girlie908 Posted June 6, 2007 Share Posted June 6, 2007 Hey I was just wondering how often you keep in touch with your partner in an LDR? Because I know it can change based on relationship, but I'm thinking mine is on the low side. So how often do you guys keep in touch? What's the spectrum like from too much contact to not enough? Link to post Share on other sites
johan Posted June 6, 2007 Share Posted June 6, 2007 My opinion: It's sufficient to email each other several times a day. That is all it takes to consider yourself in a committed relationship, destined for marriage. Link to post Share on other sites
1Stupidgirl Posted June 6, 2007 Share Posted June 6, 2007 My bf is really into routine and I talk to him twice a day. Generally around 9:00 (when cell minutes are free), and one more time to say goodnight. There have been times when I've been busy or he has and we didn't talk for a day or two, but twice has been our norm. I have been in LDR's (my previous marriage) where it was much, much less! Link to post Share on other sites
taiko Posted June 6, 2007 Share Posted June 6, 2007 There are no hard and set rules except as much as you can while still maintaining other obligations. Different timezones and the need for sleep/work may keep you apart more than other couples. Money and lack of high speed basically free internet connections or long distance phone service may also hold you back. Link to post Share on other sites
Author girlie908 Posted June 6, 2007 Author Share Posted June 6, 2007 ok thanks for your opinions! i was just wondering bc i didn't want to seem like a clingy girlfriend. but here's my story: i go to college with my current bf, but we are 4 hours apart during the summer. we were separated last summer and i voiced my concerns about wanting to stay in touch and communicate at least every other day. i feel like this does not really matter to my bf bc he rarely calls/contacts me, and i do most of the calling while feeling really upset the whole while. i'm seeing him this thursday (mostly bc i asked if i could stay with him bc i'm going to a grad party and he was hesitant at first to let me stay there bc he has an exam next week but i have 3 and i'm willing) so maybe i'm just being unreasonable. do u think maybe we're just not compatible in staying in touch and that i should find someone who's willing to be committed to me? i actually become really sad knowing that i haven't heard from him, once again. i'd really appreciate your opinions everyone and thanks. Link to post Share on other sites
Trialbyfire Posted June 6, 2007 Share Posted June 6, 2007 The difficult part is that men aren't as fond of communication as we ladies prefer. It's no different from when you're in a face-to-face situation and the men tune out, eyes firmly locked in secret communion with the TV. Link to post Share on other sites
This_Too_Shall_Pass Posted June 6, 2007 Share Posted June 6, 2007 My opinion: It's sufficient to email each other several times a day. That is all it takes to consider yourself in a committed relationship, destined for marriage. I actually agree with this. The only trouble is, both parties should feel this way. In my last relationship, I was kind of surprised to discover after almost 2 years that he didn't think the same way that I did. You should've seen my face then, it was a droll sight. Link to post Share on other sites
pelagicsands Posted June 6, 2007 Share Posted June 6, 2007 Put a webcam with a microphone in the shower, and work that shower head, baby. Seriously, though, a sudsy lather and a catchy tune is more than enough. Link to post Share on other sites
This_Too_Shall_Pass Posted June 6, 2007 Share Posted June 6, 2007 Put a webcam with a microphone in the shower, and work that shower head, baby. Seriously, though, a sudsy lather and a catchy tune is more than enough. Pinky, when will you post a non-oblique post? I wish you'd let in more on what you really think about something....something like your initial posts on this forum. But I guess it might be too much for the LSers. They'd be blinded by your brilliance. Link to post Share on other sites
pelagicsands Posted June 6, 2007 Share Posted June 6, 2007 Like you said, it's about negotiating a level which keeps you both happy. Even if you're busy, a quick good morning and sweet dreams call should curb the frustration. There are so many ways to keep in contact these days. Something of a revolution. Which do you use? Cell, email, IM, VOIP (Skype et al.), scented notepaper?? Link to post Share on other sites
This_Too_Shall_Pass Posted June 6, 2007 Share Posted June 6, 2007 Like you said, it's about negotiating a level which keeps you both happy. Even if you're busy, a quick good morning and sweet dreams call should curb the frustration. There are so many ways to keep in contact these days. Something of a revolution. Which do you use? Cell, email, IM, VOIP (Skype et al.), scented notepaper?? the first paragraph. The second one I am cautious about, because of the scented notepaper bit Link to post Share on other sites
Storyrider Posted June 6, 2007 Share Posted June 6, 2007 the first paragraph. The second one I am cautious about, because of the scented notepaper bit Yes, scented like what, one is tempted to ask. Elephant musk? Cut him some slack. We can't expect complete sincerity on the first try. Link to post Share on other sites
