Ex being very hot and cold...don't know how to react

[peechy06]

I think that is weird that Julie talked to your boyfriend instead of you or her cousins. It really doesn't make sense. I definately see why you feel like you have to walk on eggshells around her. I think that as long as your boyfriend takes things she says with a grain of salt, everything should be ok. He wants you to trust him and you are doing good with that. Her behavior is really strange though. Maybe you could try talking to her and be like hey, if you want to talk to me about anything, you can. She wants people to be honest with her just like you want her to be honest with you.

[Cioriel]

Thanks for all your input on this I think my boyfriend has handled this well and I feel bad for him too because he felt torn between wanting to read what she wrote and tell me because he knows I hate being in the dark, but julie also specifically asked him to keep it between them. My bf said he thought it had something to do about my friend and her opinions about Julie b/c she said that thing about thinking that my friend hates her now right before typing a lot and then asking him to keep it between them.

 

I want to tell Julie that my friend doesn't hate her at all and that we all thought things were good but then she will know that my bf told me about their conversation, and I don't want him to get into trouble because he really didn't (and couldn't) tell me much anyway.

 

I think she is just one of those friends I'm never going to be extremely close to because she does stuff like this - if I can accept that I will be okay.

 

My bf and I talked last night and it went really well. I basically had some questions about how he was thinking of us and everything. The analogy he gave was that when he was in his earlier school years he always knew he was going to go to college but he didn't know where or what he would do, just that he expected he would go. That's how he said he thinks of us - he's expecting this to last "forever" (that sounds kinda juvenile) but that we are just beginning and he's not exactly sure how everything with us is going to play out. It felt nice to hear him say that he was thinking this would last and that we are really on the same page.

 

Has that guy called you back yet? how are you feeling about it - like, are you still interested and stuff or has this kind of changed your mind?

[peechy06]

Hey Cioriel!

 

Sorry its taken me a while to respond! I've been pretty busy with classes!

 

I hope the drama with this Julie has calmed down. People who create unnecessary drama drive me crazy!! But you probably always have at least one friend who will be like that It sounds like you and your boyfriend are still going strong! Knowing you are both on the same page with everything has to be a huge comfort!!

 

I haven't heard back from the guy I knew in high school...oh well. I don't mind too much. Thats pretty immature/jerky of him to say he likes me and not return my phone call. We'll see what happens in the future. Oh yeah, my ex poked me on facebook friday. I don't get it?! He breaks up with me, defriends me, and then decides to poke me months later...

 

Anyway, any new updates with you??

[Cioriel]

Hi peechy! No problem about response time Classes are just starting for me too and I can tell it's going to be a tough year.

 

Julie and I really haven't spoken at all. I feel kind of bad because there have been a few times she has texted me (both recently and in the past) and I haven't gotten them because my phone is in my purse on silent because I forget about it after work....but I know she thinks I'm just not responding. Whenever I finally get it I always text her back, but she seems to think I just don't want to respond. That happened on saturday night b/c she texted me at 10:00 and I didn't get it until Sunday morning. I texted her back right away when I got it but she hasn't gotten back to me since. I've decided to just cool it w/ her and see how things go instead of trying to be friends with her. I wonder what will happen when my bf and I come out to everyone that we are together..

 

Things w/ the bf are going very well. It's weird, though, because we feel serious in some ways but we are still being cautious and taking it slow, and that is kind of messing with my head - like, feeling that we are serious but also not completely serious at the same time. It's a very weird place to be. I'm trying not to think of us too seriously but I'm also hopeful that we will last and end up being married, so it's just hard to balance those thoughts. One of the problems we used to have was talking about engagement too much, and I'm happy because I am not thinking about engagement at all, but I still want us to end up together...I feel like I shouldn't be thinking those thoughts at all...

 

I'm glad to hear that guy from high school isn't bothering you really. It is really immature to do that - I just don't get what was going on w/ him in doing that...did he not realize he'd sound dumb? Or maybe he did realize that after he did it and got embarrassed because of it...

 

I can't believe you ex! What is he trying to do? Do you think he's just trying to maintain a friendship or do you think he's sniffing around to possibly come back and be with you? it's like he doesn't realize that you are moving on, or at least trying to, or he doesn't care. Do you think you'll just ignore him or what? I just can't believe what he is doing - he cheats on you, lies to you, acts like a complete jerk when you break up, and then acts like nothing is wrong...

