Be honest.

[Stubborn]

Depending on the relationship, depending on how good that other person is looking, depending on so many things- EVERYONE has the capacity to cheat.

 

Anyone who denies that is simply fooling themselves.

[laRubiaBonita]

Depending on the relationship, depending on how good that other person is looking, depending on so many things- EVERYONE has the capacity to cheat.

 

Anyone who denies that is simply fooling themselves.

 

thinking and DOING are extremely different...

[Stubborn]

thinking and DOING are extremely different...

 

Anyone can get drunk, lost in the moment, whatever. It happens.

[reef man]

Some posters seem to think that either ALL men/women cheat. I've had my own experiences in this regard, but I still cannot believe it to be true. Thanks to the anonymity of this forum, perhaps we'll get our honest answer.

 

So, be completely honest. Have YOU personally ever cheated on any SO?

 

Only once, in 8th grade. NEVER in my adult life and never will.

[reef man]

Anyone can get drunk, lost in the moment, whatever. It happens.

 

Getting drunk and getting lost in the moment is not an excuse.

 

All getting drunk does is allow you to do what you would have liked to do in the first place, just didn't have the guts to do it when sober.

[Stubborn]

Getting drunk and getting lost in the moment is not an excuse.

 

All getting drunk does is allow you to do what you would have liked to do in the first place, just didn't have the guts to do it when sober.

 

I never once said it was an excuse. The fact is, we're mammals. Mammalian males are hard-wired to spread their seed. Mammalian females are hard-wired to seek out the best possible genes. It doesn't even have to do with mammals- it's all living organisms.

 

I've found myself in some pretty precarious situations when drunk, which I never would have wanted- yet there they were. They were very sobering moments, however, and I was able to get myself out of them.

 

I've personally never cheated, but everyone's got a threshold, some may be higher than others- but they're there.

[VegasGirl_77]

Have I ever cheated? This is a loaded question. In my own personal opinion, no I have not. However, if you ask a certain someone I was dating about 4 years ago, he would say yes. I was dating someone for about a year - someone who I repeatedly asked, at least on a monthly basis, where our commitment level was. I didn't want to be lassoed down to one guy at the time. I wanted to date people as I pleased. He told me, on a monthly basis each time we had this conversation, that he was okay with that and he understood where I was coming from and understood what I wanted. So about a year after we had been dating casually (or so I thought), I was asked out by another guy. He was attractive and nice enough so I said yes...stupidly, I hid it from the other guy, when I should have just told him and saw how he reacted because then I would have known he was lying about "understanding" my need to date other people right then and there. So I went out with the other guy, we slept together. Other guy found out because I was talking to a mutual friend about it, who apparently knew that the guy I had been dating had stronger feelings for me than he was admitting to. Technically, I don't feel like I cheated since I was up front with this guy from day #1 that I didn't want to be tied down to one person. In hindsight, I should have said something to him. However, from his perspective, I'm a lying cheating whore who could never be trusted.

 

I didn't really have any specific motivation - I just didn't want to be tied down and when the opportunity presented itself with the right person, I took it. It wasn't that the guy I was dating was an ass - quite opposite, he was very good to me. I just simply didn't want to be exclusive and he knew that because I told him repeatedly. Would I do it again? If I was in the same circumstance where I was dating someone who I had made clear over and over again that I didn't want to be exclusive, then yeah, probably. Do I feel guilty about that incidence? Not really. Because I felt like I was being honest up front the whole time. I learned alot from it though, that's for sure. Now, I am in a committed relationship and lately I have had the opportunity presented to me to cheat from a co-worker (and I would be lying if I said I wasn't attracted to him) and it has been a struggle at times to keep saying no, no, no...but I think I have realized lately that it isn't worth it while in a relationship like this. I have a greay guy and I know it would ruin him if I did anything with someone else, and I think I would feel horribly guilty because I know how much it would hurt him. Do I think about it sometimes? Hell yes I do. Do I fantasize about the other guy sometimes? Hell yes. Is it difficult sometimes to work with this other guy and think about what I might be missing? Definitely. But would I act on it? Not unless I broke it off with my guy first because I have realized it wouldn't be fair to him and that I probably couldn't live with myself. I realize that whatever "attraction" or lust or whatever you want to call it towards this other guy just needs to stay in my head and not actually be acted upon.

[Jinxx]

Some posters seem to think that either ALL men/women cheat. I've had my own experiences in this regard, but I still cannot believe it to be true. Thanks to the anonymity of this forum, perhaps we'll get our honest answer.

 

So, be completely honest. Have YOU personally ever cheated on any SO?

 

If so:

 

1. Why did you do it?

2. Did your SO find out? If so, how?

3. Do you regret it?

4. Do you think you're doomed to "always be a cheater"? Why/why not?

 

 

1. Yes I did cheat on husband #2 with a MM for a year. I was a former BS to Husband #1 whom I have two children with. I did so after eight years of marriage. We married for the wrong reasons (some of them right but most of them wrong). We did ok in the beginning but sooner or later it just all started falling apart. We are legally separated now but due to some major health issues he is having we are attempting a "temporary" reconcilliation.

