jlj Posted June 6, 2007 Share Posted June 6, 2007 I so need some help, I have been seeing this guy for about 5 months, we have taken things so slow, he just come out of a relationship of 13 years about a year ago, and he has dated a little, but wanted to try something new with me, just friends at first, and see where it goes. well we have and its working good. now we both new we was attracted to each other he just didnt want to get hurt {his girlfriend cheated on him} well, he said you know how kissing leads to other and when I do the other you know I really care about you, well we finally did the other{sex} we waited almost 5 months. and mind you im 31 and he is 32, and all of the suddon he is calling everynight, has come up here for the past 2 weekends, but when we talked about it, he says its ok for me to put my gaurd down some, but he is scared to say, lets be serious, its about like he wants me to keep wondering so I will stay intrested, so he is safe to where I wont hurt him, he is scared to death of getting hurt again, how can I get him to get to that place to where he lets go some, he is starting to, but I want to be the one who has him chaseing after me, I need some tricks to get the ball rolling so he will fall. Link to post Share on other sites
LoveLace Posted June 6, 2007 Share Posted June 6, 2007 First of all we can't "make" someone fall for us...if in fact they do, it's under false circumstances if you "made" them, therefore they don't even love you on their own. He told you its ok to put your guard down, but he's too scared to do the same? Not fair. It is also not fair to have sex, and THEN say you are scared to get serious. He should've told you that before. He can only get over his Ex on his own, another person can help him to get her off his mind temporarily, but to truly get over someone takes a lot of time and space to yourself. He's been one with another for 13 years of his life--he needs time to become his own best friend, get to know himself, before he can invest in a new relationship again. Even a year might not be long enough (after a 13 yr. stent) to think about everything, what he learned from the relationship and how to apply or not apply it to future relationships. He probably thinks he should have a girlfriend simply because obviously he's used to always having someone. This is definitely not implying that you are not good enough for him; he liked you enough to give it a try, and at some peak moment he felt sex would be ok. But I think now that he's had sex with you, this is a serious thing, and deep down he probably knows he isn't really ready for serious yet; I'd doubt he feels that he's had enough time to explore himself and dating. It's best to let HIM go and give him the time he deserves to explore...I think its too soon to expect him to think of committing to you. Give him the option of still casually dating, and discuss weather or not you both would be ok with it. Keep contact light and fulfill your life...and if he wants you he will start chasing you. Link to post Share on other sites
Author jlj Posted June 6, 2007 Author Share Posted June 6, 2007 he told me before we had sex that he wanted to go slow, when I asked him about his guard, he said of course its comming down some, and thats when the phone call started comming everyday,and so forth. he is still doing that, but i want to keep it going , i dont know maybe i should just let it go the way it is going, i just wanted to spice it to where he goes ahead and falls, cuz i think he is right there anyway Link to post Share on other sites
LoveLace Posted June 7, 2007 Share Posted June 7, 2007 Well if he's steady calling and/or wanting to spend time with you, I'd say the ball is already rolling; just have patience. Again, you can't make someone's feelings become more than they really are. But keep in mind a year isn't very long, and it sounds like he's still in a vulnerable stage right now. You want to be on the look-out in case someone is only courting you because you are there and letting him, as opposed to being because he has true romantic feelings for you. He might enjoy having you as often he does, but does he enjoy YOU...or is he just needy of something similar to what he once had, a steady companion for 13 yrs. If a relationship continues between you 2, talk to him on a regular basis about how he's doing, how he's feeling, and you'll be able to detect (probably) if he's truly over his EX or not. Do you want him to try and committ to you if he isn't over her? I still think a year isn't long enough for him to put such a long-term relationship behind him and invest in someone new. He should be dating around and not having sex. Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts