nearing 30 day "nc"

[honeybees28]

alright. this NC is a load of crap. sure ive spend this time working on myself. ive gotten over a phobia that was causing anxitey and panic attacks on a daily basis, and the inevitable depression at times. ive gotten back to the source of my life (god) and to be honest.... i dont feel any different towards my ex( the dumper ) than i did when it first happened.

i started NC to give him space.to clear his head. etc etc.

 

i still love him with all of my BEING and want to share life with him.

and all of this 'NC' time has even made that true even more to me.

so i guess my question is this:

 

if ive used this time properly. but yet STILL desire him and only him.

should i lightly approach him again? he moved 3 hours away for a job that he really excels in, and i am very happy for him. so the phone is sort of all we have right now...

 

should i call him and see if he wants to get together? (like hangout)

should i just say hi? i feel sort of awkward and dont really know how to approach him in a way that is "okay"...

 

we were each others first loves. and each others first real 'breakup'...

we were together for 3 years. we ended it at the end of feb and the 30 day NC mark will be on june 13th.

 

ADVICE PLEASE.

[NorCalDave]

alright. this NC is a load of crap. sure ive spend this time working on myself. ive gotten over a phobia that was causing anxitey and panic attacks on a daily basis, and the inevitable depression at times. ive gotten back to the source of my life (god) and to be honest.... i dont feel any different towards my ex( the dumper ) than i did when it first happened.

i started NC to give him space.to clear his head. etc etc.

 

i still love him with all of my BEING and want to share life with him.

and all of this 'NC' time has even made that true even more to me.

so i guess my question is this:

 

if ive used this time properly. but yet STILL desire him and only him.

should i lightly approach him again? he moved 3 hours away for a job that he really excels in, and i am very happy for him. so the phone is sort of all we have right now...

 

should i call him and see if he wants to get together? (like hangout)

should i just say hi? i feel sort of awkward and dont really know how to approach him in a way that is "okay"...

 

we were each others first loves. and each others first real 'breakup'...

we were together for 3 years. we ended it at the end of feb and the 30 day NC mark will be on june 13th.

 

ADVICE PLEASE.

 

Sometimes people don't really get out of our system for a long time. NC is a remedy to make you feel better and clear your head. It is not guaranteed to work.

Some people do NC for different reasons. Some do it to manipulate their ex's to miss them. This is what I have been doing.

Other people do NC because they really want to move on and NC is the best way to get someone out of your system.

But, if you still love someone and pine to be with them, there's really nothing you can do to get them out of your system.

Time heals all. It's true.

The best advice I can give you is realize that YOU ARE SPECIAL.

Tell yourself this when you look in the mirror. Keep your self-esteem up.

Breakups cause people to lose self-esteem because we don't feel worthy of being loved. But what breakups really are is a chance for us to have a relationship with ourselves again, and to regain the confidence and self-esteem that attracted our partners to us in the first place.

Come to this board, write your ass off, and pick yourself up and get out of the house and do some things for yourself.

Pray everyday, at least twice.

Over time you will realize that you are the **** and your ex is missing out.

You will be in contact with your ex again, in time, when God decides it's right.

Just trust in God that NOW is NOT that time.

You'll be fine.

((((( )))))) Here's a hug for you.

[Outofluck]

Brilliantly put NorCalDave. NC does work for some relationships but not all. If you broke up because he moved away (3 hours isn't that far) then perhaps more than 30 days will be necessary. Its been my experience that once you regain your self-worth and sort of forget about them, they come calling..dunno why..maybe karma. My ex and I broke up over a year ago and I was fine with it at the time..once I realized that I truly loved her and wanted to spend the rest of my life with her..it was too late as someone else had scooped her up. Give it time, he will realize his mistake and the tables will be turned. Good luck to you and we are praying for you..

[meleeda]

I recently had my partner break up with me, we really had no problems and our sex life was great. He says he is a loner and wanted to be alone to look after his self, we live in a small town and I know their is no other women so its hard tu figure out why he wants to be alone and this loner thing he is talking about. He worked so hard to get me and now he wants to break up....... three years we have built a life together and now he wants to be alone!! I don't get it. hearing what others think would be go great here.

[NorCalDave]

I recently had my partner break up with me, we really had no problems and our sex life was great. He says he is a loner and wanted to be alone to look after his self, we live in a small town and I know their is no other women so its hard tu figure out why he wants to be alone and this loner thing he is talking about. He worked so hard to get me and now he wants to break up....... three years we have built a life together and now he wants to be alone!! I don't get it. hearing what others think would be go great here.