 

2. No, he never found out, never will.

 

3. No, I have no regrets. Although my relationship is now non-physical with XMM, we still do talk to each other. Weird at times but unavoidable since we work together some nights but thankfully that doesn't happen too often.

 

4. No, I am not doomed to always be a cheater. Many people marry the wrong person. I thought I married the right person the first time and knew I didn't the second time. My thoughts are that if you are lucky enough to find someone who you share great chemistry, compatibility and have many common interests with then that is the recipe for a long lasting monogamous relationship. Not without bumps in the road of course.

[EnigmaXOXO]

Nope.

 

Never have. Never will.

 

I guess I’m what they refer to as one of those “walk-away” wives and/or girlfriends.

 

Pick your poison.

[1Stupidgirl]

No I never have. I don't think I could live with myself and the guilt, much less hurt someone I said I loved.

[Krytellan]

I have never cheated.

 

I have been cheated on once. I took her back and had to end it a year later because I realized I could never forget or forgive it, no matter how wonderful she was after and how hard I tried.

[Jinxx]

You have no regrets having cheated on your 2nd husband???

 

And your "temporary" reconciliation, or any kind of reconciliation for that matter, will not work if you are still in contact with the XMM in any way shape or form. If you are are to get back with your 2nd husband, you have to have absolutely no contact with this other man.

 

 

 

You are if you get back with your 2nd husband and still maintain contact with the other man.

 

And if you maintain contact with this other man a get back with your husband, whether you cheat again or not, it is damn disrespectful to your husband. Think about it, do you really think your husband wants you having any kind of relationship with a man you slept with when married to him?

 

 

 

Ok, now I'm confused. If you KNOW you didn't marry the right person the 2nd time, why are you trying to "reconcile"?

 

I'll try to keep this short as possible. My husband is ill and cannot work at the moment. He nearly bled to death a month ago and was just informed he needs surgery. There is a possibility of us losing our home, something both us do not want to happen if I don't move back in as he cannot afford the mortgage on his home while he is not working.

 

Not that it is any of your business but we have discussed a "temporary" reconcilliation as to allow him to get back on his feet financially after surgery. We have too much invested to lose if we don't give it a try. Plus he will need someone there to care for him.

 

And yes, if you read my previous post, I still have limited contact with XMM but not physical.

 

My husband does not no about the relationship I had with XMM and will never know. Yes, it was disprectful, no friggin kidding that is was disprectful. But it was my choice and I did it and can't take it back. There will no more cheating on my part while I am back in my house.

 

Oh -- and while we were separated, my husband had a couple of girlfriends, which he denies (my daughter caught him). Good for him. We were still married but separated. Do you consider that cheating? I don't.

 

I'm giving it a year until my daughter graduates high school then both my husband and I will sit down like two responsible adults and decide what to do.

 

Hopefully that answers your questions.

[oppath]

No, I've never cheated. I never would. If a relationship isn't working out, I end it. It is that simple.

 

Have I been cheated on? I've had trust broken. My last gf's ex actually proposed to her a couple weeks before our breakup; I'm pretty sure she went on a date with another guy before our breakup; earlier in our relationship, after bf/gf title, I guess her ex and her hung out and he spent the night. Now, I'm willing to believe her actually that nothing sexual happened, but it's still intensely disrespectful and a betrayal of trust. I've been wrecked as a result but I suppose the lesson is you can't expect someone else's values to align with your own. One point of dating is to filter out the discrepancies. I couldn't date a woman who cheated recently, it would have to be 5 years in the past. It's not the cheating itself that is a red flag, it is the fact that the person obviously couldn't end the current relationship or communicate issues, and I need someone assertive.

[Jinxx]

if I don't move back in as he cannot afford the mortgage on hishome while he is not working.

 

I couldn't edit my previous post but wanted to clarify that both of us own the house he living in. It is our home, not solely his.

[reef man]

Not that it is any of your business but we have discussed a "temporary" reconcilliation as to allow him to get back on his feet financially after surgery. We have too much invested to lose if we don't give it a try. Plus he will need someone there to care for him. .

 

Thanks for the reply.

 

But if it isn't any of my, or anyone elses, business, then don't bring it into the forum.

[Jinxx]

Thanks for the reply.

 

But if it isn't any of my, or anyone elses, business, then don't bring it into the forum.

 

Hey you asked and I answered . This is an open forum. You came off quite hostile towards me. I only responded back the relevant points.

 

Additionally, I initially replied to the topic of this thread "Be Honest". So I did -- I honestly shared my thoughts and situation which unfortunately strikes a nerve with too many sensitive posters.

 

Maybe you should not bring your negativity to this forum.

[reef man]

Hey you asked and I answered . This is an open forum. You came off quite hostile towards me.

 

I simply asked a few questions because it just didn't make much sense to me. Where was the hostility?

 

you were the one that did the whole "like its any of your business" thing.

[reef man]

I'll try to keep this short as possible. My husband is ill and cannot work at the moment. He nearly bled to death a month ago and was just informed he needs surgery. There is a possibility of us losing our home, something both us do not want to happen if I don't move back in as he cannot afford the mortgage on his home while he is not working.

 

Not that it is any of your business but we have discussed a "temporary" reconcilliation as to allow him to get back on his feet financially after surgery. We have too much invested to lose if we don't give it a try. Plus he will need someone there to care for him.

 

And yes, if you read my previous post, I still have limited contact with XMM but not physical.

 

My husband does not no about the relationship I had with XMM and will never know. Yes, it was disprectful, no friggin kidding that is was disprectful. But it was my choice and I did it and can't take it back. There will no more cheating on my part while I am back in my house.

 

Oh -- and while we were separated, my husband had a couple of girlfriends, which he denies (my daughter caught him). Good for him. We were still married but separated. Do you consider that cheating? I don't.

 

I'm giving it a year until my daughter graduates high school then both my husband and I will sit down like two responsible adults and decide what to do.

 

Hopefully that answers your questions.

 

Really though, thanks for the clarification. This is why I was confused.

What you are talking about isn't a reconciliation at all. Its just you two getting along until your kid is out of school.

[cutegirl]

Speaking for myself (male):

 

5. No, I have never been to a hooker, had any kind of lapdance (to orgasm or otherwise), gotten a happy ending (or any sexual contact) at a massage parlor, gone to a third world country (or any other) for sex tours, or any of cutegirl's other assumptions about 99.9% of men...

 

 

omg, I just saw this

[dbtmarley]

Never have.. never will..

[Lizzie60]

1. Why did you do it?

2. Did your SO find out? If so, how?

3. Do you regret it?

4. Do you think you're doomed to "always be a cheater"? Why/why not?

 

I have never cheated.. with my 2 SOs... I don't think they cheated on me...

 

I am not sure that I would never cheat though... every situation is different...

 

I truly believe that MOST men cheat (more than 95%, my opinion)... and MOST if not ALL would if they had the opportunity and their SO would NEVER find out.

 

I also believe that once a cheater ALWAYS a cheater... in 99% of the cases... IMO.

[UsernameRemoved]

Nope, I would never cheat on my SO or I wouldn't be willing to call her that... I would feel bad for the guy she was with when we met, but he was a prick and they finished before we got together so to the best of my knowledge she's never cheated either.

[shadowofman]

Sure. I've had four long term relationships. Cheated on the first and third.

1. Why did you do it?

2. Did your SO find out? If so, how?

3. Do you regret it?

4. Do you think you're doomed to "always be a cheater"? Why/why not?

The first was in high school, and I had a sex buddy throughout that whole time. Never got caught. No regrets. She cheated too. And we are friends though we live across the country and never talk. (I would be allowed to now anyway)

The second was bisexual so I didn't have to cheat. I could have had whatever I wanted (unfortunately she was a chronic liar, insanly needy, lazy, I could go on and on). I just booted her out.

The third was bisexual too, but pretty possessive. Her end of the relationship was open because I personally believe that possessiveness is immoral, therefore I could not act that way (I've tried hard). I was more than willing to respect her wishes that I remain hers and hers alone. Three years go by, I did all the working, half the cleaning, and she was having so much fun with her lovers (some hot girls too, I was really jealous), and I really just got tired of taking care of her. I had sex with some of her friends. Didn't get caught. No regrets. I broke it up anyway, moved apart, and we continued to have wonderful sex without any commitment or jealousy or possessiveness.

Then I met my wife. She is the great eye. I'm not allowed to talk to pretty women (even longtime friends), ex-girlfriends, ect. She sees all, she knows all. I fell so in love with her so fast that I forgot who I was. I'm still that in love with her, I've just had time to think. I haven't cheated and I don't think I will because I don't want to lie anymore. That makes my options even more frightening and bleak. No future for me.

[Anka]

Yes.

 

I cheated on my first husband. Reason was becuase I felt we were roomates and nothing more. There was NO intimacy at all. I had a brief affair with my best friends nieghbor. I feel somewhat bad, but not for my ex.

 

He was a sex addict so he spent a good deal of time on the comp doing God knows what. I only went back to him and tried to work it out becuase I found out that I was pregnant. My affair was not sexual, we fooled around a bit, but mostly we just hung out and cuddled.

 

My relationship after that I had a exit affiar with my now fiance. I was in a abusive situation and I met my fiance online. We are together.

 

I dont feel good that I have cheated and will not cheat ever agian. I have found the balls to be honest about my needs and to cut a bad relationship. I also noticed that I have only cheated in unhealthy relationships.

[StayClose]

It depends. There was one period during which I was dating two women, and have having sex with both of them, one time on consecutive nights. But there was no exclusivity agreement with either of them.

 

1. Why did you do it?

When I was single, I tended to be the "nice guy" who was often told "let's just be friends." I often went with months whithout a single date, and as long as two years between sexual encounters. During this period, I was thinking my lucky stars that two women liked be at the same time. I felt I shouldn't blow either opportunity.

 

2. Did your SO find out? If so, how?

 

Neither of them found out about the other.

 

3. Do you regret it?

 

Not really

 

4. Do you think you're doomed to "always be a cheater"? Why/why not?

 

No. I have never violated an exclusivity agreement I have made with a woman.