how to i get her to leave?

[rumours83]

my other half has had this "friend" for a long time - he did sleep with her in the past, and that would be cool if he didn't realise that she wanted to get invovled again with him now.

 

Basically when i first met this girl she brought all her friends along and showed up in the bar where i worked (i don't any more) and turned her nose up at it, and went elsewhere. instead of waiting for me to finish up, my partner went along with them, so i called to find out where they were. He wasn't sure, so i spoke to her to get directions. the place wasn't even far from where i worked and she is local to the area - she gave me directions to the complete opposite direction, i think just to take the mick out of me? i didn't want to be a girlfriend that told him what to do, so i agreed that he could go out with her again on his own - i didn't like her so didn't want to go. when they were out apparently she talked about sex all the time - which makes me feel she wants to be more than his friend? after talking to him i basically said i didn't want him to see her - i do trust him, but not her. that was about 18 months ago. we are due to get married soon and she phoned up recently saying how much she missed him etc. he has told me he doesn't like spending time with her and that she drains him. he feels obliged to look out for her and i don't think he should - he should look out for me. i asked him not to see her any more, but he doesn't want a confrontation he just wants to ignore her until she goes away. i asked him if when he last spoke to her if he told her we were getting married soon, and he said it was too short a conversation for it to come up. i was looking on his phone for a friends number (i had called them but didn't save their contact details) and i found out that he had spoken to her for about 15 minutes. surely that is long enough to mention " oh btw i am getting married in 3 months"?

 

can anyone explain why he would do that?

[Bryanp]

Hello,

 

You judge a person by their actions and not by their words and his actions are saying plenty. He sounds like a cake-eater. Her is disrespecting you. If the roles were reversed do you honestly think he would put up with such disrespecting behavior from you with another man? I think you should postpone your wedding. If he will not stand up for you 3 months before your wedding what do you think he will do after you are married? Something sounds very very wrong here.

[Trialbyfire]

You cannot make her leave, only your fiancé can. I also agree that you should postpone your wedding until you have a comfort level of his commitment, if ever. He has to man up and do his part or your marriage isn't going to last long.

[dbtmarley]

In my opinion he probably has fed her a line of BS just as he is probably doing to you. Just my opinion. I am wondering if the reason he is not telling her is because he is afraid of her talking to you about his BS.

 

I don't think you should marry this guy just yet. I think you should get a better understanding of what is going on and if my suspicions are correct you should just move on.

[BlueEyedSarah]

This guy does not sound right to me. I would hate for you to get hurt when married to him...

 

I think it would be best if you prospone the wedding and leave this guy al together.

[Aloros]

I'm not going to necessarily say postpone the wedding. It sounds to me like he may have issues with confrontation. He KNOWS that something is going to go down as soon as he tells this girl he's getting married. He's avoiding the issue. He's avoiding telling her that he really doesn't want to be around her anymore.

 

You really have to put your foot down. Sit him down and make it clear that this is unacceptable. He can't just sit around and wait for her to "fade" away. She's still clinging to some false idea that he enjoys her company and maybe she still has some chance.

 

You are his priority now. You're going to be family. He needs to take a stand and tell her clearly, to back off. You need to know that you can rely on him, and he's letting you down. As soon as she gave you wrong directions, he should have stood up for you and turned her away as a friend.

 

I know if one of my bfs friends ever says something bad about me or is rude to me in some way, he is the FIRST one to chastise them for it.

 

I'd tell him he needs to call her and tell her clearly that he is getting married and he does not wish to be friends with her anymore. Yes, he'll probably feel bad for hurting her feelings, but whose feelings are more important anyway? Hers or yours?

 

Good luck!

[Trialbyfire]

What do you want, a man or a mouse? If he's unable to handle a situation that he created, is this the kind of man you want to call your mate?

[rumours83]

I'm not going to necessarily say postpone the wedding. It sounds to me like he may have issues with confrontation. He KNOWS that something is going to go down as soon as he tells this girl he's getting married. He's avoiding the issue. He's avoiding telling her that he really doesn't want to be around her anymore.

 

You really have to put your foot down. Sit him down and make it clear that this is unacceptable. He can't just sit around and wait for her to "fade" away. She's still clinging to some false idea that he enjoys her company and maybe she still has some chance.

 

You are his priority now. You're going to be family. He needs to take a stand and tell her clearly, to back off. You need to know that you can rely on him, and he's letting you down. As soon as she gave you wrong directions, he should have stood up for you and turned her away as a friend.

 

I know if one of my bfs friends ever says something bad about me or is rude to me in some way, he is the FIRST one to chastise them for it.

 

I'd tell him he needs to call her and tell her clearly that he is getting married and he does not wish to be friends with her anymore. Yes, he'll probably feel bad for hurting her feelings, but whose feelings are more important anyway? Hers or yours?

 

Good luck!

