very well, though, and that is amazing. I hope things are still going well. How are things w/ the new guy? I have read the book "it's called a breakup because it's broken" by the same authors as the book you mentioned, and that really helped in the first two weeks after we broke up....

 

sorry for how long this is....

[peechy06]

Hey! Yep I am definately still going onto this site...espicially with all the new crazy stuff that has been going on with me and my ex.

 

Wow, it seemed like you going NC made him really miss you. From everything that you said in your post, it seems like he is very lonely! I think he still sounds confused though as to what he wants. He still enjoys your company and you enjoy his...which is good. Im sure he still has feelings for you, but at this point, his pride just might be getting the best of him. He broke up with you and you handled it in the best way you knew how and continued on with your life. I think that sometimes that just kind of gets to them. And right now he could be thinking well, I know I still love her and want to be with her but I am the one who broke up with her so what if she never takes me back? In the few times that you two have been hanging out and talking at work, he has probably been trying to feel out the situation and is trying to figure out what he wants for sure. I think that if you are ok with hanging out with him and have fun with him then you should continue to. If it gets to the point though where he still hasn't tried getting back together with you and the whole "being friends with him" isn't working for you then its time to go to limited contact since you work with him. Those are just my thought!

 

 

So I started this summer chem class and one of my ex's best friends is in it with me! Go figure something like that would happen. He asked me what happened with the two of us, b/c apperently my ex hasn't said much about our breakup. Well I told him that I was almost 100% sure that he got back with his ex-girlfriend. And this kid was like oh yeah...I've seen them out and a couple months ago his ex had a party and my ex tried sleeping over her house! How ridiculous! But thats not the worst part. Then this kid goes on to tell me that my ex told everyone that I cheated on him!!!

 

Well since then my ex has called me a few times and I haven't returned his calls because of course I am pissed at him! The other day he texted me and said "Thanks for not returning my calls, I'm sorry its so hard for you to talk to me and be my friend" I said "I can't be your friend." Hope you and your family are doing well." That was a few days ago and I havent heard from him since. He still denies being with ex and got mad at his friend for telling me about her. I know he is still with his ex so I am not going to be his girl on the side. He can't have us both and I think thats what he wants. But If he wants me back it is going to take more than a couple phone calls!!! I think b/c of all the horrible things he has done and said about me, I would be stupid to be his friend.

[Cioriel]

Your ex sounds like a really big jerk. I'm glad you heard the truth from his friend, though, because you need to know what's going on. I think you are not only better off not being his friend, but you're definitely better off not being with him ever - it's not even the going back to his ex that makes him a sleazebag - it's the fact that he is lying so much. You can't trust him, and trust isn't only important in a relationship but friendship too. Good for you for not calling back. It still really does not feel good but at least you can look at him and see him for what he is apparently really like. You didn't mention the other guy you had started seeing - are things still going w/ him or are you taking some single time now?

 

Thank you a ton for the advice about my situation - I am really confused about what to do and have gotten the advice that I should talk to him b/c I'm am confused about the breakup and just where he is at on the whole thing since when we broke up he said he wasn't sure if our relationship made him unhappy or if it was other stuff in his life. I feel like the answer should be pretty obvious since he still really enjoys having me around and seems to want me in his life a lot.

 

I kind of do want to talk to him and find out what he is thinking, but I guess I don't trust him to really think about what his actions mean. I feel like if I tell him that it's weird that he hugs me everytime he leaves me and wants me to help decorate his new place he will just say "okay, i won't do that" and leave it at that instead of considering what it might mean that he wants me to do that in the first place. i feel like he thinks he is just acting like friends, which I guess I dont' really agree with, and neither do the people around me. I really don't know if he is thinking about asking me back and I'm thinking it's more that he is just lonely. I've been so tempted to do no contact just to see what he does, but that seems like the wrong reason to do it, and I really don't want to jeopardize a friendship with him..

any advice on whether or not I should talk to him about the breakup, how I feel, and what he is thinking now?

[peechy06]

I would definately talk to your ex! Its been a little while since your break up and if I were in your situation I would want to know where we stood and what his intentions are. Does he want to just continue the friendship or can he see you two getting back together? You should be honest with him and tell him how you feel about him. I really dont think it could hurt anything especially if he is happier with you in his life!

