Young and in love...with LOTS of problems. Please help!

[lovedinflorida]

Hello all, i am in need of advice..im new here and i have to pur my heart iout because i need some advice.please.

 

its alot but here goes I was on another board and this has all been in a year time this was my first post:

 

I am in love. I am young and have never felt like this before!! But there are some questions that arise in my mind. Me and this man are not together, but we do engage in sexual activities and we hang out from time to time. He spends time with ME at least once a week! Which makes me love him even more. He has told me on numerous occasions that we are not together and he has no intention of being with me. He shares very little about his life and is quite moody! We are always off and on as far as us talking because of his mood swings towards me! It seems as if he only talks to me when he wants too and I am the one that mostly calls him!!! This year I popped up over his house and he let me in his home only to find another female in his home. It looked as if they were so comfortable and he kicked me out and told me to go home! While that other woman sat there. Comes to find out, they have been dating for 6 years! I decided to leave him alone and wrote him a long letter stating that as his friend I loved him and would do anything for him and how could he even have another woman in his presence?! And that I didn’t want the friendship to end. So he took me on my offer and we have been fine ever since. Yes we have had times where his moods causes us not to speak, and then I found out that that girl was living with him for a little bit, she was moving from one apt to the next and until her apt was ready she lived there (that’s when I didn’t hear from him for about 2 weeks!) Not too mention they have finances together!!! BUT finally he told me he loved me, and I love him so much!!!!! People are saying he is telling me what I want to hear but he wouldn’t say that if he didn’t mean it!!! People are saying I should have took the hint when he kicked me out instead of that girl but I don’t think anything of that!! What should I do? Please all advice is welcomed!!

[lovedinflorida]

Then after this a couple of months later I did become his girlfriend and this is what i posted:

 

Its been a while everyone..I wanted to update you guys, please tell me what you think, im still kind of skeptial!

 

So its official, I am his GIRLFRIEND!!! I put my foot downand told him that I was going to leave him alone, if he didnt give me a title and that we were going to do this together. So after two days of thinking about it, he decided to give it a try!!! So I am now officially in a relationship!

 

The other woman that he has been involved with for years: I snooped, I know I was wrong but I read some emails from him and the girl that he WAS involved with...The first emai I read was him telling her "he wanted to play the field and that he didnt want to hurt her bc right now he was going to cheat on her at this stage in his life, and he didnt want to do that to her. They have been having problems for the past couple of months(I think he just said that so he didnt have to deal with her anymore so he could be with me!) Her response was basically do you/she'll do her/take space..so a week later they are emailing each other again talking about the space they are taking, he was saying he loved her, and then they were talking about rebuilding their friendship so things could get stronger with them bc somehow it got lost and he kept saying things like "his heart knows, he kept talking about his feelings...*SIGH!!!*

 

My friend told me im being used a filler for right now until they get theire stuff straight, and that they are really based on something and trying to work things out, and that im the right now girl, not the "marriage girl" I dont think so, I thought men dont get "girlfriends" just because..

 

what do yall think?Help!

[lovedinflorida]

And this is whats going on now! Please help all advice please! I know im young but i am very much in love with my man!

 

I have been snooping and that woman is still around, like how she used too be, but he still be texting and emailing her like everyday. Ive read their emails and its like they are so emotional to each other. We don’t be talking about stuff like that. They talk all serious, and all he says to her how he never meant to hear her, how he wants their friendship to work out, how he needs them to be friends, he invited her over numerous times, told her in one email that he is not going to let her go, and some otha stuff, I could not believe it. And its mostly him begging her and telling her how he wants them to work out and how she is unlike noone else, and how she irreplaceable, and that hes trying to get his life together, why is he telling her all of his business, business that I don’t even know??????? I thought that chick was gone, I mean he is with me! I am his girlfriend! One email though was like he was telling her to go out there and do her bc he is so messed up right now and something about them in long run….he always talking future with her, telling her his problems, stuff he don’t even tell me! Im over his house EVERY NIGHT, I see my man EVERYDAY! He talks to me all the time, so whats with this chick??????! My friend again said, “you are ms. Right now, and to him she is ms. Right” and for me to leave him because all he is trying to do is occupying time with me, but I don’t think that’s the case at all!!! He tells me he loves me everyday and misses me everyday, and we went to church together numerous times!! Help!

 

 

 

Another incident, this woman was at his house when I came over, they were outside talking and it seemed as if they was real serious about whatever they were talking about, he told me to go upstairs bc he was handling his business, so I went, I came out thirty minutes later and they was STILL talking! He left me upstairs for an hour and some change talking to her. When he came back we ate dinner and I left it alone, he always be telling me when I start to ask questions or do something he don’t like for me to get my act together because im getting too complicated to deal with it, and he don’t need that in hislife but that he loves me, and to get my stuff together before he leaves me…my friend always tells me he does not love you, he love that other chick, you his “simple chick” to him, something to do while he trying to get right for ol girl..Help!

 

 

 

This is so confusing to me!

 

 

 

What do yall think about it? Please help me!

[Sobri821]

Umm... How old are you? By the tone of this Ill say at most 17. Look if this is a joke, nice.. If not. Hon please move on. Get away from that guy. Thats all I have to say.

