Author Og fool Posted June 9, 2007 Author Share Posted June 9, 2007 As I sat awake in bed last night missing her a thought went through my mind and I have been dweling on it all morning please tell me what you think. I have been apologizing for the present and past for a week now and the year before and the year before. While I cannot erase things I have NOT done or things she has said to me what about starting over. I mean I was not a selfish, lazy, unappreciative person when I met her, I don't think? I would like to renew my vowes to her if she will take me back. Instead of repeating what the preacher tells me make up my own, and mean them. Make a pact to do all the little things that I had no idea were neccessary to maintain a marriage. Like listen, help, understand, think, DO, cooperate, not burden. I really don't think I can fix the past and don't want to. We still have plans to go to a really nice hotel on her B-day next month. Can someone give me some ideas on how to do this? Link to post Share on other sites
Topper Posted June 9, 2007 Share Posted June 9, 2007 Og Fool You have to stop thinking like that. You may have done something wrong, you may have not been a perfect husband. So What! Nobody is perfect. Stop being your wifes little Bytch. The more you do the less respect she has for you. Forget her Birthday! In fact make your own plans for her irthday. Whats the point of doing something for her? You think taking her to a nice hotel will somehow win her affections back? I would make plans and be out of town. Let her know that your going away becuse you just don't want to be around for that special day. Give her a card or a small gift. Let her know you do care but it is pointless to celebrate as a couple. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Og fool Posted June 9, 2007 Author Share Posted June 9, 2007 You are right I am Sorry, I am trying not to but it's hard... Link to post Share on other sites
Gunny376 Posted June 9, 2007 Share Posted June 9, 2007 Seventeen years ago ~ I was you. Today, I'm sitting here enjoying my morning cup of WTFU. I'm not stressed about anything, (Except about Paris going back to jail :lmao: ) I'm not in a relationship ~ primarly because I'm busy working on other things ~ but in part I now look at women and think? What's in it for me, and there's got to be something besides just sex for me to make an investment of time, effort, and money. Life's too short. You want out of this misery? Your the one that holds the keys to your freedom. I'd go with jMargel'd approach, "You want out? I'm the man that's going to make your dreams come true!" Link to post Share on other sites
PWSX3 Posted June 9, 2007 Share Posted June 9, 2007 A wise man (can't call him old:p) told me something that has stuck with me & will stick with me for a long time. Every morning I wake up "I" tell myself I don't want to be that old person I used to be & I refuse to be that person ever again. That is a choice that I can make each & every day, nobody can tell me different. They might try & do things to change my mind but it is my choice. You can't do anything about the past it is over, but you can learn from it. Just like everyone else has told you, it might be to late but then the fat lady hasn't song just yet. Keep working on yourself, do things that your W would appreciate even if it is something small but don't expect anything in return. I remember back in the day I would help vacuum & then expect the world from the W when I just did one little chore because I helped out. Big deal to her, but I thought it was something worth fixing anything that was wrong. What I didn't know is you have to help everyday, give a helping hand each & every day. You have to do a complete 180 so it gets her attention but if you get her attention she won't let you know so don't expect anything in return, do it for you. Link to post Share on other sites
Woggle Posted June 9, 2007 Share Posted June 9, 2007 Stop apologizing to her and stop thinking this marriage can be saved. If you continue being a doormat she will continue to lose respect for you and respect is the biggest factor in a woman's attraction to a man. Just treat her like a roomate and start doing your own thing. Why are you beating yourself up over something that is happening to millions of men? Better now than after you guys had kids. Link to post Share on other sites
sumdude Posted June 10, 2007 Share Posted June 10, 2007 Maybe I hit her one to many times, but to just hear I don't like being married. To be clear ... you have physically hit your wife? Look, there is never a reason to hit your spouse or anyone really unless in pure self defense ... I know if I had ever hit my ex it would have been over pretty much then and there ... You have a lot to work out with yourself if you've been physically abusive. Time to let her go and grow. Maybe later you'll be more able to be in a relationship where fear doesn't rule you. I know that if i was giving a woman advice on the other side and her man had hit her a few times I'd tell her to get out now. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Og fool Posted June 11, 2007 Author Share Posted June 11, 2007 To be clear ... you have physically hit your wife? Look, there is never a reason to hit your spouse or anyone really unless in pure self defense ... I know if I had ever hit my ex it would have been over pretty much then and there ... You have a lot to work out with yourself if you've been physically abusive. Time to let her go and grow. Maybe later you'll be more able to be in a relationship where fear doesn't rule you. I know that if i was giving a woman advice on the other side and her man had hit her a few times I'd tell her to get out now. ..Mean to say If I'd hit her too many times... Link to post Share on other sites
jmargel Posted June 11, 2007 Share Posted June 11, 2007 Og.. you are not reading my posts and actually doing the opposite of everything I have been trying to tell you. I don't mean to sound egostatistical but if you follow my advice you will get further in your situation. There is no guarantee that you will get back together with my advice but it does work alot better than what you are doing. You can't make up for the things you did to her by begging, pleading or telling her how much you love her. Words to her are meaningless now, since it's been so long since there was any substance behind it. However it's not just you at fault, she had faults in the marriage as well. It all started with bad communication and getting too comfortable with each other. Anyway I urge you to re-read my posts and take advantage of the advice I give even though it's going against the grain of what your instincts are telling you. Trust me, it works. Link to post Share on other sites
Gunny376 Posted June 11, 2007 Share Posted June 11, 2007 Og.. you are not reading my posts and actually doing the opposite of everything I have been trying to tell you. I don't mean to sound egostatistical but if you follow my advice you will get further in your situation. There is no guarantee that you will get back together with my advice but it does work alot better than what you are doing. You can't make up for the things you did to her by begging, pleading or telling her how much you love her. Words to her are meaningless now, since it's been so long since there was any substance behind it. However it's not just you at fault, she had faults in the marriage as well. It all started with bad communication and getting too comfortable with each other. Anyway I urge you to re-read my posts and take advantage of the advice I give even though it's going against the grain of what your instincts are telling you. Trust me, it works. Ditto, can't add more than what he's already said~ Take a fool's advice! (My being the fool! Learning the hard way ~ my way!) Link to post Share on other sites
a4a Posted June 11, 2007 Share Posted June 11, 2007 ..Mean to say If I'd hit her too many times... Interesting to think that beating your wife would be a legit reason for her not to be happy in a marriage. I am not beaten either. Men need to understand that not beating a woman, or doing other terrible things is not a reason that a woman will stay in a M. What happened before you were married that made her want you? Because you simply did not beat her was probably not the reason she married you......... Regardless - OG if she wants a divorce, respect that. She is clearly telling you that is what she wants...... why not believe it then? Perhaps there is no repairing any of the damage done. Time to move on then. No need to get nasty or act like an ogre about it. Being a dick to her will only make her more angry and you will waste your energy pretending to be something you are not. Spouses don't have to hate each other to separate. I doubt she is happy with the idea of divorce, but it is the next logical step if things have not improved over a period of time. Perhaps you will learn something from this to be sure your next relationship is a better one. Link to post Share on other sites
dbtmarley Posted June 11, 2007 Share Posted June 11, 2007 . I would say take this time to work on yourself, relax, feel better. Remember there is lot's of fish in the sea, don't blame her, some people are not marriage material and she might just be that or worst of all she might be a lesbian, you never know. She might be a lesbian!?!? LOL..... I have thought like this before. Why is it guys think when a woman falls out of love that it is because she is lesbian? Dude, if I was you I would part my ways and take that boat out for a very needed fishing trip. Nothing like a great fishing trip to get your mind off the ex.... Damn if I had a boat I would prolly never have gotten remarried... What ever you do bro.... Do not sell the BOAT!!!! Link to post Share on other sites
Bobster999 Posted June 11, 2007 Share Posted June 11, 2007 I tell everyone I know "DO NOT GET MARRIED". It brings nothing but unhappiness and regret. I wish someone had told me before I made the mistake. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Og fool Posted June 11, 2007 Author Share Posted June 11, 2007 All right following the right advice and taking it day by day. Yesterday was perfect, took the top off the car went out with friends for a day at the beach on to a bar to chill out. Lots of touching, communication, kisses, thoughtfullness on both parts. We come home and both work on cooking dinner, make a little love get down tonight then she drops another bomb..."should we start looking at the divorce paperwork on line tomorrow?" I am like how did we get here again, so I say whenever you would like honey. End it there, turn over and spend 2 hours trying to get that **** off my mind and fall asleep. You women are sneaky and even the best day in the world won't erase your deep rooted feelings towards us will it? Link to post Share on other sites
a4a Posted June 11, 2007 Share Posted June 11, 2007 No not sneaky. But what would be the purpose of her being nasty to you? My guess is she still does care for you, just feels that there will not be any changes in the way you treat each other. I can only say that I slip from time to time and am very nice to my H too even though I feel resentful as hell the majority of the time (without hiding it). No sense in being hateful.... as for the divorce perhaps to her it really is not that big of a deal? Is she supposed to slap you around, call you names? Not sure how you want her to react. Like I said she probably doesn't hate you.... just realizes you are not what she needs. I bet she would like to see you happy with someone else. Link to post Share on other sites
Woggle Posted June 11, 2007 Share Posted June 11, 2007 Women are great at smiling in your face and acting all nice even though deep down they hate your guts. She is carrying a load of resentment for god knows what reason and nothing you can do will change that. The only thing that actually might change this is filing for divorce yourself. Once you accept that it is over and take the driver's seat yourself women somtimes change their tune. When they know they no longer have your heart things change. Link to post Share on other sites
sumdude Posted June 12, 2007 Share Posted June 12, 2007 Women are great at smiling in your face and acting all nice even though deep down they hate your guts. She is carrying a load of resentment for god knows what reason and nothing you can do will change that. That always amazes me about women ... then when it all hits the fan as a surprise to you they'll say "What's your problem? I gave you all the signals?" My STBX was ESPECIALLY nice to me the last few days before she moved out without warning. Link to post Share on other sites