This_Too_Shall_Pass Posted June 6, 2007 Share Posted June 6, 2007 Yes, scented like what, one is tempted to ask. Elephant musk? Cut him some slack. We can't expect complete sincerity on the first try. You read my mind, Story. Scented like what? A mean elephant would rub in all the unpleasant jungle smells. Link to post Share on other sites
pelagicsands Posted June 6, 2007 Share Posted June 6, 2007 Scented like what? A mean elephant would rub in all the unpleasant jungle smells. I happen to keep that area quite tastefully trimmed. Link to post Share on other sites
This_Too_Shall_Pass Posted June 6, 2007 Share Posted June 6, 2007 I happen to keep that area quite tastefully trimmed. I did NOT mean what you mean. You're just sick in the mind. A mad elephant. Story, what say we poach this one. Link to post Share on other sites
pelagicsands Posted June 6, 2007 Share Posted June 6, 2007 Story, what say we poach this one. Do what you must. My rump will be particularly juicy. Think of me whenever you're tinkling with the baby grand in your living room. In my defence - what a terrible waste of a large, muscular, ribbed appendage. Link to post Share on other sites
Storyrider Posted June 6, 2007 Share Posted June 6, 2007 Do what you must. My rump will be particularly juicy. Think of me whenever you're tinkling with the baby grand in your living room. In my defence - what a terrible waste of a large, muscular, ribbed appendage. At least he's used to abrupt endings. Link to post Share on other sites
pelagicsands Posted June 6, 2007 Share Posted June 6, 2007 At least he's used to abrupt endings. I'd never be abrupt with your ending, baby. Link to post Share on other sites
BohemeRose Posted June 6, 2007 Share Posted June 6, 2007 We talk every night on the phone. We both work all day during the week, so that's basically all we can do on week days. On the weekend, we talk a little more and chat online when we're both home, too. We only get to see each other about twice a year as it stands now, but the daily contact has helped us along through the distance so far. Link to post Share on other sites
DOA Posted June 6, 2007 Share Posted June 6, 2007 Different timezones sucks, and it gets really exhausting after a while trying to coincide a time to talk together. Usually it's at an obscure hour for one of you, or if it's at a "good" time for both of you, that time is extremely limited, to maybe 10 minutes before you have to rush out to work or school or just damn sleep or something. I have guy friends who say they can just go once a week. I have others who say twice a week is more than enough. And I have one friend whose bf rings her like 4 times a day! Then I get my girlfriends who start crying and getting paranoid if their boy misses their daily talks one night suddenly. It's up to you to set the standards, but I think LDRs with timezone differences tend to be a bit more tricky...and as a result, you'll need to be more patient and understanding. But I think every two days or something sounds pretty reasonable to me if you are both juggling hectic lifestyles in your respective home countries too. Just as long as when you DO get to talk, that you discuss relevant and meaningful things about your daily life and don't get lazy filling them in with what is going on, because time spent with your sweetheart is quite precious. Link to post Share on other sites
Trialbyfire Posted June 6, 2007 Share Posted June 6, 2007 Amount of contact is very individual. Some people simply enjoy chatting all day long and others, enough is enough. It also depends on whether you consider the other person a friend who is interesting or whether you stereotypically put them in the "mate only" box. Link to post Share on other sites
corazoncito Posted June 6, 2007 Share Posted June 6, 2007 I was in an LDR for about a year and half with an 8/9 hour time difference (btw - we're living together now, so happy endings are possible!). What was more important than the frequency of contact was the consistency. I think if people go through phases of constant contact and then phases of no contact, it can drive you crazy. It helps to know when to expect that person will be in touch. For us, it was either an email or an IM converstation once a day (late night for him, afternoon for me). We talked by Skype, but not everyday, maybe once or twice a week. That was enough for us to keep in touch, but still miss each other a little, in a nice way. Link to post Share on other sites
sb129 Posted June 6, 2007 Share Posted June 6, 2007 Wonderboy and I talk two or three times a day either by skype or by phone. And text a few times. And we are moving in together at the end of the month! Link to post Share on other sites
catrocks Posted June 6, 2007 Share Posted June 6, 2007 Yay, I like to read about happy endings My fiancé and I email back and forth a few times a day, and we speak on the phone every night. At the weekends we talk more online. Only 5 hours time difference helps, it used to be 8 and that could get annoying. Link to post Share on other sites
sao2 Posted June 7, 2007 Share Posted June 7, 2007 9 hours time difference here. The gf is volunteering(and hence on a fixed income w/ limited internet) she doesn't get to contact me as much as she(or I) would like. I call on the phone maybe 2-3 times a week for about an hour. We also text each other a couple of times per day. Snail mail has proven unreliable. We email about once a week or so. Link to post Share on other sites
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