Aurora Posted January 29, 2003 Share Posted January 29, 2003 My first love was wonderful...the most absolutely deep and fulfilling relationship I ever had. Everything was perfect-for me. Obviosuly he didn't feel the same way cos he is my ex. Its been 3 years now, but he seems to get in the way of my dating. Whoever I dated, is just not him... I still give my new relationships a chance, but really, at the end of the day I am not truly fulfilled, satisfied... Its like I am settling for less cos I can't have who I really want. Will this feeling ever pass? Will it be possible to ever feel anything for anyone? In some ways I feel my new boyfriends have been better for me, offering me what I need, but I don't get the feeling I had when i was with him. The feeling of being in true harmony with someone, and thus in true harmony with the cosmic universe. I know it sounds weird, but it is true...with him, its like I also connected to the universe. Link to post Share on other sites
midori Posted January 29, 2003 Share Posted January 29, 2003 I've struggled with a similar feeling about my ex. It's been a long time, nearly as much as you've had. I finally got to the point where I knew, deeply and fully, that my ex was not the one for me and that the dynamics of our relationship did not and could not make me truly happy, only when it dawned on me that my attachment to my ex was less about him and my love for him, and more about what he represented to me. I met my ex at a time when I was struggling to figure out what I wanted to do with my life. I wanted to do work that was significant, I wanted to feel like I was making a valuable contribution to the world. My ex was doing just that. There were other things about him that were attractive to me, and yes, he himself was attractive to me. But when I finally learned to separate him from the other things that I wanted (because I was finally pursuing those things directly, myself, instead of trying to experience them vicariously through him), I saw that there was little to him that I couldn't find in another person, and many things about him that I didn't want. I'm not doubting that you love(d) your ex. But if you're holding onto the idea of him, there must be other things embedded in that idea of him besides love ... since you're not getting love from him. Maybe if you can figure out what those other things are, you can detach them from the idea of him, and then put that reduced vision of your ex behind you, while pursuing the other, subtle things you crave in other more likely directions. Don't despair. You'll love again. Link to post Share on other sites
Aurora Posted January 29, 2003 Share Posted January 29, 2003 What you say sounds very likely... But what about the 'cosmic universe' bit...? Or is that all in our head...? It did feel real... Link to post Share on other sites
Tony T Posted January 29, 2003 Share Posted January 29, 2003 YOU WRITE: "Everything was perfect-for me. Obviosuly he didn't feel the same way cos he is my ex." Well, if it wasn't what he wanted then it wasn't the "perfect-for-you" love you thought it was. Love is mutual, fulfilling and rewarding. There is simply no way you can be with somebody you're in love with who doesn't feel the same way in return and feel good about it. Yes, you can be there for years hoping things will change...but they seldom do. You're ex did the right thing by leaving if he didn't reciprocate your feelings. You seem to be stuck. I know how my first love felt. It was truly great and I value the memories. But I value my life and my future more and that's why I unstick myself and move forward after relationships. In memory, we tend to build things up to a far greater point than existed in reality. Our minds can be our worst enemy if we don't take ownership of them and make them work for us instead of against us. It sounds like you were "hooked on a feeling" as the song goes but that's addiction, not love. If you can't get over your first love and the severe damage it continues to do in your life, see a counsellor. You need to work through this real bad or it will affect all your relationships. Try to start living in the moment, enjoying each day...each love...each encounter...for what it is at the time and then letting it go. You'll feel a lot better that way. Oh, yes, keep your fond memories of everything. Those are nice to think about sometimes. But they are the past and will never appear again. Don't be a slave to them because they done give one hoot about you. They are dead except in your head. Link to post Share on other sites
Aurora Posted January 29, 2003 Share Posted January 29, 2003 You are so right Link to post Share on other sites
quankanne Posted January 29, 2003 Share Posted January 29, 2003 remember what the Rolling Stones said, "you can't always get what you want, but you just might find that you get what you need." I think that applies to love, too. I remember the headiness of being "in love" -- and madly in love, at that -- with a guy from my college philosophy class. But apparently, I was just someone to make time with until the girl HE loved became available. I was devastated because I thought he was Mr. Right, my destiny, the one I was definitely was meant to be with because I was so in love with him. But now I realize that what I've got with my husband is the kind of love I'm meant for, something more solid, more steady, more real than I had with Mr. Wonderful. And when I think about it, this love is what I'd consider a cosmic coupling because of the journeys we each made to find each other. So don't give up -- your definition of a cosmic love is probably gonna vary with the cosmos'!!!! Link to post Share on other sites
Aurora Posted February 2, 2003 Share Posted February 2, 2003 Thanks quankanne ) What a lovely positive thought ) Link to post Share on other sites
Aurora Posted February 2, 2003 Share Posted February 2, 2003 Thanks quankanne What a lovely positive thought Link to post Share on other sites
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