Jessica Posted January 31, 2003 Share Posted January 31, 2003 I enjoy going out to clubs and bars, and mostly go with my best friend. I am doing well in the looks department but she is absolutely gorgeous and seems to have a 'lure' about her, a sexual attraction that guys cannot resist. I am often approached by someone only to be asked about the availability of my friend. And I cannot tell you the number of times I have been left standing at the bar by myself while she makes out with someone. She is a good friend and certainly would not do anything to hurt me but I feel like the Invisable Woman around her and it hurts when guys bypass me to get to her. I love her and we do have fun together but short of wearing a mini skirt next time we go out what can I do about this situation? I hate coming home depressed and feeling like the ugly duckling. Link to post Share on other sites
Tony T Posted January 31, 2003 Share Posted January 31, 2003 Do other things with your good friend but find someone else to go to the bars with. For Pete's sake, you already know what it's going to be like. Why would you expect the next time to be any different. I go out of my way not to be hurt. Try doing that yourself. I also don't think this lady is your best friend. If she was, she would be asking these guys who approach her about a guy for you. She wouldn't just clip onto a guy and leave you "standing by the bar while she makes out with someone". That's rude as hell. You ought to be looking for ways of preserving the friendship in this particular case and not concentrating on finding guys. By the way, if your friend is so darn sexy and luring, why is it that she is still going out looking for more guys? Does she enjoy getting all the attention and leaving you in the dust? If she hasn't found a decent guy to date, maybe she's doing something wrong herself. Link to post Share on other sites
ThisGirlNameKD Posted February 3, 2003 Share Posted February 3, 2003 Well, ask yourself some honest questions? How would you feel if a hottie approached you and he turned out to be a jerk? Really, how many of those guys that approach your friend does she acutally end up with you, and stay with for a period of time? Sometimes we women want a man's attention so much that we don't stop to think if he's worthy of out attention. Just because he looks good doesn't mean he's all good, okay? So is it that you want male attention, or do you want a relationship? If you want a relationship, men love women who are confident. So when you're out, sit up straight, look straight like you're the bomb, like Sharon Stone did the guys when they were interrogating her in Basic Instinct, and if you go dancing, don't be afraid to get out on the dance floor and dance by your darn self, and enjoy it. I guarantee you that someone would come over to you because men like that. It shows that you're not all wrapped up in a man. And the next time a guy asks you about your friend, don't say a thing. Tell him if he wants to know to ask her for himself. Link to post Share on other sites
Dragonflys Posted February 3, 2003 Share Posted February 3, 2003 So what you are doing is focussing on the one comparison that gives you insecurity, and that does not make you look confident at all. I have been in the exact same situation as you describe, but this guy was a male version of your friend. Although his quality was not so much superior looks, but more that he was funnier than I to women. But he couldn't hold one for longer than two dates. I had the same malaise as you when I first started going out with him, and he got much more attention. However, I began to realise that I indeed have other qualities [empathy, good listener, attentive] that exceeded his short attention span so I just went after a different type of woman. Pretty soon it became a matter of 'so who had the best night tonight?'. The important thing for you is to focus on your strengths and be confident within them. Men will go for that over looks any day. To me there is little difference between a good looking an gorgeous woman. Once she opens her mouth and talks to me the distinction greys fast. Most of us are not that superficial. Surely the fact she keeps making out with new guys shows she cannot keep or loses interest in them. There are tons of men who go for something much more stable and your probably have the tools to attract such men in more abundance than her. Play your hand not hers!!! Oliver Link to post Share on other sites
Girl Posted February 3, 2003 Share Posted February 3, 2003 Are you hearing what you tell yourself? You're the "ugly one".... stop it!, don't put yourself down by comparing yourself to someone else. You are unique. The attention she is getting is PURELY for what's on the outside. Decide right here and now if that's what YOU value. I hope it isn't. Change your thinking... next time these guys are lining up for her, smile to yourself knowing it's all about something very shallow and meaningless. I'm a good looking girl and I loathe it when it's obvious a guy is only wanting to talk to me because of my looks or is making a big deal about them, it's a turn off.... what's on the inside leaves the outside for dead!!. Link to post Share on other sites
Tony T Posted February 3, 2003 Share Posted February 3, 2003 The only person who pays attention to me for what's on the inside is my proctologist. Link to post Share on other sites
Sketchy Posted February 3, 2003 Share Posted February 3, 2003 I have many beautiful girlfrieds... They spend hours getting dressed up... and well, I'm not gross looking, but I'm a tom boy. No makeup, don't do my hair, wear jeans and a T-shirt. That's the way I am comfortable... put in a mini shirt, makeup, and girly shoes... I'm totally uncomfortable and NO ONE approaches me. Don't try to be like your friend... be you, and be comfortable! Once you're comfortable, you're approachable. If dressing up soooo much is not comfy... don't do it! Be comfortable in you're own skin and style.... you'll get guys. Do you know how many times my friends say... why do YOU get the guys??? You can tell that these girls try tooo hard, and they are "dressing up" for attention... I'm myself and can careless if I get attention... but I always do. I'm not trying to toot my own horn, and don't get me wrong... I don't go out looking like a slob or bum. I'm clean and tidy... but I'm me. I have this other friend that is absolutly beautiful... she is comfortable in almost ANYTHING... I've tried dressing up with her so we don't clash going into clubs and bars...but I always feel like a looser... and that's what I put out for others to see. I've stopped "trying" when her and i go out... and we both get approached. She does not care that I'm not all done up and I don't care that she is... we have fun. Everyone else' advice was perfect... be proud of you and cary yourself that way and that's what others will see. Link to post Share on other sites
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