he's back again...

[Bella_xx]

those who have read my other posts and know the story - he's back. Got a call from him on monday, full of general chit chat, seeing how I was, uni, work etc, and then at the end he got awkward and asked if i would like to go see a movie or something with him. I said I was busy with exams and work so I would have to see. He said to let him know when I was free and we could organise something (i'm yet to tell him, and exams don't finish till next week, so it will still be a while away!) and also that if i wanted to call or message him any time to go ahead.

 

I know I should have left the call, but I just find I can't be so blatantly rude (despite him doing so with me). I was careful not to bring up the relationship/feelings etc, although it was obvious at one point that once conversation had run out, that he wanted to. I left it right alone.

 

I guess I'm curious as to what he's doing back. I don't know whether to read it as a 'trying to get back together' move, or a simple friendship gesture.. I'm leaning towards the first as he told me a few weeks ago that we couldn't be friends. But then, who knows, this has been all over the place!! Does anyone have any insight/opinions/guidance on it? Should I even see him (keeping in mind that at some point, if he's changed, then I would consider getting back together)? What does everyone think?

 

Thanks, Bella.

[Star Gazer]

Adopt my motto: "Once you're done with me, I'm done with you."

 

He ended it, and didn't even want to be friends with you. Why are you even considering allowing him to change his mind?

[passionpeach]

I understand that what you are going through right now is not easy. As a matter of fact, it is even more difficult now that you tend to be confused on how you should feel. I suggest that you just take it slow. Don't jump into conclusions -- whether they be good or bad. See it as a good thing that he wants to be friends now though going out with him doesn't necessarily mean that he wants to plunge into a relationship with you again. This is your best way to judge him, his actions and his true intentions. It won't be easy. You have to be cautious. Just take everything as they are. Don't over analyze and don't make conclusions. Also, don't dwell on your hurts. Read: "nothing can hurt you if you don't let it."

 

If you do not end up together again at least you know that you can still be friends. It will be a win-win situation for both of you then.

[Bella_xx]

Thanks for the replies guys.

 

Stargazer - my problem is I can see both sides of this and it confuses me! On the one hand, I can see he's a total jerk, not worthy of my time etc, but at the same time - he was m y best friend, and the relationship (though obviously having its down points) was for the most part - very loving and happy until we started fighting a month or two before the break up. I guess I'm just trying to suss out some kind of friendship with him. I do miss him, even when I'm having a 'good day' and feel like I've moved on from it.

 

passionpeach - thanks for ur reply! I have been careful not to push anything. When he calls, I let him lead, and I don't bring up the relationship at all. I figure that when and if he's comfortable, that will come. If it happens that we do wind up together down the track, I will make it very clear that he really did hurt me, and that I lost trust in him over all of this, but that is all to come later, if at all.

 

It may not even be an issue now anyway! I spoke to him friday night, we talked about seeing each other tonight and he said he'd call either saturday or sunday to organise it properly. No call came, and after I found out I had a family thing on tonight, I let him know via sms last night that I couldn't do anything, was sorry, and if he wanted to hang out then let me know when he's free. No reply!

 

Feels like massive head games to me lol. I'm not getting in touch again, I was doing fine with my NC till he came back, and I'm not going to let it keep getting to me. I'm just sick of alternating between good days where I feel like I'm totally over it, and days where I just miss him so, so much. I'm still very much in love with him. In saying that, he initiated, therefore he can make it clear that he really does want to see me and isn't just playing around.. If I don't hear from him I guess I have my answer!

[Bella_xx]

I'm feeling... a massive sense of despair at the moment. For some reason, for the past few hours I just feel like I've been set back weeks. I guess I was holding onto some kind of hope/idea that the reason 'he' made contact was for friendship, and ultimately reconciliation (on MY terms though....).

 

I still can't really see any other reason for him to contact me after the way things ended up, and him telling me we couldn't be friends. Granted he was probably drunk when he sent it though. For the most part, conversation has been chatty... and although it has got 'tense' at times I haven't pushed, and figured that would come when we meet up. I don't know that we WILL meet up now.

 

I just have this overwhelming sense at the moment that we can fix it.. that everything would still be ok if we worked on it, that I love him more than anything, that in time, I could forgive (not forget) the hurt he caused and we could move on together. on the one hand i know he's been a jerk, and on the other.. I would do anything to have him back in my life. Its taking all of my energy not to contact him at the moment and ruin any chances of at least frienship (hence the rambling post now - sorry guys).

 

Perhaps I'm just overreacting, and there is an explanation for his silence. After all, But I doubt it. I just wish I knew what he wanted, and whether this was simply an ego trip or if he was genuinely seeing if getting back together/friendship was possible. He doesn't seem the type for head games, and the vibe i've got talking to him doesn't suggest it.. but who knows.

 

Argh, sorry about the rambling guys, but like I said I really needed to vent about it. I'm still in NC mode.. I'm just super confused and down about it... I thought I was much further ahead than I guess I am. A weaker moment I guess

[ahah2322]

hey babe, i'm so sorry you are going through this right now. in my opinion, i think you should refrain from seeing him/ making any contact with him right now. if he calls, it may be best if you not pick it up. if he really really wants you back, then he will go all out to do so... until then carpe diem.

 

know its hard... so please do not allow the hurt to intensify by making contact in hope that he will want to reconcile even if its on your terms. do be well and take lotsa care of yourself. if he loves you, he will naturally find his way back.

 

hope this helps.