 

yeah i spoke to him about it last night, because i was so angry i didn't stop to think that maybe he was talking about his parents with her - his mum is very very ill at the moment. that made me feel bad, but then again she had enough time to tell him about a trip she had returned from. i think he knows something is up, and that the sh*t might hit the fan as she text him this morning, saying that he should call her if he needed anything, but hid his phone as he read it, i saw it was from her and he told me what it said but then deleted straight away. i know he loves me, i don't think he wants anything to do with her like that but there will be a point when he will have to tell her to back off. i am just pissed off that she doesn't know i am still with him she really didn't give a f*ck about me in the first place, and was only concerned with him. I told him she shouldn't come to our wedding - his family and his best friend don't like her. i think he thinks that if he tells her he is getting married she will expect to be invited which would just be uncomfortable for everyone involved, i guess that is why he didn't tell her. we both still very much want to get married, that was never going to be put of, i do trust him, its just so awkward when she calls or texts.

[BlueEyedSarah]

Throw he's phone out the window, then she wont call again!

 

Or get a new phone and don't contact her, if he respects you and loves you then he needs to stop contacting this girl all together.

[frygirl]

Don't postpone your wedding over this !

 

He's just being a guy. Guys hate confronting women, especially women that they think like them. Its awkward and a fate worse than death for most guys. That is why so many guys just start avoiding girls when they want to break up. Its just what they do.

 

I suspect in this case, he just doesn't want to have to have "that" conversation with her. It would be weird and he would also have to awknowledge that she is after him and she would probably freak out and start yelling at him or crying. Guys hate that. If he tells her about the wedding, she'll expect to be invited and then he'll have to explain why she isn't and it will just be awkward and the afore mentioned scene will occur.

 

He's being a big wuss about it, but it has nothing to do with disrespecting you. He just doesn't want to deal with her and thinks if he ignores her she'll go away. If you trust him enough to marry him, I would think you could give him the benefit of the doubt on this.

 

Also, odds are she already has heard he is getting married from a mutual friend and is just suddenly calling him to cause trouble. Don't let her ruin this special time for you. She's not worth another thought.

[rumours83]

I'm not going to necessarily say postpone the wedding. It sounds to me like he may have issues with confrontation. He KNOWS that something is going to go down as soon as he tells this girl he's getting married. He's avoiding the issue. He's avoiding telling her that he really doesn't want to be around her anymore.

 

You really have to put your foot down. Sit him down and make it clear that this is unacceptable. He can't just sit around and wait for her to "fade" away. She's still clinging to some false idea that he enjoys her company and maybe she still has some chance.

 

You are his priority now. You're going to be family. He needs to take a stand and tell her clearly, to back off. You need to know that you can rely on him, and he's letting you down. As soon as she gave you wrong directions, he should have stood up for you and turned her away as a friend.

 

I know if one of my bfs friends ever says something bad about me or is rude to me in some way, he is the FIRST one to chastise them for it.

 

I'd tell him he needs to call her and tell her clearly that he is getting married and he does not wish to be friends with her anymore. Yes, he'll probably feel bad for hurting her feelings, but whose feelings are more important anyway? Hers or yours?

 

Good luck!

 

Don't postpone your wedding over this !

 

He's just being a guy. Guys hate confronting women, especially women that they think like them. Its awkward and a fate worse than death for most guys. That is why so many guys just start avoiding girls when they want to break up. Its just what they do.

 

I suspect in this case, he just doesn't want to have to have "that" conversation with her. It would be weird and he would also have to awknowledge that she is after him and she would probably freak out and start yelling at him or crying. Guys hate that. If he tells her about the wedding, she'll expect to be invited and then he'll have to explain why she isn't and it will just be awkward and the afore mentioned scene will occur.

 

He's being a big wuss about it, but it has nothing to do with disrespecting you. He just doesn't want to deal with her and thinks if he ignores her she'll go away. If you trust him enough to marry him, I would think you could give him the benefit of the doubt on this.

 

Also, odds are she already has heard he is getting married from a mutual friend and is just suddenly calling him to cause trouble. Don't let her ruin this special time for you. She's not worth another thought.

 

it's strange because she has never been a part of his group of friends, so i don't think she will know he is getting married. basically he lost contact with her when he was in previous relationships, i think deep down he knows it is because their "friendship" is inappropriate. it was a long time ago since the last wave of contact with her, and it began again recently when she left a message on his phone. he stopped contact with her previously because i asked him to. he said he had to respond to her message because of his mum, and its given her the green light to be in contact with him again. i feel betrayed because i didn't want him to respond to the message at all, or if he did tell her again that it was not appropriate for them to be friends. he is a coward because when she text him he hid it from me because he knew i wouldn't approve - he could have deleted it straight away without reading it but he didn't. because of the situation with his mum i know she will be in contact with him soon which pisses me off. i am also angry with him because whether the attraction is there or not, i have let him know that any contact with her hurts me, and also that he doesn't respect the fact that i have asked him to stop. also, i asked him why he lied to me about their past relationship, he said that they just messed around but i then found out he had slept with her - he says it is because he didn't want to hurt me, but i think he thought he could justify hanging around with her "just as a friend" if i didn't know their history.