Plz, make this clear for my curiosity

[tooemotional]

Hi Everyone!

 

I dated this guy in Maj 2002 for a moneth. We did like each other but honest I was not that "in love" w/ him as he was for me. I was not ready to get in a serious relationship - I went from him.

 

He kept trying to get back w/ me (in october 2002 he in fact asked me to be his life-partner- I said that I could not. And then he asked me to just be his lover then- and of course I said no). I just couldn't because by that time I couldn't get over my ex boyfriend yet and I didn't want to hurt him more than what I had done to him.

 

But....yesterday I got an e-mail from him (I don't wait to show his e-mails but I just want you guys to have everything in a clear perspective & details so you guys can make it clear for me as much as possible) where he wrote:

 

I was watching the gift that you gave me last summer, that i always have in my car where you put it, and I thought that i have to write to you.

Well, since the last time we saw each other a lot of things have changed. Next week I will leave usa for a couple of weeks...and I will get married. I have to tell you....I think that marriage is the best thing that can happen in life...and I want to enjoy my marriage day by day, second after second, for the rest of my life. Maybe you wonder why I am writing to you....well, you said that if i find a girlfriend or a wife we can be friends....so I think that now we can be friends. I would really like that because, even if for a very short time, you were a very important part of my life.

 

Well, I thing I don't have much to say anymore.....I would love to hear from you, and, why not, take a drink together and talk as friends do.

 

See you...., take care

 

My replying.......

 

then his:

 

....thanks for the congratulations. I won't go to my country, but to Brazil...she is from there, and we will have a classic religious cerimony there...in church. I already know that there will be parents and relatives crying everywhere....but that's part of the cerimony.

 

I would like to keep in touch with you...you know, not just 'hey, how are you?', but like real friends do...like we use in Italy....

 

What about you? News in your life? You told me that you were changing your job last time.

 

A big hug,.....

 

P.S.: I was already lucky to have you in my life....even if for just 1 month

 

my replying....

 

then his:

 

I am very very glad to hear that you change your job. To be honest with you I didn't like your previous job...you looked very sad about that...and it didn't leave you enough time for your private life. Every time I thought about that, even after we broke up, i felt bad. I am very glad for you.

 

About your right one....i am sure that you will find him, even if few people in this world deserve you. And I wish you to get married very soon, because I truly believe that in this world there is nothing better than get married and live every day with the partner that we love. As you exactly know my plan, months ago, was to make you my partner for the life.....because I really believe that you are a special woman.....so I really wish you to find somebody as special as you are, somebody who can respect you and love you.

 

moreover I wish that the problems that you had months ago and that made you so sad and worried are gone, and that you can finally live that quite and fun life that every young girl deserve.

 

For any help that you need, or even if you want just to talk or have a relaxing evening, just call me or email me, ok? I will always be there for you

 

Truly yours, ......

 

And my replying to that was: thanked him.

 

So what do you think guys?????

 

What is going on here.....is he lying or his is telling the truth....for me is 50% & 50%.

 

Plz let me know...thank you!

[Kat]

I don't get your question. He is getting married and wants to be friends. Why are you reading more into it?

[mighty bop]

I think he is just making you think he is getting married so you will want him back.

[tooemotional]

my question is:

 

is he just trying to have an excuse to make me to reply his e-mail or he is telling the true......first I believe him and wish him good luck & all good to his new life life but I really don't know that I should believe him or not!

[Kat]

Originally posted by tooemotional

my question is:

 

is he just trying to have an excuse to make me to reply his e-mail or he is telling the true......first I believe him and wish him good luck & all good to his new life life but I really don't know that I should believe him or not!

 

I don't think it really matters. Remember you broke up for a reason. Leave him in whatever world he is in right now and live your life

[yes]

if you're such a close friend, are you invited to the wedding? perhaps not the one in brazil, but i'm sure they're gonna have something in north america as well, right?

 

i think if you want, you can be friends with him, but only after you've met his wife.

 

also, it sounds to me like he's not entirely happy with his new marriage, b/c he keeps saying how good it is (you know - why is he repeating it over n over?)

 

I think i'd stay away - i.e. reply to his emails, but take a long time to do so; and insist on meeting his wife sometime soon.

 

just some thoughts,

-yes

[Tony T]

I wouldn't even bother exchanging email with him. What would be the point in doing so?