[peechy06]

Hey Cioriel! I'm glad to hear that things with this Julie have calmed down! I would do the same thing as you are and cool it with her also. She sounds a little immature when it comes to the whole text messaging thing...

 

I know what you mean about having a very serious relationship, but trying to be cautious at the same time. Sometimes I think too much talking about the future and engagement isn't good, so thats good that you aren't thinking about it as much as you used to! I think its safer to just take it one day at a time and enjoy your time together. As long as you do that and both of you are working on the relationship like you have been, you have nothing to worry about.

 

Still nothing from the guy from high school...I think maybe he was a little embarrassed, or he just didn't want to start anything up b/c he goes to school 6 hours away from me. Ughhh

 

As for my ex, I am SO confused!!! I don't know what he wants! He may be just trying to be my friend, or trying to test the waters to see how I react. I'm figuring either...

A.) He hates that I'm mad at him and wants to relieve some of his

guilt or...

B.) Is sniffing around to possibly come back (but I'm sure he is still

with his g/f just in case I refuse to talk to him)

 

So I ended up poking him back yesterday b/c I was like...if I poke him then he will be able to see my profile and see all my new pictures and see how much fun I'm having at school without him. That may sound immature on my part, but in a way I didn't want him to think I was ignoring him b/c he was bothering me...you know?

[Cioriel]

I think you put it perfectly about just focusing on the day to day and making things good now and we will be fine. Thank you for that

 

It's probably good that the high school guy didn't call you if he's that immature. Plus, you wouldn't want to get into anything with him being that far away - it seems like it could be too serious or stressful right now, and you want to have fun w/ your next relationship, not trying to adjust to long distance, etc.

Whatever happened to that first guy you dated?

 

As far as your ex goes, do you think it would be better for you to confront him about this or keep ignoring it? That is what it comes down to - what will make you happiest and keep you in a good place as far as your breakup goes? On the one hand it might be good to just ask him straight out what he is doing. If he says he wants to be friends then you can tell him how you feel, whether that is that you don't want him as a friend ever, that you just can't handle it now and would need him to stop lying to you about this other girl and in general in order to be friends, or if you're ready to be friends now. On the other hand, with your specific ex, it really seems like you are better off without him so it might be good to either confront him and tell him to just stop contacting you alltogether or to just keep ignoring him and hope he gets the message. I get not wanting him to think you're stressing about him at all, but when he contacts you, it does stress you out, and I don't think there's any harm in telling him that, or some variation like "I just don't care to hear from you and don't want your messages and pokes cluttering up my inbox and facebook page."

 

Overall I guess it comes down to what you want b/c you're kind of at a point where you get to choose whether you want to pick up a friendship now or down the road sometime or just tell him to get out of your life and stay out of your life.

[peechy06]

Well, the first guy I was dating over the summer that I met at a club kind of dropped off the face of the earth. I got the feeling that he was still upset about the break up with his fiancee, which is completely normal. I was ok with him not talking to me anymore b/c I knew I was going back to school soon and I think he needed more time to get over his ex.

 

As for my ex, I have decided that I am going to leave everything alone. If/when he contacts me again in anyway, I think I will confront him about it and tell him to stop/see what he wants. You are definately right...when he contacts me I do get stressed out and I hate that! I still think it would be sooo hard to be his friend. I know he won't tell me truth about the girl he is dating and it would be to hard for me to be his friend and act like we are ok.

 

Thanks for the great advice!!

[Cioriel]

The first guy sounds like a good rebound guy

 

That sounds like a good way to handle your ex. I really hope he just leaves you alone, though. He sounds really inconsiderate and just not thinking at all about how you feel. And I can't believe he still hasn't said anything to you about his ex. That would be really hard to be his friend right now if he was single, but since he is doing something w/ his ex, I can't imagine either having to hear about it or having to ignore it. Let me know if you end up hearing anything from him!

 

Things here are pretty much the same. I really do feel better w/o Julie around and maybe once my bf and I are out in the open about our relationship things will get better there. We'll see I guess.