hopefulsoul Posted June 8, 2007 Share Posted June 8, 2007 hi, im going through a very confusing and scary time... im tryin to understand whether i should be practical about the man i marry or should i keep waiting for mr tall-dark-handsome ?? im in no hurry as such, but i have recieved a proposal from someone i wasnt particularly attracted to at first sight. its only after meeting him a no of times that i have begun to think 'maybe'. the thing is all my previous relationships ended disasterously and i had a very painful time forgetting the past with each one of them. so now im very skeptical about my own choices in men. and everyone around me is urging me to start thinking about settling down with someone soon as they say after the age of 26-27 u become so set in your ways that its difficult to adjust to another person. this man is very successful and will go far in life, but im attracted to him to a degree, if that makes any sense. not a 100%. there was this other guy(mr x) in my life previously with whom i felt physical, mental and emotional compatibility, but he is only 25 and yet immature. plus he said he wasnt very serious about me, so we went our seperate ways. is physical,mental and emotional attraction more important or financial security ?? should i wait for mr x to grow up or go with this guy who proposed or forget both and wait for someone with whom im compatible in all ways and who is successful ? people say you have to compromise because u never really get a 100% in one man.. should i compromise ? Link to post Share on other sites
caramba Posted June 8, 2007 Share Posted June 8, 2007 Dear Hopefulsoul, Don't get married until you meet the person you want to spend the rest of your life with. Simple as that. Don't wait around for Mr "tall dark and handsome" either. Go on dates. Figure out what you really look for in someone and put yourself out there. But dont accept a proposal if you are not in love. It sounded like you dont really know this man who proposed very well. Take your time. Date him and get to know him, but dont accept a proposal. We are never too old to find the one and it's never too late to get married. Take your time to fall in love! Link to post Share on other sites
Walk Posted June 9, 2007 Share Posted June 9, 2007 Marriage isn't about financial security. You talk as though marriage is either an all or nothing proposal. I think it'd really help you if you wrote down all the things that are important to you in a significant other. The rest can be comprimised on, but those things can't. If having someone who makes a decent income is important then fine... but you can also find someone who sparks that desire in you who also has a great job. Jot down what comes to mind without sensoring yourself, and then go back afterward and mark off the top ten items. Those will be the ones you shouldn't comprimise on. Ie: sense of humor, deep belief in family values, financial security, attractive, etc.... So, what's important to you? Is family important? Is a great sex life important? Do you want kids in your future? How about bill paying, living arrangements, family time, time spent with friends, goals for the future, etc.? Also, there is a grain of truth about "older" people getting set in their ways, but as an "older" person... I think it's actually a better experience of attempting to blend lives then when I was younger. I think I have a better understanding of who I am, and what I want, far more than I ever did at 26 - 28 years old. And I'm willing to do what's necessary to attain those things. Sometimes that takes comprimise, sometimes it takes making a stand. But I have a better grasp of when to do those things and not comprimise my core values and needs then I ever did as a 20 something year old. I urge you to wait until you find the person who more closely matches what you really want in a lifelong partner. You owe it to yourself to find someone who you desire and feel proud of. Link to post Share on other sites
ritamae Posted June 13, 2007 Share Posted June 13, 2007 Don't marry someone you can spend the rest of your life with. Marry someone you can not imagine your life without. Link to post Share on other sites
norajane Posted June 13, 2007 Share Posted June 13, 2007 i have recieved a proposal from someone i wasnt particularly attracted to at first sight. its only after meeting him a no of times that i have begun to think 'maybe'. He proposed marriage to you after you've only met a few times? There's something bizarre going on if he's proposing that quickly. And why are you even considering marrying someone you barely know? Link to post Share on other sites
Author hopefulsoul Posted June 16, 2007 Author Share Posted June 16, 2007 thank you for clearing my confusion... that is the shortest and most true statement ive ever heard. it makes complete sense.. ill always remember it Link to post Share on other sites
Author hopefulsoul Posted June 16, 2007 Author Share Posted June 16, 2007 well at first i refused , but later i thought that maybe there was no harm in getting to know him.. even after i few dates i wasnt convinced..there are a few things i dont like about him... thats why i am having doubts. Link to post Share on other sites
Author hopefulsoul Posted June 16, 2007 Author Share Posted June 16, 2007 He proposed marriage to you after you've only met a few times? There's something bizarre going on if he's proposing that quickly. And why are you even considering marrying someone you barely know? well at first i refused , but later i thought that maybe there was no harm in getting to know him.. even after i few dates i wasnt convinced..there are a few things i dont like about him... thats why i am having doubts. Link to post Share on other sites
love4ever Posted June 16, 2007 Share Posted June 16, 2007 Don't marry someone you can spend the rest of your life with. Marry someone you can not imagine your life without. That sounds totally perfect. Link to post Share on other sites
norajane Posted June 16, 2007 Share Posted June 16, 2007 well at first i refused , but later i thought that maybe there was no harm in getting to know him.. even after i few dates i wasnt convinced..there are a few things i dont like about him... thats why i am having doubts. I still don't get it. WHY did he propose before you even knew each other?? Link to post Share on other sites
huh Posted June 17, 2007 Share Posted June 17, 2007 It is unfair to both of you to marry someone if you're not sure you want to be with him. You deserve someone you can love fully. He deserves someone who will love him fully. As a never been married woman of 41, I can say there are worse things than being single (e.g. a bad marriage). Link to post Share on other sites
Author hopefulsoul Posted June 19, 2007 Author Share Posted June 19, 2007 I still don't get it. WHY did he propose before you even knew each other?? well becasue he was attracted to me the first time we met n after meeting me 6 times he decided he liked me ! smart intelligent pretty. these were his main criterias. while i wanted to get to know him just to figure out whether we were compatible. Link to post Share on other sites
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