Improving Self but stuck at a standstill

[Megakurth]

I posted my original story in the breakup forums titled "Dumped 2 Weeks Before Finals". Well, its been over a month now. I made the decision to come home for the summer, although it wasn't the home I originally came from. I moved about an hour away from where I used to because my family split up and things took a somewhat turn for the worst for them, so I am now living with my grandparents. Now, being a 20 year old and them being in their 80's, its very hard sometimes. They live in a Condominium, I have two upstairs rooms to myself and my own bathroom, its great, but at the same time, sometimes I think they forget what its like to be young. Im working alot of hours at my summer job, but I figure I could spend some money too, theyre sort of against me spending much. My friends all live an hour away, but I drive in usually at least 3 times a week to see them. Ive been trying to improve myself as much as I can this summer since im still taking this breakup very hard. So far ive been making sure I do some sort of exercise daily, stopped drinking soda and snacking for the most part, and ive lost some weight so far which was one of my goals and im hoping to continue more, although it hasn't shown really yet. I also went to see a dermatologist to take care of some slight acne problems, ive been seeing a counselor to help me deal with my family and problems of my own, but I still feel like im at a standstill. I love my friends and everything, the main problem is, most of them are either in relationships or not really looking for anything, so in turn we usually end up doing the same thing nightly when I hang with them (end up at someones house, then end up at Applebees for half price appetizers, then usually sit in a car and everyone complains about some sort of problem of theirs). I guess after getting dumped, I don't know whether its a combination of misery or just wanting to get out there and be a little crazy, but ive been getting bored, ive felt adventurous. Another problem is, I feel like if I don't get out there and talk to any girls really, then when I get back to school, I might not have a good time (since the ex will be there, living on my floor, having to see her alot..) and I feel like its gonna make me miserable. They keep telling me theyve been there before (its not really true, some of them were in past relationships, but they were the kind of high school relationships that never really lasted more than a month). They also tell me I shouldn't be setting a timeframe to get over her. I try not to, but I need to at least be able to cope a little bit better come August. This summer is going quick, and I feel like I haven't been able to accomplish much. My main thing I want to accomplish is to get out there and be able to talk to girls again. My problem is, I have never been that good with girls, then I was in a year and a half relationship, things were fine, then after I got dumped, its like I don't know where to start. Im not good at starting conversation, im not good at going up to random people, and im not good at socializing much. Thats why I always liked having the friends there with me and stuff to be my "wingmen". Im not looking for hookups or anything like that, just socializing, hoping to improve myself, hoping to let myself know I have it in me. I mean, being an hour away from my friends, I know I need to do things on my own as well. Anyone got any advice? I guess starting conversation is my first big fault.. sorry for the long post and that some things may not seem in context

[Requiem]

your gona have to forget the past and look for the future, what ever has happend in the past is ment to be that way. Your in a depressed state at the moment and thats why you dont feel right with anyone. Your sad and lonely but yet dont wana fix it by finding someone. If there is no chance with the ex then you need to move on. Your family issues are simply because they are from a whole differnt time and things are differnt now. You have to live for the now and future, not the past.

[Megakurth]

ive been trying to live for the future lately, I just don't know how I can improve my social skills really.. I know theres no quick fix but

[oppath]

You are being too hard on yourself. It sucks, I've been there. You aren't in the best social situation because all of your friends live away, and they aren't in the "mode" you are in right now.

 

First, you have a great goal, not necessarily to date, but to become more socialable and meet new people. That is a great goal to have and certainly you can achieve. It sounds, however, like you want the quick fix. There is not a quick fix. You must be patient, persistent, and have compassion for yourself. Your friends aren't doing it for you...have you thought about joining a summer softball team near where you actually live, or taking a summer class at a community college for fun? Those are two ways to meet more people and become more social and practice your skills. Going out to the bar to chat up women is not the only way to gather social skills. The only benefit of that is you can approach many women in a couple hours.

 

It's better, however, to approach one or two women a day every day during the week. Make your life awesome, you own it. If your friends aren't doing it for you, find something else to do, even if that something is out of your typical element.

 

Also, it is ok to be on your own. Are you comfortable sitting alone in a coffee shop on a friday night reading a book and NOT feeling like a loser? I'm at one right now, because I CHOSE to be here and relax tonight.

 

It is normal to feel depressed following a breakup. Time does heal wounds, but it is what you do with that time that heals wounds. Do some awesome things.