Withheld information

[Kathleen2260]

This isn't about infidelity but rather the after-effects of it. A little over 2 years ago my SO sort of had an EA with a married ex of his. He spent some time with her, talked on the phone to her quite often and wrote a letter to her which he gave her telling her how much he wanted to be with her adn how he thought about her all the time. She did not return his affections and instead began dating one of his close friends instead (and yes she was still married) We have worked things out and are closer (or so I thought) than we've ever been. He seems totally committed to me and puts a lot of effort into our relationship. He has had NO contact with her since I discovered his interest in her. I've witnessed him blow her off when she tried to talk to him.

 

Yet there is still a tiny part of me that is very insecure and I fear that if he ran into her somewhere and she pursued him at the most they would become friends again adn that would devastate me. He says he will never talk to her again but because he's decieved me in the past I wonder if he would talk to her if she stopped by where he hangs out. He is a volunteer fireman and she has been having an affair with the fire chief (my SO's friend) for the last two years or so I thought. I always worry a little bit when my SO attends functions at the fire dept because there is the possiblity of my SO running into the married ex there since she is having an affair with the chief.

 

One of my SO's "friends" offered to keep an eye on him (I didn't ask he just offers info on whether or not the ex is there) I made the mistake of telling my SO this and he was furious that one of his buddies would keep an eye on him and tried to get me to tell him who it was. Anyhow my SO knows that every week when he goes to teh fire station I worry he will run into his married ex (though he hasn't in over a year) and I get a little stressed out and I always end up asking him "was she there?" and it annoys him at times because it has been two years and he feels he's proven himself.

 

We have been getting along really well lately and he's been very sweet and supportive and done a lot of nice things for me. This weekend I had to have my wisdom teeth removed (ouch!) and was in a lot of pain and moody and my SO and I were arguing over something stupid (we went to the bank and I didnt' bring his money in the house afterward because I put it in his glove compartment and forgot about it. He got snippy with me saying "how nice you couldnt even bring something in for me" and I got mad because I didn't feel good and snapped at him "leave me the f*ck alone!" and he got upset. Anyway during the argument I somehow brought up the past (his married ex) which i havent done in about six months and he said oh well she's not dating Ben (the fire chief) anymore and that she was getting a divorce and had left her husband to move in with some guy she met who was married with an 8mth old baby. He said that his friend (the fire chief his ex was havign the affair with) told him all this about two months ago. and that she was living out of state now with this married guy who was getting a divorce an she too was getting a divorce. So basically this means that there would be no chance of my SO running into her at the fire station since she is living out of state and no longer dating his friend. yet he NEVER told me this.

 

Had, he given me this info then I wouldnt' have worried at all when he went to hang otu with his buddies. I asked why he withheld this info from me since he knew that it still bugged me and made me worry a little bit and his response was "so what" he said he didn't tell me because he wanted to see if his 'friend" who used to tell me what he was up to would tell me this info so he could figure out who it was. Since I was unaware of this new development he concluded that the "friend" was no longer telling me information. Is this a cruel thing for him to do? I mean why wouldn't he share the information that the ex OW (sort of) had left the area? Instead of playing this childish game of trying to figure out who had once ratted him out?

 

I thought we were making so much progress and I felt secure in our relationship. Yet after this I just feel like he is being secretive with me and I don't appreciate it. Am I over reacting?