Woggle Posted June 12, 2007 Share Posted June 12, 2007 That always amazes me about women ... then when it all hits the fan as a surprise to you they'll say "What's your problem? I gave you all the signals?" My STBX was ESPECIALLY nice to me the last few days before she moved out without warning. I think they really do think that all men have psychic powers that we just choose not to use because we are insensitive. Not all women are like this though so I don't know why men waste their time on the women that are. It's like going out to eat expecting for them to just know what you want and then getting mad when they bring out the wrong thing. Link to post Share on other sites
jmargel Posted June 12, 2007 Share Posted June 12, 2007 All right following the right advice and taking it day by day. Yesterday was perfect, took the top off the car went out with friends for a day at the beach on to a bar to chill out. Lots of touching, communication, kisses, thoughtfullness on both parts. We come home and both work on cooking dinner, make a little love get down tonight then she drops another bomb..."should we start looking at the divorce paperwork on line tomorrow?" I am like how did we get here again, so I say whenever you would like honey. End it there, turn over and spend 2 hours trying to get that **** off my mind and fall asleep. You women are sneaky and even the best day in the world won't erase your deep rooted feelings towards us will it? She continues to pull the strings and you still continue to dance like a puppet. If I was in your shoes and she would have said that, then I would have said 'If you truly want the divorce start looking now and I would like for you to get all your stuff together tonight and leave.' Call her bluff, I think she is using this to see how much she can torture you. She knows you won't confront her about this. Link to post Share on other sites
Topper Posted June 12, 2007 Share Posted June 12, 2007 I would ask her to makea list of everything she wants to keep. Gets some quoats from a moving company and tell her your going to let her pick from the 3 best quoats. Make sure she knows she is the one that will be moving out not you. Link to post Share on other sites
a4a Posted June 12, 2007 Share Posted June 12, 2007 I would ask her to makea list of everything she wants to keep. Gets some quoats from a moving company and tell her your going to let her pick from the 3 best quoats. Make sure she knows she is the one that will be moving out not you. My guess is her moving out will not be a big deal to her. However if she has put money into the home I am sure she will want and is owed part of that. With a depressed housing market it may be a good idea to hold onto the property until things swing back. There are obviously financial problems in the M as well. ********************************************* Gotta ask why does one partner have to be bitter and there so many posts about how to "stab back" if a partner says they are no longer happy in a M and want a divorce? What is the use of putting the energy into being so hateful? ******************************************** Why call her bluff? Could be this is not a bluff..... so no sense playing games. Link to post Share on other sites
Woggle Posted June 12, 2007 Share Posted June 12, 2007 I don't think he should try to get rev enge but when a woman starts blaming a man for all her problems and unhappiness in life she can be downright evil in the divorce. She has all this resentment which means she wants him to suffer and he needs to protect himself in divorce court. He also needs to file first because that puts him on better footing. Link to post Share on other sites
a4a Posted June 12, 2007 Share Posted June 12, 2007 I don't think he should try to get rev enge but when a woman starts blaming a man for all her problems and unhappiness in life she can be downright evil in the divorce. She has all this resentment which means she wants him to suffer and he needs to protect himself in divorce court. He also needs to file first because that puts him on better footing. There is no sense in being nasty.... divide the assets and move on. And Woggle I am very resentful at this point. I will not take the house, I have no desire to "steal" from my own H. So no just because a partner does not treat you the way you ask does not mean they are going to be evil in a divorce situation. Quite simple : You do not give me what I asked for, so I am leaving you. Here is your half, here is mine. Not all women that walk away from a unhappy marriage are out to get the men. OG needs to discuss and confront this divorce with her in a manner which does not have to be bitter or nasty..... throw the first punch and you should expect one back. Regardless if it is the woman or man who throws that first punch. There are no kids involved here..... no terrible doings really.... Just two people that don't get along. Link to post Share on other sites
Woggle Posted June 12, 2007 Share Posted June 12, 2007 I am not saying that he should throw the first punch but he should get some armor and a helmet. When a woman is angry and resentful towards a man there is no reasoning with her. You think it's okay to throw food at your husband so I can picture you getting nasty in divorce court. Link to post Share on other sites
a4a Posted June 12, 2007 Share Posted June 12, 2007 I am not saying that he should throw the first punch but he should get some armor and a helmet. When a woman is angry and resentful towards a man there is no reasoning with her. You think it's okay to throw food at your husband so I can picture you getting nasty in divorce court. I never said it was ok.... but I don't feel bad about it. And no I would not be nasty in divorce court.... unless he cheated. Then the gloves come off. He also thinks it is ok to hide 40 grand of debt from me....... I think a little soft cheese to the head doesn't compare to that. Woggle you have no clue how nice I really am. But there comes a point where if you keep pushing someone (for over a year) they will snap. Even the nicest dog will bite if you keep kicking it. I put up with quite a bit of crap from him, including lie after lie. I will, I am going to, I want to..... blah blah blah. ....... if you talked to my H right now he would tell you that I should have thrown the whole plate at him and stuck a fork in his head. And I did ask him to leave me alone and allow me to just cool down. He did not. Not every man is a victim - many create their own failing destiny. Some might even eventually realize they got the reaction they deserved. Link to post Share on other sites
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