LittleBlue2007 Posted June 4, 2007 Share Posted June 4, 2007 The title doesn't really give this one away fully - we're talking about a mutual female friend of ours who popped back into our lives recently after a nasty period in her life. She's since got involved with someone my husband knows through work. Basically, when she first was around she was going through a lot of emotional turmoil and she was pretty full on, texts, emails, late night and early morning calls, turning up unannounced...I had several conversations with my husband about it, to make sure it didn't bother him the amount of time I was giving to support her, and he was fine with it. It's since died off as she's got more settled, but I still speak to her every day, usually via email when I'm at work. I see her once a week, when my husband is working. However, my husband seems to have developed a real issue with her...he says I treat her more like my boyfriend than just a friend, he says I am secretive about our conversations if I don't tell him every detail of what we talked about, he makes snide comments about her, and yet if I confront him with it he says he likes her. It's weird because to me, she's just a close friend that I have loads in common with and enjoy chatting with. I feel like I'm going mad - is this friendship unhealthy, or is my husband being unreasonable? I just want to understand where he's coming from so i can try and resolve it without having to sacrifice a friendship (which to me, implies an extremely unhealthy relationship!) Just to clarify, I spend quality time with my husband three nights a week and every weekend, so it's not like I'm devoting more time to her than to him. Link to post Share on other sites
quankanne Posted June 4, 2007 Share Posted June 4, 2007 sounds like he's jealous of the quality time you spend with your girlfriend, maybe thinking you're sharing important things with her, instead of him. he might also be ambivalent because the jist of your friendship has changed – she no longer needs you as a shoulder to share her burden because her life is so crazy, but has slipped into a more relaxed and less stressed relationship. And he's not accustomed to that relationship as anything but you helping her in her need. just some thoughts; not sure how to suggest help, other than to gently try to find out what exactly bothers him about the relationship ... Link to post Share on other sites
Reckless Posted June 4, 2007 Share Posted June 4, 2007 Doesn't stop him from being jealous though... Sounds like he just doesn't like that you have this close relationship with someone that isn't him... not sure what to say about it apart from that while friends and family should not encroach on the private space of a couple no one person can be everything all the time and I'd probably go mad without my 'sistas'... Maybe talk about it seeing if there are some reasonable 'ground rules' you can establish about how much time you spend with her (so that it doesn't sap on your energy and devotion to your relationship) and ask if its just her or the fact that you have these "girl-talk" sessions that bother him. Most men wouldn't be bothered unless you were chatting at 3am when they wanted to make whoopie or you were both standing in front of the telly... Link to post Share on other sites
IfWishesWereHorses Posted June 4, 2007 Share Posted June 4, 2007 You don't mention whether you have close friendships with other women or your sisters or family. If you do indeed have other friendships that he doesn't have a problem with then perhaps it's just something about THIS friend or possibly that he views her as needy. If you do not have other or many other close friends then I think it might be indicative of something more serious such as not wanting to share you at all or even a controling behavior. Link to post Share on other sites
EnigmaXOXO Posted June 4, 2007 Share Posted June 4, 2007 I’m with the others who advised that you sit down and have an honest talk with him. He might be willing to open up about what’s bothering him if you don’t become too overly defensive about your friendship. I wouldn’t be surprised at all to learn it might have something to do with this: She's since got involved with someone my husband knows through work. What was that funny Seinfeld episode about “Two Worlds Colliding” (???) Link to post Share on other sites
IfWishesWereHorses Posted June 4, 2007 Share Posted June 4, 2007 I wouldn’t be surprised at all to learn it might have something to do with this: Quote: She's since got involved with someone my husband knows through work. I think this makes the most sense, also. Link to post Share on other sites
tanbark813 Posted June 4, 2007 Share Posted June 4, 2007 It might not be that he dislikes the friendship or friend specifically, but maybe there is something lacking in your relationship with him that he sees in your friendship and is jealous of that. If you talk to her about specific things that you wouldn't talk to him, then that might be it. Or maybe he thinks you feel closer to her than to him. Link to post Share on other sites
Star Gazer Posted June 4, 2007 Share Posted June 4, 2007 It might not be that he dislikes the friendship or friend specifically, but maybe there is something lacking in your relationship with him that he sees in your friendship and is jealous of that. If you talk to her about specific things that you wouldn't talk to him, then that might be it. Or maybe he thinks you feel closer to her than to him. I'm impressed with this response... I think it might be one of the most insightful things I've seen outta you. I couldn't agree more. Link to post Share on other sites
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