[whichwayisup]

Look, the OW isn't the OW, YOU are. He was seeing her first, hell, he's probably married to her or something and just hasn't told you yet.

 

Anyway, this guy is a user, a cheater and only after sex. You are inlove with a man who treats you like crap, he has NO respect for you, your feelings or you as a woman!

 

DUMP him and find a man who will love you back. You're giving and loving him is a big waste of time! You deserve MORE and BETTER, unfortunately you'll never get that love, friendship, affection, and faith from him.

[lovedinflorida]

I am 22. So why did he make me his girlfriend? Why would a man make someone his girlfriend if he dont love me?

[nicki]

Because he wants to keep you around. (Ouch, I know.)

 

You are making the mistake of thinking he thinks like YOU do.

 

See, YOU wouldn't say that to anyone unless you really loved them and wanted to be with them. He's not you.

 

He's bad news. You deserve much, much better.

[Italiana]

You deserve better than this. Wasn't he with this girl for 6 years?? You are making yourself too available for him. I know you love him but you are so young and should not be in this destructive relationship. you are denying the fact that he could be in love with another woman. he is emailing and confinding in her when he should be confiding in you.

It sounds like you are really stressed out about this. You should be able to talk to him about all his relationships without getting greif from him. espicially his relationships with other women.

Please open your eyes and see this man is no good for you.

I feel like you will only end up getting hurt by him as he seems to have no regard for your feelings.

[Aloros]

I'm sorry. I agree with your friend. You're his Ms. Right Now. If he really, actually loved you, would he be sending his ex emotional emails, kicking you out in favor of her, and spending 30 min alone outside chatting her up while he sent you upstairs? I'm guessing this man is older than you, because he's treating you like a child and not an equal. Telling you that you're getting too "complicated"? If he loved and respected you, he'd want to listen to your questions and concerns because he'd want to do whatever he could to make you happy.

 

He gave you the label of "girlfriend" because you would have left if he didn't. This doesn't express his desire to be in a relationship with you, this is expressing his desire to keep you around.

 

Trust me, if you move on and find a man who REALLY does love you, you will look back on this relationship and say "What was I thinking?" A man who loves you will make you feel loved through his actions as well as his words.

 

I'd drop him, have a good cry with my pals, and then move on to something better.

[lovedinflorida]

He is older than me..

 

"He gave you the label of "girlfriend" because you would have left if he didn't. This doesn't express his desire to be in a relationship with you, this is expressing his desire to keep you around."

 

Why would he want to keep me if im just for right now? thats what doesnt make sense to me? Isnt spending everyday with me more than he is giving that woman?..he doesnt even see her like that

 

Isnt he giving me more than her?

[Krytellan]

Isnt he giving me more than her?

 

No, he's taking what he wants from you and giving the other woman things.

[lovedinflorida]

No, he's taking what he wants from you and giving the other woman things.

 

How is he taking?/ He spends time with me everyday, around my family, he went to church with me, im over there everyday...

 

what is he giving her? they dont even see each other..what is he giving her?

 

he gave me the relationship, he wanted to me to be his girlfriend, so thats giving?

 

Im sorry if this all sounds stupid, but im just trying to understand

[Krytellan]

Im sorry if this all sounds stupid, but im just trying to understand

 

I'm just not so sure you will understand. You're still on the other side of the fence.

[lovedinflorida]

I'm just not so sure you will understand. You're still on the other side of the fence.

 

 

well..I really dont know what to say, I just want to know how is he taking and giving her anything when they dont see each other?

[Bree]

I'm going to put it honestly and to the point. Stop acting like a idiot!!! Ok now that that is done. Look obviously your not as dumb as your acting right now because you came here for advise. Seriously you need to just leave this guy alone. Guys are not all as emotional as us females and some can effortlessly take advantage of nieve females so just please do yourself a favor and lose this loser. Take your friends advise. Sorry if i seemed harsh.

[dbtmarley]

Listen to the others. Do you have too? Nope! You can go on feeling this way for as long as you want, that is your choice.

 

Personally I think you are in denial and really don't want to hear the truth.... You are in love with someone who does not love you the same. You were not even a challenge to him and of course you continue.

 

I know this is hurting you and it will continue to hurt you until you put your foot down and leave this arse...

[lovedinflorida]

Listen to the others. Do you have too? Nope! You can go on feeling this way for as long as you want, that is your choice.

 

Personally I think you are in denial and really don't want to hear the truth.... You are in love with someone who does not love you the same. You were not even a challenge to him and of course you continue.

 

I know this is hurting you and it will continue to hurt you until you put your foot down and leave this arse...

 

Thank you for the advise, but justa question..what does the challenge have to do with ANYTHING? I let him know that i loved him first..what does challenge have to do with anything?

[lovedinflorida]

Update:

 

Hi all, i need some advice again..

 

Him and that girl has gotten closer from what ive read, what does that mean? Is he trying to go back with her? But he told her, that he wants her happy, and that he isnt right in his life, and that he wasnt happy..why would he say he wasnt happy with his life if im in it? Why does he tell this woman that he is not happy with his life and that she is so good, and will make men happy and still talking to her?

 

people say im for right now, but i still see him during the week, i spend the night over there, he tells me he loves me everyday, and that he misses me, and he has our picture in his room, doesnt that mean something?

[lovedinflorida]

Please help!