[tooemotional]

well, he is a nice guy and I feel and a little bit guilty about the past.

 

When I first read his e-mail, I was just happy for him and don't want to be rude so and I also truly wish him the best...so I replied his e-mail.

[snowandwind]

It may not be that important whether he's lying or not. Neither case is good for you.

 

It seems to me that you still have some feelings over him although you didn't want a long-term relationship. At first hand, it might seem great to be friends with him. But think what you would do if you were him.

 

It doesn't make any good sense that he tried to convince you to keep in touch as friends when he is about to get married so soon!!! Now it is the high time that he should focus on his own wife-to-be.

 

What if you were his fiancee? Would you really be happy if you knew that your hubby-to-be begged his ex-girl friend to be friends just before you were going to get married to him?

 

Emailing him doesn't seem to help anything good to him, I guess. If you truly wish him the best (and wish yourself the best), you'd better stop contacting him but move on your own good life.

 

I don't think it is rude if you do not email back to him. I'm wondering you might have felt so because you were just enjoying getting attentions from him.

 

Little doubt that you would meet a really nice guy who will love and care you most.

[snowandwind]

It seems to me that you still have some feelings over him although you didn't want a long-term relationship. At first hand, it might seem great to be friends with him. But think what you would do if you were him.

 

It doesn't make any good sense that he tried to convince you to keep in touch as friends when he is about to get married so soon!!! Now it is the high time that he should focus on his own wife-to-be.

 

What if you were his fiancee? Would you really be happy if you knew that your hubby-to-be begged his ex-girl friend to be friends just before you were going to get married to him?

 

Emailing him doesn't seem to help anything good to him, I guess. If you truly wish him the best (and wish yourself the best), you'd better stop contacting him but move on your own good life.

 

I don't think it is rude if you do not email back to him. I'm wondering you might have felt so because you were just enjoying getting attentions from him.

 

Little doubt that you would meet a really nice guy who will love and care you most.

[tooemotional]

Now plz, make this clear for me...-will appreciate it lot, love you guys a lot and you guys' points of views is really cool and do really make since....plz help me again:

 

As you can get the beginning of the story above and three weeks after he emailed me back then we continue exchanging e-mails to each other again:

 

Him:

Hi....,few weeks ago I came back from Brazil.... I had the wedding on th 7th, and it was very nice. Also the honeymoon was nice: in a small cute island in the middle of the Atlantic Ocean. The problem was when we tried to get the visa for my wife... the consulate didn't want to give her the visa, so now I am forced to live here alone for a while... and this makes me very very sad.

 

At least I have the good memories about those days in Brazil.

 

What about you? News in the past month?

 

I hope to receive soon your news,

 

hug,....

 

Me: "But will you treat me as your friend (how will your wife except it?) or ...if I may be straight forward to ask....do you still have in mind of getting a lovers-relationship w/ me -I need to know it before I can allow myself and dare to be friends. I don't want to get hurt as well don't want to hurt anybody."

 

Him:

Now I am a married man, and I love my wife more than anything else in this world and more that my own life. I would never cheat on her, not even with words or toughts. As you know I am italian, and for me loyalty is the most important thing in a relationship. So, even if in the past I loved you more that you can imagine and I still have strong feelings for you, I would never think about a lover relationship with you. But as I told you before, I really don't want to lose your friendship, so I strongly hope that, even if not with a lover relationship, you will accept to be my friend, not only for chatting, for a long long time.

 

Me: "You are the sweetest man I ever met and I'm glad that I got to know you

 

I'm also glad that we still can talk w/ each other and I'll be more than happy to be your friend for the rest of my life - if I can be lucky to have some truly good friends or at least one good friend.

 

My dear friend, you have given me a believe in: "Good men still exist here in CA" . I have grown alot since we parted. I have been through alot of things which is so hard for to say it out. The only thing I can tell you is, that I'll neither forget the time we spend together and I wouldn't spend time w/ you if I didn't have feelings for you (again, I did have my reasons for my actings in the past)....and I'm so happy now that you still want to be my friend, thank you!

 

Him:

 

thanks for your words. I am very glad too to be your friend.... today here in this place is so difficult to find good sweet persons to be friend with. And have a person like you to talk and share feelings with is a rare treasure that I don't want to lose and I am honored to have.

