How to get my ex back? I've made every mistake in the book....

[ttmike]

OK, I've decided I really want my ex back. We always told each other we were meant to be, and had such a wonderful time when we were together, I want to do what I need to do to get back to that, no matter how much strength or time is required.

 

It started out on cinco de mayo. She had to study for a midterm and wanted me to spend the weekend with her. I live 80 miles away, and had terrible allergies and didn't enjoy the thought of sitting on a couch all weekend, sneezing, so I went kayaking instead. Well, that weekend she went out with her friends and met another fellow.

 

The whole next week she was horrible to me. Insulting, belittling, pointing out all the things I do that she doesn't like. She was on a round of antibiotics at the time, so perhaps this spurred on her nasty mood, but I suspect she really liked this new guy and needed an excuse to dump me, or have me dump her.

 

So later that week, I find a picture of her kissing one of her friends. This picture was taken when we had an earlier fight and were broken up, and she claims this fellow just suprised her with the camera and was a joker about it, and I do believe that story. Although when I confronted her, she basically broke down and told me we were over, and she was ending it. She didn't want to live with my distrust of her or her going out with friends. She said she didn't want to work so hard at this relationship anymore.

 

I made it clear I trusted her and believed her. Even so, she would not see me the following weekend, and was quiet about her plans, other than she was just 'going out with friends'. She said she would call several times that weekend but never did. I was heartbroken.

 

So at this point, I start to think something is up, and get kind of needy. She wouldn't see me any following weekends, but on one wednesday (when he was not available to hang out with her, I think) she let me come down and we slept together. We both agreed there was an electricity in our kisses that we both had never experienced before. I left thinking things might be on the mend.

 

She continued to spend her weekends with this new fellow. All the while I got more and more frustrated and called/emailed more often. I did do sweet things like send cards and flowers, but to no avail.

 

Then she finally told me she was in a relationship with this new guy. I was devastated and scared, so I bought a dozen roses, and met her at her summer school class. She was initially receptive and friendly, but kept making it clear to me there was someone else and I needed to leave her alone. In my typical reactionary male fashion, I threatened her new bf. At that point, I told her that she didn't love me anymore, even though she probably still thought she did. I could see it in her face, and she was hurt very badly. She rushed away and drove off, as did I. A few hours passed and I called to try and apologize and let her know I really wouldn't do anything to hurt her new bf. She kept ignoring the call, and I must have called 30 times that night trying to at least smooth things over and apologize.

 

A few days later, her cell phone number had changed. She hasn't replied to any emails in a week now. It seems as if she has had enough of me.

 

The only reason I even wonder if there is a chance is because she told me things like 'now wasn't our time to be together' and 'I will always love you' and 'we will find each other again. In 6 months I will call you again' but I often wonder if this was just meant to soften the blow? Deep down, I know she loves me but she doesn't want to hurt this new guy and she doesn't trust me enough anymore to be with me.

 

Is there any hope? I still have some of her things, and at the last day of her summer school class (when her spirits will be high anyway) which is 3 weeks out, I plan to show up and return the rest of her things with a positive, non jealous outlook and lots of smiles and friendly behavior.

 

I have tried everything to get her out of my mind. Even if I do so during the day time, every morning so far I have woken up at 3:30 AM with her on my mind. If I do manage to get back to sleep, I just dream about her, or about getting in a fight with her new bf.

 

Dating new girls isn't a problem for me, but I really felt as if I had met my match. So what should my strategy be? Return her things, be friendly and hope for the best someday? or just hold on to this stuff until she calls me or emails me. No contact? be her friend?

 

thanks for reading. thanks even more for responding

[madgun68]

You've said it yourself.. You've been making a lot of mistakes.

 

The best thing you can do is let her be. No contact what so ever. That includes returning her things. If she wants them back, wait for her to get in touch with you.

 

The only thing you can do at this point is let her go. Who knows.. perhaps at some point in the future your paths will cross again, but all your actions have been doing so far is pushing her farther away from you.

[stace79]

I think Madgun is right....When my ex came back to me, it was because I'd finally started thinking "Well I guess this really is over." I went on a date with someone else, I stopped calling him or trying to see him. I just started acting like I would with any other guy I know who I'm not interested in....aloof but friendly. I wouldn't initiate any contact with this girl at all. If her things are important to her, she'll ask for them back. Even if she does, don't ask her about her new relationship, don't try to persuade her or anything. I think your behavior may have damaged this irreparably, but still, if there's any hope, you have to assume that for now it's over anyway.

[vivrantflo]

What's up? I've been in your situation before, and it was due to me screwing up HUGE, but if you want to maximize your chances of getting her back, you have to leave her alone.. as much as it sucks..

 

Don't listen to those silly lines she gives you like.."I will always love you" or "we'll find each other again" and all this crap. If you had a woman that you wanted to be with, and care about.. would u let her go to date someone else, and tell her that you'll meet again in six months?? No, cause you want her.. She wants to let u down easy, cause deep down she knows she's hurting you by moving on

 

Unfortunately now, she doesn't want you, and I know it hurts like hell.. I wouldnt advise dating right now, cause your heart is still with her.. You need to take time for yourself, and work on other hobbies.. hang out with your boys.. forget about her.. and dont threaten the other guy... TRUST ME man, I had another dude scoop my ex two weeks after our break up, and I was gonna tire iron this guy to no end.. but why? he doesnt know anything.. he saw a single girl, and talked to her.. he only knows as much as she told him.. PLUS.. if it wasnt this dude.. it would be someone else other than you... SHES allowing these guys near her.. it's on her..

 

Let her be.. and work on you.. I apologize if I come across harsh.. but I just got played for a fool today by my ex, and I refuse to sit back, and not try to help another guy make the same mistakes I did.. Good luck bro

[Outofluck]

Going through a similar situation, I have to advise against any contact whatsoever. Please don't use returning her things as an excuse to see her as you will likely wind up in the same place. Just let her be. The more you "push" yourself on her, the farther away you will push her and may ruin any chances whatsoever. You have to change yourself first, then perhpaps, one day she will meet the new you.

 

My ex is with a new guy and I've pretty much given up hope of being with her again. Sometimes you have to put yourself in their position, if you met someone who you really liked, you probably wouldn't want to hurt them by going back to your ex. I agree with you as well, the new guy didn't do anything wrong..saw a single girl and went for it. It was the same thing that I did with my ex when we first met and her bf before that was trying to get her back. He'd probably be happy to know that we are not together any more and I am in his same spot now but we did last almost four years.

 

Good luck..

[CaliGuy]

Give her the gift -- of missing you. For a long time.