ToriJ Posted June 6, 2007 Share Posted June 6, 2007 Hi well im new here and have been reading a few posts but none seem to answer my questions. Ill try and keep it short. I was with my boyfriend for 2 and a half years. We broke up in Jan for 2 months cause he was having some problems. We got back together in march and everything seemed really great. We were going to go to australlia for a year travelling, we went on holidays, he told me every day how much he loved me and wanted to spend his life with me. The first morning we got back together we woke up beside eachother and he said the first taught that came into his mind was "im going to spend my life with this woman". I coulnt have been happier. Anyway i found out on the nights he was going out with the lads he was seeing other girls. I heard from his best friend they werent even good looking girls he just wanted to be with anyone that would have him. I broke up with him when i found out obviously but i just dont understand why he did this. He had me at home but he still felt the need to do this. Since we broke up he changed his number the next day and the only time he contacted me was at half 4 in the morning the day of my birthday. Can anyone please give me some insite as to why he has acted this way. I feel like he never even cared about me at all. Link to post Share on other sites
Lizzie60 Posted June 6, 2007 Share Posted June 6, 2007 Hi well im new here and have been reading a few posts but none seem to answer my questions. Ill try and keep it short. I was with my boyfriend for 2 and a half years. We broke up in Jan for 2 months cause he was having some problems. We got back together in march and everything seemed really great. We were going to go to australlia for a year travelling, we went on holidays, he told me every day how much he loved me and wanted to spend his life with me. The first morning we got back together we woke up beside eachother and he said the first taught that came into his mind was "im going to spend my life with this woman". I coulnt have been happier. Anyway i found out on the nights he was going out with the lads he was seeing other girls. I heard from his best friend they werent even good looking girls he just wanted to be with anyone that would have him. I broke up with him when i found out obviously but i just dont understand why he did this. He had me at home but he still felt the need to do this. Since we broke up he changed his number the next day and the only time he contacted me was at half 4 in the morning the day of my birthday. Can anyone please give me some insite as to why he has acted this way. I feel like he never even cared about me at all. It,s hard to say.. he could have been a very good actor... a selfish jerk who only thinks about his own pleasure... Weird that he changed his number though... If I were you, I would move on... don't waste your time on him... life is too short! Link to post Share on other sites
bab Posted June 6, 2007 Share Posted June 6, 2007 To me it sounds like this guy has some self-destructive tendencies. For some reason it just sounds a bit different than your standard run of the mill jerk. Sounds like he might need some individual counseling. That being said, it isn't your responsibility to help him. I say cut your losses and start the healing process without him. Link to post Share on other sites
BonneKarma Posted June 6, 2007 Share Posted June 6, 2007 I second that - move on. I can imagine how painful this has been for you but you won't begin to heal until you stop trying to understand his motivations. He did what he did, and he's a jerk and a liar. He changed his number because he's a coward too. End of story. You deserve much, much better. Don't punish yourself for believing what he told you, I personally believe in trusting until you have proof otherwise. You did no wrong. Move on, find some good people to spend your time with and start your healing. Don't waste another thought on this guy. Link to post Share on other sites
Author ToriJ Posted June 6, 2007 Author Share Posted June 6, 2007 I think your right in saying he's not your run of the mill cheater. Like he says all these things, acts like im the most amazing girl alive and then does this. When i asked him about it he only admitted to kissing one girl when i know it was much more. He was also texting 3 different girls and he said that was a pathetic confidence booster and that he's a loser and my life will be better off without him. He said he couldnt tell me about it because i would leave him and he coulnt bear the taughts of losing the girl he wants to spend his life with - his words. Then he goes and changes his number!!! I just really dont understand at all! Link to post Share on other sites
SueBee3490 Posted June 6, 2007 Share Posted June 6, 2007 Tori, I also dated my bf for 2 1/2 yrs and he cheated on me during those times too. You are in a better position than me though because I married the jerk not knowing he was cheating. I would take Lizzie's advice and move on. As I said I ended up getting married and I regret it every day. The thoughts of his betrayal, lying, cheating never leave my mind and especially when I'm with him. As to your question of "why"? I just don't know because I ask that everyday too. Mine also lead me to believe I was the best thing that ever happened to him, one in a million, blah, blah, blah. I ate it all up and trusted him only to find out he was going out on me with anything that would have him. Funny my bf also went out with some that weren't so good looking also so I asked him why he didn't take them around his family, to bbq's, etc. but he would take me? He more or less said because I was good looking (his brothers all told him that) but he didn't want to take these other women around them. I told him that doesn't say much about him in that these women are good enough to screw but not good enough to be seen in public with! I called him a superficial pig I think these people that cheat just don't know what love is. It's not just saying the words but it shows more in your actions. The first component of love is "respect". Respect would be being truthful with your partner - if you want to date others - then tell them - simple as that. Not leading them to believe you are monogamous but sneaking around behind their back cheating. I always respected my bf not only in that I didn't cheat but also I didn't talk badly of him to friends or family. I was so proud of him and I let others know that I was glad to have him and how lucky I was. So I believe people such as your bf and mine just aren't capable of love. They love themselves but are incapable of loving others. Link to post Share on other sites
Author ToriJ Posted June 6, 2007 Author Share Posted June 6, 2007 Hi Suebee thanks for your reply. He sounds just like my ex and i have no doubt if i hadnt have found out we would still be together planning our future together. I feel sick when i think about it all. I am actually coping really well, its 2 weeks today and not once have i had the need to contact him. I could text his work number or email him but i just dont want to. What i need is closure but i dont want to get that off him. I know its over for good, i will never take him back but i need to know how he could and why he would do this to me. I was with my last boyfriend for 4 years and he was seeing a girl behind my back for 6 months. I explained this when i got with my now ex how trust is the most important thing to me and all through our relationship he worked so hard to gain my trust and he did. I was utterly shocked to find out he hurt me this way. I think i would prefer if he was cheating with one special girl rather than anyting that will have him!!! Its descusting. Link to post Share on other sites
Trialbyfire Posted June 6, 2007 Share Posted June 6, 2007 Do a search on Loveshack with the words "narcissm","narcisstic" or "narcisstic personality disorder". You will find loads of information on the self-entitled. Link to post Share on other sites
SueBee3490 Posted June 6, 2007 Share Posted June 6, 2007 Do a search on Loveshack with the words "narcissm","narcisstic" or "narcisstic personality disorder". You will find loads of information on the self-entitled. Thanks Trial Also do a google on sociopath. I was actually told by one of my H's gfs (after she found out that he was engaged) that he was a sociopath. After reading that, I think he is! Link to post Share on other sites
Trialbyfire Posted June 6, 2007 Share Posted June 6, 2007 Thanks Trial Also do a google on sociopath. I was actually told by one of my H's gfs (after she found out that he was engaged) that he was a sociopath. After reading that, I think he is! Glad to be of assistance SueBee. LS is a self-fueling site. We help each other. Link to post Share on other sites
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