Be honest.

[Star Gazer]

Some posters seem to think that either ALL men/women cheat. I've had my own experiences in this regard, but I still cannot believe it to be true. Thanks to the anonymity of this forum, perhaps we'll get our honest answer.

 

So, be completely honest. Have YOU personally ever cheated on any SO?

 

If so:

 

1. Why did you do it?

2. Did your SO find out? If so, how?

3. Do you regret it?

4. Do you think you're doomed to "always be a cheater"? Why/why not?

 

 

NOTE: Please do your best to limit OT posts or respond to one another in this thread. Just address the question above, and we'll discuss the LS community results in another thread.

[Pyro]

Um....thats a big NO to that.

 

Hopefully these posters will see the light and realize that not everyone is so bad.

[Great Gazoo]

No, thought about it, was given the opportunity but could not go through with it.

[BonneKarma]

I cheated once, about 13 years ago.

 

1. Why? I was young and unsure of myself, didn't know how to recognize that I wasn't in the right relationship for me in the first place. I kissed another guy who gave me the type of attention I deserved in my relationship, but didn't get.

 

2. Yes, he found out a week later when he read a birthday card from the guy I had kissed. It was obvious from the poem written inside that this guy had feelings for me. He asked if anything had happened and I told him the truth.

 

3. I regretted it instantly. I couldn't sleep or eat for a week and thought I was a horrible person. I hated what it said about me as a person and knew it wasn't right to be dishonest and betray someone. Do I still regret it? That's a yes and no, it was probably my greatest learning experience ever and eventually resulted in me trusting my instincts more and knowing myself better.

 

4. No, I don't think so at all. People make mistakes. What matters most is how they handle the situation and what they learn from it. Does that mean I could trust someone again if they cheated on me? The answer is, probably not. Would I trust them if they told me they had cheated once in the past? Yes, if they were torn up by guilt and because they were open enough to share that with me.

[ConfusedButLoved]

I've never cheated or came close to cheating on my husband or any of my serious boyfriends. I take commitment very seriously I just couldn't hurt someone I love neither would I want to be hurt like that.

[Trialbyfire]

I've never cheated and will never cheat on anyone.

[Sheba]

I have cheated.

 

1. I cheated on my first husband, with my current husband. However, I had decided to leave my first husband and I never had sex with my first husband again after I "took up" with another man.

 

2. My first husband never found out. I was sneaky, but he should have figured it out. I lived with him for four months after my "affair" started (I had to wait for the school year to end before I could leave him, we have children). I "worked late" a lot. I think my then husband thought my morals were too high to let me lie, which is generally true.

 

3. I don't regret it. I do feel guilty however.

 

4. I don't think I would cheat again unless I had come again to that decisive moment when I KNEW this marriage was over AND happened to have an attractive man that was always hanging around me letting me know he was interested. My first husband lied to me for years (not about other women, about drugs) and it was finding out one more big lie that did our relationship in. I went for lunch, that very day, with the man I later married. I picked him as my confidente, told him about my lying husband, and sat really close to him. Since I did it once in those circumstances, it is hard for me to say I would not do it again.

 

OK, so I guess the title should be "I am ALMOST always honest". Shame on me.

[BonneKarma]

I kind of answered number 4 wrong, the question was 'Am I doomed to always be a cheater'?

 

The answer is no, I will never ever cheat again. I now know myself much better and would get out of any relationship that wasn't able to meet my needs. Also I have much greater respect for myself now and would never let myself down like that again.

 

I have a hard time talking about how much I hurt 'him' in the situation because he was a jerk to me long before I ever cheated. I would never put myself in that same situation again.

[underpants]

"So, be completely honest. Have YOU personally ever cheated on any SO?

If so:

 

1. Why did you do it?

2. Did your SO find out? If so, how?

3. Do you regret it?

4. Do you think you're doomed to "always be a cheater"? Why/why not?"

 

 

My first kiss was a cheat. I had a /boyfriend/. We were 'going together' you see, held hands once.

 

1. Because the boy on my bus was sooooo cute, and 2 years older. I kissed him on the mouth after school. I even got to see his tan line.

 

2. Yes, because I told my /boyfriend/ about it the next day at school.

 

3. Yes, when the /boyfriend/ said to me that it was okay, he forgave me even though he was sad. I broke up with the boyfriend and never talked to cute boy again. Ahhh, middle school drama.

 

4. Heck no, I learn from my mistakes, even if I was lucky enough to learn it early. Don't worry I have gone on to be hurt and cheated on by several men since, but at least I am not doing the deed.

 

Not much difference between pre teens and adults when it comes to these matters when you get to the gist of it.