 

 

No matter how hard it is for YOU, you have to NO CONTACT his ass.

I believe in this case where it seems your partner is confused it's best to let them figure it out on their own.

Give him all the space in the world.

I am going through the same thing with my ex. She only 5 weeks ago thought she was going back to HER ex. I told her she won't be happy with him and we stopped talking for almost 5 weeks. I saw her around and we ignored each other.

I KNOW for a fact she won't be happy with him, but if she wants to find that out the hard way by herself, then she can go ahead.

In time she will realize what a mistake she made.

But....she decided against it and there are no plans to get back with him, according to her. And she is now incredibly flirty with me, and seemingly interested.

Why?

Because I have been NO CONTACTING her ass.

If I was calling and pressuring, she would push ME away, not him.

The one who takes care of themselves and is patient ALWAYS wins.

[Forever isnt so long]

i kno what your goin though because im going through that whole NC this and its about 30 day on the june 13th and i just think that its making things worse because she has moved on and is dating some other kid. the break up was less than a month ago. since then ive surrounded myself with friends and i cant keep my mind off of her. what drove her away was jealousy and i didnt like the sport that she did but now that ive had the time to work on myself i kno i have changed for the better. i am also working on my other relationships, such as with my family, my good friends, even making some new ones, but most importantly i am working on my relationship with God. i mean if time healed all wounds then there wouldnt be a purpose for God. In the bible it says...

Jesus answered and said to him, "Truly, truly, I say to you, unless one is born again he cannot see the kingdom of God."

 

Nicodemus said to Him, "How can a man be born when he is old? He cannot enter a second time into his mother's womb and be born, can he?"

Jesus answered, "Truly, truly, I say to you, unless one is born of water and the Spirit he cannot enter into the kingdom of God.

"That which is born of the flesh is flesh, and that which is born of the Spirit is spirit.

"Do not be amazed that I said to you, 'You must be born again.' "The wind blows where it wishes and you hear the sound of it, but do not know where it comes from and where it is going; so is everyone who is born of the Spirit."

Ive always laughed at those who were born again but now i understand that all it is, is opening up ur heart and spirit to god and letting him in and do his thing. im sure things will work out. i sent my ex a card and she got it today and i guess she cried when she read it which idk if thats good or bad but i guess it made her think. but maybe send him a card and ask him how work is just keep it superficial...good luck and keep praying ill keep you in my prayers...

God Bless

[Jack'a]

First of all, do you know the reason behind the break up? Sometimes people break up over silly reason. Sometimes they break up because one out of the two has simply "fallen" out of love. I've actually just started NC with my ex, she broke up with me about a month ago, because she just doesn't love me at all anymore. She also told me that she will never love me again, she knows because she had tried in the past and then she went into denial, so I'm guessing that she had been telling herself that she loves me for a few months. If that is the case, then personally, I don't think there is a point to be with your ex again. I know you had probably given him your all, and still feel kind of empty. Because I guess at some stages during a relationship, one tend to lose themselves, and start to put the other person first. If that had happened, I don't think a month or two worth of time can mend things for you. From my personal and quite recent experience, I gave my ex my all, I tried my best to keep her happy, on top of trying to get my double E degree... Though I have university to keep myself occupied, I still feel very empty at times, I still lone for her, and I still want to be with her, and all the things I had said to her about how I felt still stand true and strong.

 

However, I keep reminding myself of what she had told me in person to help myself stay away. Things like " I'll miss your cooking, hanging out with your friends, I won't miss you", " I'm itching to get rid of you", " I might miss you in 4~5 weeks time, but it won't be much, perhaps something like, ' oh.. I was here with Jack, oh well...' ".

 

So I guess, it REALLY REALLY depends on the reason why you two parted in the first place. But NC is always hard, one person probably don't want to let go just like that...

 

Use this NC time productively... One thing that is helping me out is actually planning my day when I get up. Nothing strict like a timetable, just things I hope to get done by the end of the day, and actually I allow myself some time during the day to think about my ex, have time to miss her, have time to feel sad.. What I found that initially I may feel very sad during the early hours, but then it becomes less and less, and at the end of the day I don't really feel all that bad, if I do, I can usually get out of it pretty quickly. I guess for me, the best way to deal with the loss of someone you love is to look at the pain, feel the hurt, don't block it all out completely, let it slowly run through you and out of you.

 

Of course, during it all, love yourself, hehe if you are crazy enough like me, start dating yourself! Grab a cup of coffee and go somewhere beautiful, and really try to feel that this is YOUR life.

 

In the end, if the break up was over something silly, I really hope that you can work things out! Best of luck!