ThumbingMyWay Posted June 6, 2007 Share Posted June 6, 2007 There was another thread that prompted me to start this one….maoz's one about the late 30’s woman attracted to the younger guy at work. She has such lust in her….so much that she actually told the guy her feelings. What I am wondering…..why/how does LUST have such power over some people? In my situ…given my wifes affair. I asked her this too. Given the fact she worked with the OM. She stated it was an instant attraction on both parts. Started with flirting, then meet for lunch…then for drinks….then spill your guts….then eventually it went sexual. In the beginning, she also said she tried her best to keep it in….but the fact that she worked with OM everyday and he worked on her….he reeled her in….but she was willing too. I think the fact she saw him more hours in the day than I did, didn’t help. which I think is a big factor for workplace affairs. As for me. I have lust too….LOTS of it. but for what ever reason, I can keep in under wraps and don’t let it come out into reality…it stays inside my head or heads LOL. There are several woman who I have lust for….and my gut tells me they feel the same. Ya know the connection you just know they feel too. When I am physically near these woman…my heart races and it feels awesome…no denying that. I have even so much as had fantasy encounters in my head…have done a flirting routine in my head on how I would approach them to see if they feel it too. But that’s where it stays. Its like the good side of my brain, lets me know the reality of this is wrong you are married. But I have to confess….its difficult…there is one in particular I just know feels the same….but I wont go there…no way. but it would be nice to know…but I also know if I opened that can of worms…just to satisfy my ego or gut feeling…it would make it VERY awkward….or what if she didn’t feel the same…then I would look like a schmuck. Its funny though….my daughter had a bday sleepover. And one mother is just smoking HOT….dam….just my type too. When she came to pick up her kid….we changed smiles, hellos…but hers was a flirty one…a smile and head nod to the side, direct eye contact..a spark for me definitely. My wife noticed this too…LOL….after she left, my wife says…”hey…you just keep your eyes on me”. I said back…but that mom is HOT…my wife smiled and said…I know, I think shes hot too….LOL… Anyway… How do you control your lust? If you cant control it….what rationalization do you use when you step over the line to flirt more and see if its mutual? And if it was….what did you do about it? Link to post Share on other sites
Trialbyfire Posted June 6, 2007 Share Posted June 6, 2007 When I was married or in a committed relationship, if I found someone the least bit attractive, I would shut it down ruthlessly in my head. Not allowing fantasies, imagination, nothing. If they entered my thoughts at inappropriate times, I would overwrite the thoughts with past good incidents with my SOs. It's a conscious effort on the part of the individual to remain true to their SOs, however you choose to handle this, instead of allowing temptation to take over. It's not like the opportunities didn't abound within the industry I work in. Link to post Share on other sites
JackJack Posted June 6, 2007 Share Posted June 6, 2007 I don't really have an answer for your question TMW. But, I'll take a stab, maybe some people are more impulsive than others? I'm not saying theres justification in that, but just saying maybe impulses are more hard to control for some people. I don't think it can really be said for ALL people who are impulsive, but I know some people who are impulsive with eveything they do, and are more than likely not able to control or keep something such as dishing out ones feelings for another to themselves. Its kind of like, its just something they have to get out of their systems by telling the other person maybe? Kind of like a kid in a shop full of glass, they were told not to touch it, they know they shouldn't, but they just couldn't help it. Other than that, I don't know. Link to post Share on other sites
Author ThumbingMyWay Posted June 6, 2007 Author Share Posted June 6, 2007 It's a conscious effort on the part of the individual to remain true to their SOs right...I always said respectful behavoir is when you behave and act the same wether your SO is with you or not. You could take it further to say, I disrepect my spouse by having these thoughts...so i need to get them out of my head. Now some would say....but no one knows your inner lust thoughts....but some of us have a conscience we are one with...and to say no one knows....its not true...because YOU know. Link to post Share on other sites
Trialbyfire Posted June 6, 2007 Share Posted June 6, 2007 right...I always said respectful behavoir is when you behave and act the same wether your SO is with you or not. You could take it further to say, I disrepect my spouse by having these thoughts...so i need to get them out of my head. Now some would say....but no one knows your inner lust thoughts....but some of us have a conscience we are one with...and to say no one knows....its not true...because YOU know. Perhaps too many people feel that it's up to their SOs to make them so deliriously happy, thoughts of others will never enter their minds. I see this as kind of ridiculous. A relationship is a lot of work and needs the active cooperation of both parties involved. Link to post Share on other sites
Author ThumbingMyWay Posted June 6, 2007 Author Share Posted June 6, 2007 maybe impulses are more hard to control for some people. interesting.... my wife is impulsive and lives for the moment sometimes...hmmm i am more conservative and anylitical...i dont take alot of risks with out looking at the whole picture..... Link to post Share on other sites
PandorasBox Posted June 6, 2007 Share Posted June 6, 2007 i am more conservative and anylitical...i dont take alot of risks with out looking at the whole picture..... Maybe that is the answer right there. Some don't look at the whole picture before saying or doing something. Or even if they do its not enough to actually stop them. Link to post Share on other sites
