Jim Posted February 4, 2003 Share Posted February 4, 2003 Hi, I'm 22 years old and I have come to a stage in my relationship with my 18 year girlfriend that I have noticed has happened in almost all the relationships that I have been in as if there is some sort of pattern. We have only been seeing each other for about 3 and a 1/2 months and everything has been fine upto the past week or so. Basically when we are with other people she acts her normal self, but when we are on our own she seems to sit there with the hump. I have tried talking to her (perhaps not saying the right thing), comforting her and even ignoring her, but none have any effect. Generally I can feel an atmosphere in the air. I feel as if she has built doubts about our relationship and is testing my worthyness but I'm really not sure how to tackle the situation because my mind is making up all sorts of different reasons for her being like this, and I'm worried that my mind will go into overload and I will end up snapping and messing the whole thing up. Does this sound familiar to anyone or am I just going mad? Jim Link to post Share on other sites
Tony T Posted February 4, 2003 Share Posted February 4, 2003 An 18-year-old is often not the best at communicating in a relationship so if you haven't yet gotten her to open up about what's going on it's not likely you will. I would take her claminess is a serious danger sign. You will have to talk to her one more time. Be calm and give an air of understanding. Let her know you've noticed this new behavior and it's unsettling to you. Further, let her know a continuation of it will not be acceptable in the context of the relationship and if things can't be talked out, the relationship will be destroyed...and it will. If she still doesn't open up or react, move on. All this may have absolutely nothing to do with you. It could be anything from PMS to depression, to things happening at her home or some personal problems she has. It is odd that she seems to be more herself when others are around but there are many who put on shows when in groups. There's really no point in putting yourself through this agony if it's going to continue. Give it a little more time...and if things don't normalize or you don't get definitive word as to what's happened...or going on in her life...to cause this behavior, go find someone who isn't so weird. And always remember, she's a very young lady at an age when a lot is happening in her development. Take that into consideration. Maybe you ought to find someone just a bit older. I don't think this is a test...but if it is it's pretty sick, in my opinion. There is no room for "tests" in a mature relationship. Link to post Share on other sites
Jim Posted February 4, 2003 Share Posted February 4, 2003 You have definately hit the nail on the head in regards to her opening up and telling me things. She is very self concious of her appearance (to which I dont agree). I dont know if this is due to one particular thing that has happened in the past or a series of things but whenever I try to find out why she is so concious she either completely ignores me (which really gets my back up, and recently I have been snapping at her due to this) or she changes the subject. I've tried different approaches of getting info out of her, ie. focusing on particular reasons why she maybe concious for example her 3 older brothers mocking her, friends mocking her or perhaps being ridiculed by someone she does not know. It does frustrate me that she cannot open up to me and perhaps this is starting to show that it frustrates me and maybe sending her further back into her shell. Thanks for your advice (anymore will be gladly received), I will try talking to her and see how it goes. Jim Link to post Share on other sites
Bizzit Posted February 9, 2003 Share Posted February 9, 2003 Originally posted by Tony I would take her claminess is a serious danger sign. I agree 100% Link to post Share on other sites
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