Does The Pain Go Away :(

[garagegal]

This is my second time in the forum and i would just like to ask all you people out there, HAS ANYONE BEEN THROUGH THIS AND IF SO, HOW DID YOU DEAL WITH IT.

 

Basically me and my boyfriend split up after a two year relationship, we both knew it probably wasnt the end, but still wanted a break as things had been bad for a while. we split in september, by december he had had a bloody one nite stand with his ex and broke my heart by telling me she was 3 months PREAGNANT.

 

Im DEVESTATED PEOPLE, he told me in dec 02 and im still in love with him and as ive discovered him with me.

 

he told me to him it was just a shag, and even admitted he wouldnt of even told me , had she not got preagnant.

 

I know it takes 2 but his ex wanted him back and trapped him by not even telling him till she was gone 3 months. He made it clear he wasnt ready to be a father but its not his choice, she wants to keep it.

 

we still see each other at a mutual friends and weve both cried and spoke at lengh on how we both feel.

 

I feel so cheated by him, wot do i do

Is there any hope we could ever make it work, or im i kidding myself.

 

any reply will be greatly recieved.

 

brokenhearted

[Tony T]

There is always hope for anything. This is not the end of the world.

 

There was a similar post as yours yesterday...almost exactly the same facts. And I give you the same answer here that I gave the other person hoping it wasn't you and you didn't like the answer.

 

There was a reason you broke up with him. Think back about that. A break up is a break up, plain and simple. It's absolutely nuts to break up with somebody having in mind you will come back together again in the future. When you let somebody you care about out of their contract, you free them up to see and/or screw anybody they please. Didn't you realize that?

 

Now, if he doesn't care about this lady he doesn't need to have anything to do with her except pay $500 to $750 per month child support...whatever the courts award to her or what they can work out on their own. If he really loves you, that will be a small price to pay to be with the one he really loves.

 

Now sit back and watch. If he hangs out with her and remains with her, that makes a very clear statement and you should pay attention.

 

Let him know he can always visit his child when he's with you and he will be free to do that. The problem is you'll always wonder if he's getting some on the side during such visitations. If you can work out that little buger, you'll be just fine.

 

My guess is that your renewed spark of interest in being with him has a lot to do with this pregnancy thing. Maybe I'm wrong.

 

But this can all work out once you stop being so emotional and start thinking straight and practical. My guess is sometime in the future you'll meet a decent guy you'll love where life won't be nearly as complicated. Life is difficult enough as it is without adding this kind of drama to it.

 

I wish you great luck and the wisdom to ensure yourself great love!!!

[HokeyReligions]

Originally posted by garagegal

I feel so cheated by him, wot do i do

Is there any hope we could ever make it work, or im i kidding myself.

 

There is no magic answer. I know that lots of people have been through this and the answer is different for each and every person.

 

I wonder what kind of relationship you two had or may have if neither of you hold him responsible for his actions? Did his ex knock him unconscious and rape him? No? Then he made a decision that hurt you and now he only regrets it because he was caught -- by a pregnancy.

 

Does the pain go away? Sure it does - but no one can tell you when, or what to do to help the pain go away. But it will go away and be replaced by other emotions. No one can tell you what those will be either. Could be regret or anger or it could be absolute joy or anything in between.

[ThisGirlNameKD]

I'm alittle confused here. Did I miss something? First, you said by December he had a one night stand and the girl was 3 months pregnant. If she was 3 months pregnant in January, and they slept together in December, how could the baby be his? Unless they were sleeping together before December, or unless...the baby is not his.

 

But he told you something pretty important that you might want to think about. He said if she wasn't pregnant, he wouldn't have told you. So how honest could he be as a mate? How would you know if he's ever being faithful to you, if the only time he confesses to you is when he gets caught? Do you really feel that's something you can live with? Or do you feel that's something that you're worth having to deal with?

[Bummed]

it goes away. but first you have to decide the relationship is over. until you decide it is over no matter what you won't heal because you won't stop hoping and then feeling disappointed.