Trialbyfire Posted June 6, 2007 Share Posted June 6, 2007 Some don't look at the whole picture before saying or doing something. Or even if they do its not enough to actually stop them. Technically speaking, how invested is this person in the relationship, if legal and emotional bonds are insufficient to hold them, impulsive or not? Link to post Share on other sites
PandorasBox Posted June 6, 2007 Share Posted June 6, 2007 [/b] Technically speaking, how invested is this person in the relationship, if legal and emotional bonds are insufficient to hold them, impulsive or not? I really don't know. I was just saying, that maybe for some people nothing is enough to stop them period, if its something they really want to do or say. Especially if they don't look at the whole picture or their judgements are cloudy because they are not thinking clearly. Link to post Share on other sites
Trialbyfire Posted June 6, 2007 Share Posted June 6, 2007 I really don't know. I was just saying, that maybe for some people nothing is enough to stop them period, if its something they really want to do or say. Especially if they don't look at the whole picture or their judgements are cloudy because they are not thinking clearly. Agreed to an extent. The difficulty I see is that judgement only becomes cloudy when you allow it to proceed beyond simple attraction. Most adults are capable of big picture thinking in reference to a relationship. Maybe I'm giving more credit than is due. Who knows. Link to post Share on other sites
JackJack Posted June 6, 2007 Share Posted June 6, 2007 Most adults are capable of big picture thinking in reference to a relationship. I agree with this. However, IMO, even if "most adults are able to see the whole picture in a relationship" doesn't mean they care. Some people simply do not care, wheather they see the whole picture or not. Maybe thats called selfishness. The difficulty I see is that judgement only becomes cloudy when you allow it to proceed beyond simple attraction. True, and that is when some people's impulses take over more so than others. Its one thing to think it, its one thing to feel it, and quite another to say it or do it. But thats just MO. Link to post Share on other sites
Trialbyfire Posted June 6, 2007 Share Posted June 6, 2007 Perhaps that's the sad reality. The question might be "how selfish are you?". Link to post Share on other sites
Author ThumbingMyWay Posted June 6, 2007 Author Share Posted June 6, 2007 selfishness is a huge factor i agree some people just cant say no....to what ever the situ is.... what about entitlement? do some feel entitled to acting on lust? Meaning...you just lost some weight and look at all the attention I get...dam...never had this before....and it feels good....my husband doesnt give me this...but we have been together for 17 years...so I dont want to leave...but i deserve to feel this, since I havent felt it for a long time? I spose that sound selfish too.... Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted June 6, 2007 Share Posted June 6, 2007 Lust and crushes are just meant to be enjoyed in the moment and not go anywhere. Meaning keeping the thoughts to yourself and not telling the OP. It's like masterbation in a way, except you don't (well, I don't!!) masterbate. It's a little selfish thing, but harmless...Hope that makes sense, once again it does in my head but reading it on the screen now I'm not too sure.... Those little flirts, noticing someone notice you, checkin' you out, makes you feel good about yourself. EVERYONE needs those little ego boosts to put a smile on one's face. It's those who fantasize and take it to the next level, spend too much time thinking and wondering, that is dangerous and could lead to other things. Putting yourself in the line of fire openly so to speak. Where I used to work there were SO MANY office affairs! I swear it was like reading a Danielle Steel novel at times! Link to post Share on other sites
Aloros Posted June 6, 2007 Share Posted June 6, 2007 I feel a lot of it is being less impulsive and more analytical. If I start to feel that spark, all I have to do is think about my SO and what it would feel like if he was unfaithful or what it would feel like to lose him. I just don't leave any room for it. It helps that in addition to loving one another, each of us feels a good deal of lust towards the other. Why bother looking elsewhere when I've got it at home, waiting for me? Link to post Share on other sites
alphamale Posted June 6, 2007 Share Posted June 6, 2007 What I am wondering…..why/how does LUST have such power over some people? Its chemical TMW...just like everything else in your brain. How do you control your lust? Short of gouging out all of your sensory organs theres not much you can do. Link to post Share on other sites
VegasGirl_77 Posted June 6, 2007 Share Posted June 6, 2007 Lust is a pain in the ass to control, pure and simple. I have the same situation as your wife - someone at work I am flirting with, boyfriend at home - and I don't know...it just feels good to have the positive attention (esp. when you're not feeling it so much at home anymore). I think alot of it has to do with chemicals and those damn hormones...how can you help yourself from feeling turned on/lustful when you see someone you're attracted to and who might be attracted to you back? It's a great boost to the ego and self esteem. At least, I think I have rationalized it to myself that that is why I lust after my co-worker - because his attention makes me feel good and it makes me feel sexy. I don't think there's anything wrong with fantasy - I would be lying if I said I didn't fantasize about him, but honestly, I think it had added something to my sex life with my boyfriend at home. I find myself fantasizing about the other guy and lately, I have been acting it out on my boyfriend more (although I am NOT thinking about the other guy at the time we're actually acting on it - that would be bad) which is making for more fun at home. So I think lust has its place for sure. It just needs to be not acted on if you're in a relationship, maybe used to your advantage to better the relationship you already have. Link to post Share on other sites
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