sunshine79 Posted June 12, 2007 Share Posted June 12, 2007 my fiance and i have a problem some nights...he'll fall asleep before me and the snoring begins! i can't sleep so i start poking him and making movements to wake him up...just when i get to sleep he starts again. i hate it. last night it started and by 15 mins he jsut got up and told me goodnight and went to the guest bed. so i talk to him this morning and he slept "great" and i slept great! then he made a comment, well i'll just start sleeping in there from now on. WHAT?!?! i told him i didn't wnat him to and he got irritated with me...i could tell what he was thinking, and partly he is true, 'why don't you want to get rest and let me get rest and let me sleep in the guest room?' andi want my rest but i don't want to be like 75 year old people liek my grandparents...so stupid. he's tried snore spray and snore strips and i've tried ear plugs but either i'm too light of a sleeper or he has a bad case of snoring!!! he won't go to the dr over "something this stupid" plus we don't have a lot of $$ so that's definitely out of the question atleast for now. what do i do?? sleep seperate and risk us becoming 'roommates' i don't know what to do. i'm in tears because i know this could ruin our relationship but then again coudl it better our relationship??????? someone help.... Link to post Share on other sites
EnigmaXOXO Posted June 12, 2007 Share Posted June 12, 2007 Compromise? Do as you’ve been doing. Continue going to bed together the same time every night. Cuddle, talk, have sex ... whatever routine you’ve grown accustomed to. This helps build intimacy. But instead of allowing yourselves to become irritable because neither of you is getting a good night’s rest (shaking, poking waking and complaining to the bear sleeping beside you) ... quietly slip away into another room once he falls asleep. After all, if you’re like me, you’re probably awake anyway. This will also save you from the second most popular pet peeve .... the slow-to-wake partner who sets their alarm to go off a half-hour early so they can hit the d*mn snooze button over and over again before finally getting up... Now, how annoying is THAT! Link to post Share on other sites
curiousnycgirl Posted June 12, 2007 Share Posted June 12, 2007 I completely understand and agree with your concern on this one. My bf and I had the same issue, only it was me that was snoring! We started just automatically going to separate rooms to sleep and it killed our intimacy. My snoring has gotten significantly better since I've lost weight (he saw a difference after only 10 lbs) - I don't know if this is your Fiance's issue - but it may be worth a try expecially if you can't afford a doctor. Otherwise learn to sleep on your side with one ear in the pillow and the other covered by your arm! However don't make sleeping in separate rooms the norm! Link to post Share on other sites
Reckless Posted June 12, 2007 Share Posted June 12, 2007 it will only ruin your relationship if you let it. You should both try and find as much infomation as you can about snoring remedies. Do a search on the web, (together, guilt free )to look for how other couples have successfully handled the problem. I don't know where you live but a visit to a doctor to consider your medical options shouldn't cost too much. As for sleeping apart, there's no reason why you cannot both have an active sex life and enjoy phyical closeness even if you do sleep in seperate rooms although I can totally understand that being something you shy away from at the moment: you only become "roomies" if you let the sex and intimacy slip. Being a couple isn't about not having (sometimes serious) problems, it's about handling those problems as a unit, its about making sure that NOT overcoming them isn't even an option. Seek medical help, consult experts, read up and don't let a single problem define your relationship. Link to post Share on other sites
Author sunshine79 Posted June 12, 2007 Author Share Posted June 12, 2007 great tips and thoughts everyone, thanks so much! i ordered me some ear plugs online...supposedly the BEST and were 15 bucks so we'll see if that helps. we've researched and this really only happens when we go to bed at teh same time...normally i'm asleep ojn the couch and he gets up and wakes me up so i'm sleepy enough to go right to sleep (i have to be up at 6 and him at 9) as far as weight...he's on a diet right now. he's always snored but considerably more since he has put weight on. he's lost 5 lbs and i can't tell a difference in the snoring but then again i do have bionic ears. lol i know we'll work through it. i guess the worst thing was he didn't seem to mind this morning when he said "i had great sleep, we'll hae to stick to sleeping in seperate rooms from now on" sure he's doing it for him and me but to not even think twice...that really bummed me out. i got quiet and we didn't talk much after that. he knows how i feel. so frustrating!! after 3 years we're having to think about sleeping separate?!wtf Link to post Share on other sites
curiousnycgirl Posted June 12, 2007 Share Posted June 12, 2007 I totally understand your response BUT remember he's a guy. He's found a solution to a problem - so he thinks its a good thing. He did not mean anything more to it than that! We women think through and past the obvious solution and get upset about the reprecussions - even though that's NOT what our guys meant! You two will be fine, I've got a good feeling. Link to post Share on other sites
Pilgrim Posted June 12, 2007 Share Posted June 12, 2007 Echo all the previous cautionary posts. Hard to close the door on the bedroom but keep the door open to emotional intimacy. I'm a snorer, my wife is supersensitive to it, and separate rooms has been a contributing factor in distance developing between us. I really missed the intimacy. Can you talk openly enough to him about the togetherness part rather than the practical side of it to help him understand (I'm not your typical guy in that respect - most guy's I know need it spelling out to them!) The sensitivity to another person breathing / noises etc only gets worse if you get out of the habit of being together. So far, after a concerted effort we are back to sleeping in the same place 1 nights per week - but I know my wife still finds this hard (we do so on a night where neither of us has to go to work the next day!) Stick with it - and keep talking about the real things that are important to you. Link to post Share on other sites
katiebour Posted June 18, 2007 Share Posted June 18, 2007 I guess it's just me- but the first thing I think about when I try to put myself in your shoes is: -Sneaking in on a Saturday morning to wake the S/O up with some good morning lovemaking! -Breakfast in bed (from either party) -Climbing in bed for good-morning snuggles after a good night's sleep. If my b/f and I had to sleep in separate rooms, the above and anything else I could think of would be on the list of things to do! Instead of making it a bad thing, think of all the ways it could introduce more intimacy/caring into your relationship! Link to post Share on other sites
Art_Critic Posted June 18, 2007 Share Posted June 18, 2007 earplugs..or cotton... other than that he would need to seek a medical opinion on the cause.. he may have a deviated septum that might need surgically fixed. Link to post Share on other sites
thelittlespoon Posted June 22, 2007 Share Posted June 22, 2007 I feel your pain because my boyfriend snores like a beast! I've grown quite used to it so it doesn't bother me as much anymore, but maybe your fiance could go see a specialist or something. If you guys will be sharing a bed for the rest of your lives, that's the least he could do. As far as your sleep goes, on the nights that he is really bad, just get up and go sleep in the other room. If you poke and prod until you wake him up, he's just gonna fall back asleep and start it up again. Just go sleep somewhere else to save your sanity. Maybe then he'll get the hint. Link to post Share on other sites
doiask42much Posted June 22, 2007 Share Posted June 22, 2007 Losing weight makes a big difference. My bf never used to snore at all but started to when he put on weight, so if your fiance continues to lose weight, I'm sure it will help, plus be healthier for him in general. Sleeping on his side will help (I read somewhere about taping a tennis ball to the lower back to make lying on his back uncomfortable, but I don't know how practical this is and have not tried it) and there are pillows that will help angle the head downward, as I have noticed he tends to snore when his head is tilted back. I have always found the earplugs idea unfeasible as they started to make the insides of my ears ache after a few hours. Maybe the ones you got are different? Link to post Share on other sites
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