 

i would really love to meet you and talk with you again, after almost one year. Actually, as you cen imagine, those days are very hard for me: I am here, far from my wife, and I don't even know if I will meet her soon or not. So talking with you would me for me not only a huge pleasure, but would also help me to feel better. So, if during one of the next evenings you don't have plans and you feel that you would like to talk with me, I would love to have a drink together after work.

 

Me: "I don't think that its a good idea to meet alone, since that I haven't met your wife yet. You are a married man and go out w/ a female friend while your wife is not around is not good.

 

If you feel lonely, then go out w/ your guy friends so in that way will help you to pass those days by missing your wife.

 

I'd be here to share things w/ you but I most honestly say that I will not meet alone w/ you, since I believe that I can not help you to feel better by go out or meet you. I want to be your friend and will gladly be there for you but since that I'm single and you are married man and we meet up alone is not good (neither fair for your wife) - especially when we had dated in the past.

 

I can be nice and I mostly think kind & positive of other people but I'm not a 3 years-old kid. So please do not try to fool me! As I said before and I will say it again: I only want people in my life when they are honest & sincered -especially as my friends!

 

Stop w/ those drama and be honest me......trust me, its much easier!

 

In case if you truly just want to go out as friends then I will apologize for my misunderstanding; then I will suggest that we can hang out together w/ your wife when she comes back, ok!?

 

However, let me know howmatter the answer is 'cause I think that its on time for us two to clear up things between us."

 

Him:

when yesterday i received your email, the last one, I was very happy because I believed that I had a very good friend by my side, a friend who could trust me. So it's very painful for me to receive today your email.... to see that after all you don't trust me at all, and think that all this is just to take you in bed. If you think this, that means that you don't know me at all... as I told you yesterday I would NEVER cheat on my wife, not even with the most beautiful and exciting woman of the world. If I asked you to me was first of all to talk not just by email, but also in person, as good friends do.... and mostly I wanted to meet you to apologize for the bad words that I told you in the past... words that I would like I never said, and that make me feel bad every time I think about that.

 

But maybe you are right .... if you don't trust me and don't feel comfortable meeting me, is better that we don't meet at all, and we just send sometimes an email saying 'hi, how are you....'

 

Have a nice day...

 

Me: "As I said, if I misunderstand you then I will apologize for that but you most understand what I meant. I think that its better you hang out w/ your guy friends when you feel lonely & sad when you miss your wife and you can talk w/ your guy friends. With a female friend as I'm, will not be good.....I will feel sorry for you and maybe hug & care for you which is in somehow will be that you will be cheating on your wife, since that I'm your ex-date and I have never met your wife before to have to know that we all are just friends."

 

NOW WHAT DO YOU GUYS THINK, SHOULD I HANG OUT W/ HIM AS FRIENDS BUT I FEEL BAD WHEN I THOUGHT OF HIS WIFE...WHAT SHE MIGHT THINK ABOUT THIS.....PLZ LET ME KNOW ......SORRY FOR MAKE THAT LONG!

[Tony T]

I don't see anything productive for you in a realtionship like this. The guy sounds very needy and pathetic. If you're looking for friends, find those who can add to your life and not detract from it. If you're looking for romance, this is not a person you would want to start something with.

 

P.S. I admire your brevity.

[Leikela]

[color=indigo]

He obviously still cares for you in more then a friendship way. To be honest with you, it doesn't even sound like you have a strong friendship so I am not really understanding all of this "good friends" stuff. While he claims he would never cheat on his wife, he is putting himself dangerously close to doing so. He complimented you on being sweet and loving you more then you could even comphrehend and he will be able to see you without thinking about wanting to do more? He is only human.

 

I think he is in denile himself about his feelings for you. His intentions may be pure, but in the back of his mind he probably still thinks about you in a more romantic way. Someone who is happily married, would NOT pursue a friendship with an ex-girlfriend who he obviously has not gotten over yet. I wouldn't hang out with him. You need more time between the two of you in order for you to truly be friends.

 

Also, I realize that you are from a different country. Italy, right? Do Italians really get married so quickly? Is that normal? I don't see how you can love someone fully in a few short months. Marriage is a sacred bond between two people that occurs after you have taken the time to be together and realize that that person is for you. It's kinda baffling how quickly he rushed into this marriage. This could truly be a cultural difference though. To each his/her own.

[/color]

[tooemotional]

You guys are right........I know what I should do now, thank you so much for your advices!

 

Take care!