No contact with someone you work with?

[Cioriel]

Hey there, I'm new to the forum and just had a question about no contact..

 

About a month ago, my boyfriend broke up with me after 2 years 2 months of being in a relationship. We were very serious and the breakup came out of nowhere to me, and to him too. He said the thought had just struck him that he wasn't happy with his life and he felt like he needed to make a lot of changes. Since then he has said that he think we're a part of his unhappiness, and that while he can't say for sure it is us that is partly making him unhappy, he also can't say it isn't us. So he is taking the time right now to make some big changes, including us not being together. He has said he still wants to be friends and we have been working on it the past month. Things have gotten better (meaning less awkward) but I still love him and really don't believe that we should have broken up (there's a lot more to tell but I don't want to bore you). I don't really know what he's thinking about everything so I don't know where he is as far as us being friends - when we broke up he said he still loves me but that he is working on turning those feelings into friend feelings..

 

The biggest catch in all of this is that we work together - we both do transcription work so we don't talk during the day, but we do sometimes email (with both of us initiating - not just me). I know I can't hang on to the idea that we will get back together (he told me that he thinks there's more of a chance that we won't get back together than that we will but that he would give us a fair shot in the future). So we have been working on friendship the last month and it's going really well (we have lunch together and email at work, but we haven't hung out outside of work or really texted/emailed unless there's some real reason we need to) but I am still in love w/ him and am starting to get the thought that maybe because things are so good as friends we might be able to get back together at some point. While I love him and really think we are good together, i know I can't be holding out and waiting on him to change his mind b/c I know that might not ever happen.

 

I guess I am wondering what you think I should do. I want to have a good chance of getting back together in case he ever does change his mind but I also can't wait around for that day- I've had some advice to do no contact which I am trying this week just to see how it works - it makes it really weird b/c we work together so we have the contact of seeing each other everyday even if we don't email or go to lunch together. If I do initiate "no contact" or "low contact", I feel like I'd need to tell him what is going on just b/c we do see each other everyday and I don't want to be rude or hurt him by just dropping him. This would be different if we did not see each other on a daily basis, you know? I also don't know if it would just be best to go on being friends and see how that goes.

Thoughts and suggestions would be incredibly appreciated! Thank you

[Cioriel]

I have a quick update -

 

yesterday I did the no contact thing as much as possible - he emailed in the morning at work and I had to respond as he sits right behind me (working together messes everything up). We normally walk home together but I left yesterday without saying anything, although he followed me down the stairs. I was going to just leave and meet my friend rather than walk home with him but he said "hi" and I told him that I was walking home w/ my friend. I started going in the opposite direction of the way we normally go (the way he was gong to be walking) and from behind me I hear "how was your weekend?" We may very short small talk and he could tell something was up. He held out his hand like a small high five thing that we do and I lightly gave him a high five but he didn't quite do the same movement - he more brushed his hand along mine - it was kind of weird. Then he moved forward and hugged me.

 

I don't know what to think - I know it probably means nothing but I am really confused. I want to do no contact but he keeps initiating contact w/ emails and then talking to me after work. part of me wants to think that he may want to get back together but I really don't think that is it. And I don't know what to do about the no contact thing - I want to get over him but I also think we are great together and that we really could work - maybe not now but possibly down the road. I don't to jeopardize that chance, but if that won't happen, I do want to be friends. He's my best friend and a great person.

 

Please give me any opinions - everyday is really hard and confusing b/c I see him - and tomorrow we have to do this thing for work where we'll spend the whole day together. I'm worried about what to do.

[rayblueline]

I am pretty much in the same situation with an ex in that we work together. It is very hard to do, for all the reasons you noted. My advice to you is to tell him that you still love him and that you want to be with him, but that it's okay if he doesn't want to be with you, you accept that, etc... but that you have to look out for yourself and if he doesn't want to be with you too, then it is too difficult for you to have a lot of contact because it just makes it hard to let go of him and move on with your life.