 

I have been tempted here and there and have had several opportunities over the years (10+ years as a bartender), but I have never cheated or sold myself short, even when surrounded by deception, never even really came close.

 

I guess if you are lucky enough to find a partner and get to the stage of exclusiveness, then communication and respect might in order.

 

Anyway, it is nice to know that there are others of like mind.

 

Regards,

Unders

[Lizardy]

So, be completely honest. Have YOU personally ever cheated on any SO?

 

If so:

1. Why did you do it?

2. Did your SO find out? If so, how?

3. Do you regret it?

4. Do you think you're doomed to "always be a cheater"? Why/why not?

 

Yes, once.

1. I knew the relationship was over and I was getting attention from another person that I feel I deserved which I wasn't getting from my current relationship. There was only one circumstance though.

2. Yes, he found out; I told him immediately. And afterwards he told me he cheated on ME 2 years earlier. . . The truth inspires truth.

3. No I do not regret it. I have learned a lot from it and feel that I am now more in touch with my instincts. It finally gave me the courage to analyze and understand something that my body and mind were trying to tell me months (even years) earlier --- that it just wasn't meant to be.

4. Definitely not. Actually I feel on the contrary that it makes me feel stronger against the act because now I know how to be totally devoted to someone/thing and how serious, important, and special a feeling it is to be 100% honest with oneself and others.

[ShoeGirl]

I have never cheated and don't think I ever could. I was given the opportunity several times during one relationship and couldn't let myself do it even though there was no way that my then bf could have found out.

[Trimmer]

1. Why did you do it?

2. Did your SO find out? If so, how?

3. Do you regret it?

4. Do you think you're doomed to "always be a cheater"? Why/why not?

Speaking for myself (male):

1. No

2. n/a

3. n/a

4. No

5. No, I have never been to a hooker, had any kind of lapdance (to orgasm or otherwise), gotten a happy ending (or any sexual contact) at a massage parlor, gone to a third world country (or any other) for sex tours, or any of cutegirl's other assumptions about 99.9% of men...

 

Speaking for my ex-wife (female):

1. Yes, twice in our marriage;

2. Yes, first time she confessed, second time I noticed cell phone records;

3. I really can't speak for her on this one.

4. I have my opinions, but I don't know what she would answer.

5. No, I don't think she's the type (Ha! I didn't think she was "the type" to cheat either though...)

[lovelorcet]

Nope...

 

I was with somone for 10 years and was given many chances to cheat... But I never did. It seems more like I am the one who gets cheated on all the time. Sometimes I feel like I should just give in and act the same way people have treated me but I think I would be too upset with myself.

[LucreziaBorgia]

 

1. Why did you do it?

2. Did your SO find out? If so, how?

3. Do you regret it?

4. Do you think you're doomed to "always be a cheater"? Why/why not?

 

Yes, I was a cheat years ago. A notorious one, ranging from the garden variety cheat, to the serial cheat, to the outright cakewoman. I've also helped a good many people cheat by being the OW too. I was even the worst sort of those - not even the type who met someone and fell in love, it was more of a mercinary hunt/kill/discard sort of thing on my part. Ugh. It makes me feel a little sick just thinking about it.

 

1. The reasons varied - sometimes it was a sense of entitlement, sometimes curiosity, other times pure selfishness, most of the time simple opportunity, sometimes it was a challenge, other times an ego boost.

 

2. Only when I told them. I'd never been 'busted' so to speak.

 

3. On one level I regret it, on another I don't. I regret the hurt I've caused, but on the same hand I wouldn't have learned some very valuable lessons about life and relationships (the hard way) had I not been on the 'cheater/OW' side of the fence. Given the chance to start over and do it again, I don't think I would be a cheater or an OW. The benefits of those lessons learned isn't worth the pain caused to others in order to learn them.

 

4. No. I don't have the same justification thought processes, internal decision making process, or risk/benefit analysis process that I did back in those days. I don't know exactly what changed or when, it was more of a gradual process. I know I don't think the same way I used to, so it isn't likely I'll act the way I used to either if the internal process that led me in that direction isn't there.

[brazuca]

Nope. Never cheated. I've had my opportunities, but I'm not capable of, I love my girlfriend WAY TOO much to do something like that to her..

[Woggle]

I have never cheated and never will. If I don't feel that a woman is worth my fidelity I will leave her first.

[DanielMadr]

Being continually single I technically cant cheat. I never did and I believe I wouldnt.

But I met a lot of women who were cheating on their boyfriends or wanted to cheat on their husbands or boyfriends. And I believe lot of guys would cheat on their SOs given the chance.

