thromback Posted June 10, 2007 Share Posted June 10, 2007 I’m up. Nobody cares. I have no friends. My family cares about money and reality shows. My sister is weird and is obsessed with band. I have a deaf Chinese brother who doesn’t understand how scummy this world is. I have a brother who is never going to be anything. Why do I have no friends? I choose not to drink. Why do I choose not to drink? It’s very scummy. I suffer from depression. Let’s rewind back six years ago. I’m in middle school, I have a 4.0. I get all the ladies and I’m genially always happy. I had a girlfriend by the name of Trisha. She broke up with me and it literally made me go crazy. I pretended I was somebody else, and threatened to kill myself in 3rd person. I did it to see if she would even tell me, and to see if she cared. She did. What a scummy move for me to do. I have a restraining order on her, threatening to kill myself was like opening Pandora’s Box because it gave me hope. With that hope it brought insecurity, jealousy, anger, and hatred. Was it worth it? Not at all. I have regretted that decision many times like an Indian giver. What a good simile, I’m so artistic. Let’s fast forward to 10th grade. I score a girlfriend and her name goes by Michelle. I told her everything I told you. She breaks up with me because we didn’t hangout. The irony of that was her parents wouldn’t let her hangout with me. It actually got even better. My very close friend, Mike Moore, not the descriptive film maker, steals my girlfriend and my body fills with jealous, anger, and hatred. I thought that allowing this to happen and not care would drive Michelle back to me. It only drove us far more away. I am over that smut. Next, comes Lauren. She was my best friend’s cousin. That was awkward enough. Lauren went to my elementary school where I was a kingpin. Not so much anymore. By her liking me, it brought back memories which filled my body with confidence. Fast forward to senior prom. I go with the girl by the name of Jill. Jill, is pretty scummy, has scummy friend, and does marijuana and alcohol to treat her own depression. I envy her. Not because she does drugs, I don’t want anything to do with that, but because she treats her depression effectively. She is always doing something. I didn’t like this girl, I just used her as a test. To see if I could just kiss her at the night of prom. “Baby girl what’s ya name I’m T. Pane lemme buy you a drank…” I’m dancing the night away. Solo. I often was approached by my peers asking “Where’s your prom date?” That was my same thought, I could have gone alone. I basically did. After prom, we went to Long Beach and rented an extremely sketchy hotel. Right when she had a few shots of champagne, I start flirting with her, she acts back positively. I’m a coward because I was using something I hate, alcohol, to get to something I want. I actually tried the same thing when she was sober, but she acted negatively towards it. I was hoping by hooking up with Lauren she would like me because she has done that with other people she has dated, where as she didn’t like them but when she got drunk, she did. I did not hook up with this girl. Why does this matter? I failed. She went to New Jersey without inviting me, and it makes me sad. I always think people don’t like me and it appears like it is true. I have friends, and I hangout with them often, I just think girls just don’t like me. I’m paranoid about them finding out what I did 6 years ago, because I think they will think I’m crazy, and I am. Something’s wrong. I’m too lazy to keep writing. What can I do to attract girls, I just don’t know what I am doing wrong! Help me please. Link to post Share on other sites
polywog Posted June 10, 2007 Share Posted June 10, 2007 Well, I don't think you're doing anything wrong. I think you are probably clinically depressed, and I think you need to find help to get out of it. Therapy, probably. I have suffered from depression, and that's the route I took to get out. I think others here will have more ideas. Hang in there. Link to post Share on other sites
Green Posted June 10, 2007 Share Posted June 10, 2007 just go pick some girls up in Rockville Centre or something Link to post Share on other sites
Author thromback Posted June 10, 2007 Author Share Posted June 10, 2007 Thought it was becuase I don't drink, and take advanatge of drunk girls. Can't explain my situation, but I don't get a lot of girls for some reason. Link to post Share on other sites
Outofluck Posted June 10, 2007 Share Posted June 10, 2007 I have been through a similar situation and to this day I still have relatively few friends. I can tell you that when a relationship ends, it seems like you lose your best friend an nobody will love/ care about you anymore. Based on your post, I really think that you should see a professional therapist. I did that years ago and it worked wonders for me. Once you change yourself and your attitude, you will find that people (male and female) will be drawn to your personal magnetism and self-confidence. The key here is to change your attitude. Your thoughts will attract your experiences in life and if you tell yourself "I have no friends," "nobody likes me," "women don't find me attractive," well then, these will certainly become your reality. Good luck to you. Link to post Share on other sites
Author thromback Posted June 10, 2007 Author Share Posted June 10, 2007 I probably hould, but I don't have the money for it and I'm embarassed to tell anybody. Link to post Share on other sites
Quinch Posted June 10, 2007 Share Posted June 10, 2007 I'm no therapist but perhaps I can offer one piece of advice: write down everything bad that happened to you and throw it on the fire. Put it in the past where it belongs. It happened to another person in another time. It's time to start thinking about your future and what you're going to do with it. Link to post Share on other sites
underpants Posted June 10, 2007 Share Posted June 10, 2007 Ahhh, the angst of youth. Middle school drama happens to the best of us. High school is a bad experience for most people. You are young and trying to figure out who you are. Dealing with emotions and deep questions for the first time can make you feel crazy. It is just part of the process of...growing up. Growing pains if you will, just emotional ones. Hey, are you planning on going to college? I think if you are you just might find several activities and groups of like minded people that you can click with, and yes, girls to share common interests with. At the same time preparing yourself for a good career and lifestyle that you want to have. I want to commend you for not turning to alcohol or drugs, that is and escapist activity that for some people thinks makes them cool, or mature at a young age, but really it just makes them a spectacle. Alot of them usually burn out and don't do much with their lives. The real winners (in the long run) make goals and plans and work on how to achieve them. They might suffer a little socially in youth but have their choice of all the ladies later. Take care, Underpants Link to post Share on other sites
Author thromback Posted June 10, 2007 Author Share Posted June 10, 2007 I mean I'm set for the future. I am going away to college in about a month and a half. I had a kickboxing match, but the guy backed out. I stopped training in Muay Thai, to pursue surfing and longboard skateboarding. I have an internship next summer with Merryl Lynch. I'm not sad about my future. I'm sad about just my situation now. I know it will get better, but I just sometimes think I'm doing something wrong. I'm glad you guys are all being supportive though. Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted June 15, 2007 Share Posted June 15, 2007 Focus on the positives in your life, this way you'll gain the self confidence and feel good about yourself. I know you're lonely, but just know when the timing is right you WILL meet someone. You aren't doing anything wrong! Link to post Share on other sites
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