 

I am still seeing the other guy!m He's pretty great and right now I see him a couple times a weeks, which is nice. We are not really rushing into anything b/c he also just got out of a serious relationship. He keeps my mind off my ex, which is excellent b/c as you can most definately see my ex is a huge huge jerk!

 

Let me know how the talk with your ex goes!

[Cioriel]

So I went and talked to him last night.....it went okay. I guess I didn't really expect much to change between us (like him to change his mind about the breakup or anything) but I think a little bit of me was hoping. I basically just asked him for more answers about why he broke up and he said that there were a lot of ups and downs from one day to the next and tension, which I really understood. I told him what I thought contributed to that feeling and that I believed those things would be different if we were to ever go back out again. I told him that I believe in second chances, not third or fourth ones, and that I wouldn't be there crying in front of him and make an idiot of myself if I didn't honestly believe that we are great. I also told him that I hoped he took me seriously and really trusted that I had thought about all of this and wasn't just panicking about us breaking up anymore. He basically said that he wasn't sure that even if the things were fixed that I mentioned that the tension, etc would go away. He said it would be awhile before he would make a decision (I'm not sure exactly what he meant by that) and that he wouldn't rule us getting together out but that he couldn't say there was a good chance of it happening.

I just feel so strongly that things would be different, and I told him that I wouldn't want us to get back together if things would be the same as they were before. It just sucks b/c he didn't lose feelings for me and I just want us to have the chance to try things out again to see if they would be different.

He said he doesn't just brush what I think aside and will truly think about it, but it really isn't sounding hopeful right now. I wish another guy would come along just to take my mind off of it, you know? Someone to kind of show me that my ex isn't the only guy I can be happy with...

 

I'm happy to hear about you and your guy still together! it's nice that you are both at the same point and wanting to take it slow - that's got to feel pretty nice after everything that's gone on....have you guys really talked about the relationships you just got out of or not really?

[peechy06]

Good for you for talking to him! He still sounds wishy washy about everything. At least you know there isn't another girl around!! haha Honestly maybe he is just at a point in his life where he needs to straighten himself out and figure you two out as well. It just sucks that he doesn't know what he wants when you have so much faith in the two of you. Its almost like he wants to stay friends with you to keep you around when/if he changes his mind. I know that feeling all too well! The ball is in your court now. You are free to date other guys and I'm sure you can probably have any guy you want! You were telling me before that you went out with some friends and kissed another guy. Did you tell your ex about that? Its really great that you told him you believe in second chances, but not third or fourth ones. Does he know you are open to dating other people? Sometimes a little jelousy can be a good thing, and dating will help you take your mind off of him too!

 

Me and the guy I am seeing now haven't talked very much about the relationships we just got out of. I told him that my ex cheated on me with his ex and now they are back together. He was like...wow thats crazy, he's an ******* for breaking up with you. So stuff he says like that is really sweet and it makes me feel good He was actually engaged and his fiance broke it off about 2 months ago...they were supposed to get married today He seems to be taking everything pretty well though as far as I can tell.

 

I don't know, I know I shouldn't fell bad, but I kind of do feel bad for not talking to my ex. I tried to be the best girlfriend I could. Sometimes I just feel like maybe I wasn't good enough and he started things back up with her because she is better or prettier than me I hope thats not the case, I swear I'm a good person and I really did put 110% into our relationship. I gave him multiple chances to make things right and he didn't. I just wonder that if I did anything differently if we would still be together

[Cioriel]

I know this is hard to do, but if you can, try to stop thinking about what you did wrong. You said it yourself - you gave him multiple chances to change things to help make you guys work out and he didn't take those chances. You deserve someone who is willing to do that. There is no way that any of this is stuff you did - it really sounds like he is just one of those guys that gives guys a bad name....and that is not something you can help. Like I said, I know it is hard, but try to focus on finding someone who doesn't do the stuff he did and actually shows you that he cares enough to try. It was generous enough for you to give your ex the number of chances you did and keep the faith that you two might work, but he ultimately decided he wasn't up to the job, so now you can go find someone who is! (maybe new guy? - who knows?). It sounds like the guy you're with now is really good for you, and you for him. Even if it doesn't last forever, you at least have a good friend out of it and someone who has shown you that deserve more than what your ex gave you.

