Should I send the email?

[M.S.W.H.Y]

Hi everyone,

 

I do need some opinions. I have a problem in figuring out what to do with a guy in my grad school, who I used to hang out with since last summer. I have a huge crush on him. He is nice, serious, and I do trust him. He was working while going to grad school; obviously, he always had a busy schedule. I did not dare to take up to much of his time. So, I just asked him to hang out and study together in coffee shops.

 

After last spring break, he did not even have time to study with me anymore. I've tried to set up a time that we can meet, but just failed. He accelerated his program and graduated last month. What made me upset is, during those 2 months from spring break until now, every time I asked him to hang out, he always said he could not make it on the date I asked, but in the following week. Then I kept hoping and was pissed off again and again.

 

I wrote down what I was thinking: I did want to know him better, that I had great time hanging out with him, that I kept wondering what was going on, why it was so difficult to meet him, how I was pissed off by him. My problem now is my friend told me I should not send that email. He said it's not wise to tell someone that they pissed you, just forget them because they don't deserve you. But I still like him a lot, still want to know him better. What should I do now?

[garnet]

I strongly advise you not to send the email. You will come off as clingy and desperate.

 

I know how hard it is to accept, but if he wanted to hang out with you he would. If you have asked him several times this probably makes him feel pressured, so I would back off and move on. Last summer was a long time ago so I suspect that if something were going to happen between the two of you, it would have by now.

 

If he is interested, he knows where to find you and he will contact you on his own. But sending the email will have the opposite effect that I think you want.

[konfuzd]

No, I would definately not send the e-mail! You are not in a relationship, so he owes you none of his time. I know you want all the above questions answered, but you are not going to get them that way.

 

If you really want to spend time with him, why not tell him you need help on a project or something? Guys love to know (or think) they are needed, and to help the 'damsel in distress'. Keep it light hearted, something like, "I know you're really busy, but I really want to pick your brain on ----. I'll buy you dinner for your services" or something of that nature.

 

I had a similar situation with a guy recently, and I made the mistake of sending the e-mail. Bad idea. I got a responsse something like "screw you and your drama, I don't need this right now"... and didn't hear from him in months. Then, just recently, I just sent a short text, saying, "just wanted to say hi, see how you're doing, kinda miss ya". He called me the next day asking me to go for dinner with him.

 

So, pretty much the key here is to keep things on the low key, no pressure. Hope things work out for you.

[che_jesse]

No, dont send it.

 

He already made it clear he does not want to be with you. Just take the rejection and move on hun. You will come off sounding like a psychotic stalker if you send it.

[1Stupidgirl]

If it were me and I really wanted to make contact with him I would just send a short little email and say something like, I just wanted to say hi and see how you were doing.. I definitely wouldn't send the pissed off email. Good Luck!

[M.S.W.H.Y]

Thank you guys for advising me. You're right, sending that email will give me the opposite answer I expected. I will stop trying to contact him for a while.