 

Cheating is a deal-breaker for me. He/she is not enough in love or has some serious integrity, self-control dents. End of story.

[SueBee3490]

I have never cheated on any man I was with whether it be bfs or husbands (I'm in my 2nd marriage). I always felt if the relationship wasn't going right, I would get out of it first and usually when I did get out of it, I was by myself for awhile - it was never because I had another man on the back burner. The relationship simply wasn't meant to be but I never cheated on the guy. I guess I felt the way many other posters here have said, I simply couldn't do that to someone because I wouldn't want to be treated that way. That's a simple code to live by...

do unto others as you would have them do unto you.

[laRubiaBonita]

i have cheated, once.

 

i slept with another guy, after finding out via mutual friends that my live-in bf of over a year, had at least made out with this girl i knew too.

 

the SO never found out, in fact maybe 3 people know. the SO, on the other hand would go onto start see some girl behind my back... which AGAIN i found out about, and promptly ended everything that was ever between us.

 

i do not regret cheating on him, it was done out of spite, and i know it was not the best thing... but oh well.

 

the SO seemed to fit the once a cheater always a cheater cookie cutter.

[Topper]

I have been tempted and not yielded to that temptation

I have also cheated. No excuses no rationalizations I simply cheated.

I have also been Cheated on.

I am not a christian but I do see this part of The Lords Pray as being something we all need to take to heart

" Forgive us on trespasses as we forgive those that trespass against us."

we are all human life is messy. nothing is all black and white. the grey is what makes it all interesting and weird.

Think about it, the grey is why most of us are here

[allina]

 

1. Why did you do it?

2. Did your SO find out? If so, how?

3. Do you regret it?

4. Do you think you're doomed to "always be a cheater"? Why/why not?

 

Well, I feel like an ass saying this but yes I have. Though it has never been sex.

 

-I cheated on my frst HS bf by kissing another guy

 

-I cheated on my bf of a year and a half, he was a pretty serious R, I cheated with my roomate 2 weeks before we broke up, we both knew by then it was done and I had just found out about a huge betrayal on his part (though he didn't physically cheat his was worse)

 

Since being 16 and kissing another guy doesn't count imo I'll answer the questions about cheating in the longer R when I was 21.

 

1. I did it because I didn't care anymore, I knew it was over, but slightly in denial. We weren't speaking too much at this point, I had just found out about a huge betrayal on his part (long story) and honestly I wanted to.

 

2. He found out about 3 months after the breakup, I told him when we talked about things. He wasn't even too mad. We're on friendly terms now, it's just that the month around the breakup wasn't too good.

 

3. I feel like the proper answer would be yes, but we're being honest here so I have to say no.

 

4. No, I know I'm not. I would never cheat on someone I was in love with. When I cheated things were over, though not officially, we were just too young and stupid to realize it and end things sooner. Also I have been faithful during an entire relationship before.

[Sheba]

The affair I had is a scar on my self-respect.

[milvushina]

Yes - once, 2.5 years ago. I was 25

 

1. Well, I was very depressed and hopeless and it was something I would not normally do. My ex-H made me miserable. For a long time I resisted various temptations but one weekend when he was away I gave in and spent the weekend with someone else.

 

2. He found out because I told him a couple of weeks later, but I told him we didn't sleep together until after I moved out. Later on he called the other person, who is now my husband, and asked him how long we had been involved and found out the rest.

 

3. Yes, even though it is hard for me to feel sorry for my ex, I regret it for my own sake. My husband does not feel bad at all, because he thinks it was deserved. But normally I am a person who does the right thing, even if someone else has wronged me. That is how everyone knows me, so I lost respect from my friends, family, coworkers, and myself.

 

4. No way, I would never do that again. Even if it was kept secret, what I thought about myself would be bad enough. I am glad that I ended up with my husband, but I don't think I would ever take that path again no matter how depressed or lonely I got. It is just not worth how much self-respect it costs when you act disgracefully.

[polywog]

I cheated twice, when I was very young with my first two bf's who were LTRs.

 

Both times it was the immature cowardly way out of a dead relationship, and both times I told right away.... would not keep it a secret, since I used it as a way to end the relationships. I'm sure not proud of this, but I was pretty young and dumb at the time.

 

I would Never Ever do it now, and didn't do it in my later relationships including my lousy marriage (tho he cheated on me, I found out recently). I'm no longer a coward, and I'm extremely loyal to a man I love, or even think I love.

[tanbark813]

Not sure why my on topic post on this thread was deleted but, no, I've never cheated on a gf.

 

Hopefully that was on topic enough for the mods.