 

I think what you said really describes my ex and what is going on there - he even said he had to get some things straightened out himself and work on him a bit. I understand that completely and this breakup has helped me do the same..it just sucks that this could be permanent when I really feel like it shouldn't be. I asked him yesterday though that if we are good friends and we have a lot of fun together to not just assume it's because we work better as friends, but to also consider that maybe something has changed that would let us work as a couple again. He said he definitely would consider both things, so that made me feel good that he sounded like he had already planned on that. It is so hard to not have any doubt about us working and for him to be so unsure.

 

I am unsure of what to do - do I stay friends and hope that he won't just take it for granted and not really have the "wake up call" he might have if we do no contact? I like us being friends a lot and things feel great when we hang out. I'm still one of the only people that can make him laugh the way he does when he is with me. I can't wait around waiting for him to realize he wants us together, though, especially if his mind never changes. I wouldn't mind dating other guys but they are harder to meet than it seems! I am moving to a new building and there was a guy that introduced himself while I was moving in, but I have no idea how to make any further moves to possibly see if he might be interested....

[peechy06]

I think its really good that your ex is actually being really honest with you and is seriously thinking about your relationship. I have two views on the whole being friends with an ex. In your situation, it almost seems to me that you are building a strong friendship with him, which is something that you did not have before considering you two were in a relationship without being friends first. So spending time with him like that may be good b/c its building a strong foundation. Does that make sense? On the other hand, if you continue spending a lot of time with him, he may just always assume that you will be around no matter what and there isn't much to work for. I don't know if that wake up call will come that way. It all depends on how he thinks about it too (which you will never completely know).

 

So this new guy lives pretty close huh? Maybe try baking him some cookies or something along those lines. Or casually run into him in the parking lot...

 

My ex sent me a facebook message today. He says he has been having a really tough time and keeps thinking about me. He also said he has been dreaming about us a lot. He said he wants to talk to me. I know for sure he is still seeing his ex so I have no clue what he is doing talking to me and saying these things. I messaged him back and told him that if he wanted to talk we would have to do it person b/c i am sick of him taking the easy way out and doing everything over the phone. He hasn't replied...

[Cioriel]

Grr on your ex! He seems extremely frustrating. Something I might do w/ him is ask him directly why he keeps getting in contact with you and what exactly he wants. If he says something like "I want to get back together" then I think you need to tell him straight out that he is still with the other girl which tells you he is not serious about that is just lonely which is something he is going to have to live with. If he says something about wanting to be friends I think you should do something along the same lines about how he has been lying about your breakup to people and that you deserve better friends than that. He needs to learn that he can't do that stuff w/ girlfriends or friends, and I hope you really know that you do not need someone like him in your life. I'm glad you said it would be in person. I just hope he's not trying to worm his way back in - if he was serious he would approach you after he had left the other girl, not keep her around as a backup in case you say no.

 

I kind of had a revelation in relation to my ex yesterday. I think i have really realized what our problem was and why we really broke up. When we first started going out I was an emotional wreck - I had a lot of baggage and wasn't dealing w/ my life very well. Along w/ this came me being angry a lot of the time. This all changed over the course of the relationship and I have really realized since breaking up that that is not who I am anymore, but I could never completely let old me go or the things that bothered me, although I had started to at the end of our relationship. Something he said was that we had a lot of ups and downs and I now realize why - the ups were when I was who I am now (happy, not focusing on the bad, just living life w/ him) and the bad days was when I let old me take over more and I got upset for no reason, etc. In breaking up I have been able to really disconnect from that old me in a way I was never able to during the relationship. It really explains everything and I feel like this huge sign is just lighting up in front of me now that it has hit me that this has been my problem.

do you think I can tell him this? I want this to have as big of an impact on him as it did on me - this wasn't something I came up with or deliberated over..it seriously just hit me yesterday.

If I do talk to him I don't know what angle to come from on it - should I say I really want us to get back together and this is why or just say I had this realization that really was huge to me and I want him to know and think about it or what?

[peechy06]

Hey, sorry it took so long for me to get back to you, I have been so busy the past few days!

 

I think that is so good what you have come to realize about yourself. You being a happier, more optimistic person who knows what you want in life is something I think we all strive for. By having time on your own you have changed for the better! That is a definate plus and it sounds like if you were to try things again with him you would be in a much better frame of mind. The next time you hang out with him I would definately mention this to him, but I would make sure you kept it all about yourself. Tell him how you have changed. But the most important thing is to show that through your actions and attitude. As long as he is not blind and knows a good thing when he sees it, he should notice that you are different and you are not the same person who once focused on the bad stuff and wasn't happy. Just be confident and happy b/c that is attractive and what hooks people! haha But yeah, I would definately talk about it too him to make him understand that you really have changed for the better.

 

So my ex wants to meet for dinner tuesday or wednesday night. I really don't know what he wants to talk about. I know him and his ex are pretty serious. I have her Aol instant messenger screen name (I am pretty sneaky and got it off of facebook a while ago). Her away message always says she is with him. Like last night they were out on a double date and today they are at graduation parties. In the last message he sent me, he was like can we meet tues or wed? I have to go to cleveland on friday and have graduation parties to go to saturday. I am more than mad at him! It is one thing to ditch me and start things up with his ex but to continue to contact me and say that he has been thinking about me and dreams about me is crazy too. I have a feeling he is not going to come clean and tell me his back together with his ex because he has lied about that for a while now and will not tell me the truth (knowing him). I feel like he either wants for us to try and be friends (like you said) or try things again with us. Kind of sounds like he wants us both. But like you said, he very well could just be keeping her around in case I say no to trying things again. What a jerk and huge idiot...I am NOT going to be his friend.

[Cioriel]

I'm so sorry for the late reply! I am moving and don't have internet at my new place...

 

Good for you for deciding not to be his friend. He really sounds like such a jerk. You seem much better off without him and his lying. I think it might be a good idea to delete them both off of your instant messenger - it's time to completely leave him behind. It sucks that he is with his ex and still trying to get a hold of you, but you're w/ a new, better guy now so who cares what he is doing? I know it may not be that simple. Really, though, i'm so glad you realize what a jerk he is being and that you really don't need him in your life!

 

so things w/ the ex have been good - almost too good. We hung out last night. He came over to see my new apartment and we watched a movie and ate pizza together. After that we went shopping for apartment stuff each of us needed. There is a feeling between us that just hasn't changed - that sounds dumb but I really can't describe it. Both of us are trying to be friends but there aren't just simple friend feelings there. It sucks b/c what he is telling me (that he felt like something wasn't right and wants to be friends) and the way things are between us (like there is more there than friends..and we can't help it) are telling me two different things. I don't get why he insists that he needs time and feels like maybe we just aren't meant to be together when things feel so good when we are together. I want to talk to him about these things but I feel like he won't be open w/ me...

[peechy06]

Wow, things do seem to be going very well with your ex! You two have been spending a lot of time together! I think it kind of sounds like he is in denial. Almost like he doesn't want to admit how great the two of you really are together. When you guys hang out, is he affectionate at all? Or are you both not crossing that friends line? He needs to realize for himself just how great of a person you are. After my ex broke up with me he tried to keep me hanging on...but I realize now its just because he was being a typical guy and was trying to see if the grass was greener on the other side. Although your ex is not the huge huge JERK mine was, he may be hanging out with you because he does enjoy your company and doesn't want to let you go b/c he knows deep down how great things are with you. But at the same time, he doesn't want the committment because he is being a TYPICAL guy and wants to keep his options open. That is just my take on things b/c he hasn't actually taken the time to sit down with you and open up about what he feels.

 

I haven't heard anything from the ex in a week. Two weeks ago he wanted to have dinner and talk about things...but he cancelled on me. Texted me and told me that he was too busy to meet with me and MAYBE he would try calling me later. Well I told him not to bother cuz I came to the realization that its not fair that hes talking to me while hes with someone else. So then we got into a text message fight and told me he wasn't seeing anyone and that when I was ready for a friendship with him he wont't be there. How mature...he can't even be a man and tell me the truth. All I did was try to be civil with him and he just turns everything around and throws it in my face. How did I date him for so long?! Thank god I did not waste anymore time on him!!!