LETTING GO?? HOW??

[michael]

Help me please! How is it after almost a year (3 wks),I still have very painful feelings about my ex-fiancee,also the first girl Id ever loved.i always placed so much importance in what she did or thought,I would always change who i was to please her,,even subconciously.She did ALOT of cruel things and I just never knew how to let go of that feeling called love.Well,I also raised her two year old son(who was really fatherless since birth),,, for two years and became very attatched.Well,last Nov.,after one of her usual one week break-ups,,we found out she was pregnant with twins! I was over-joyed with love and hope.Then one day,she had one of her outbursts over smoking cigarettes,something which I was opposed to during the pregnancy.I had finally had enough of her abuse and felt i needed to scare her.(last bit of desperation),but,it backfired.I broke up with her,and she was soon with another man,and without even telling me,had an abortion.I was crushed.Dead inside.I was clinically depressed over the loss of the children,her and my "first" son.After months of being apart,,She came back around after the new guy turned out to be abusive.pregnant by him this time.i could have easilt blew-up at her and called her nasty names (I thought them),and all that stuff,but i thought for any heeling to begin for me,I needed to try to forgive.So,for about a month or so we would see each other almost daily on a freinship basis.She needed a helping hand,,all on her own,,no money,,pregnant again.But,,she burned me again.Surprise! anyways,,,People,,please tell me,I am sooo sensitive,big-hearted,ect,,How do I let go of this idea of "love" and notr think about her all the time.At least daily. I have dated since her,,But Im never satisfied because i look for the qualities I loved about her.Any suggestions or insight from a ladies point of view.There is alot more to the story.Thanks for reading this far!

[simmer]

Help me please! How is it after almost a year (3 wks),I still have very painful feelings about my ex-fiancee,also the first girl Id ever loved.i always placed so much importance in what she did or thought,I would always change who i was to please her,,even subconciously.She did ALOT of cruel things and I just never knew how to let go of that feeling called love.Well,I also raised her two year old son(who was really fatherless since birth),,, for two years and became very attatched.Well,last Nov.,after one of her usual one week break-ups,,we found out she was pregnant with twins! I was over-joyed with love and hope.Then one day,she had one of her outbursts over smoking cigarettes,something which I was opposed to during the pregnancy.I had finally had enough of her abuse and felt i needed to scare her.(last bit of desperation),but,it backfired.I broke up with her,and she was soon with another man,and without even telling me,had an abortion.I was crushed.Dead inside.I was clinically depressed over the loss of the children,her and my "first" son.After months of being apart,,She came back around after the new guy turned out to be abusive.pregnant by him this time.i could have easilt blew-up at her and called her nasty names (I thought them),and all that stuff,but i thought for any heeling to begin for me,I needed to try to forgive.So,for about a month or so we would see each other almost daily on a freinship basis.She needed a helping hand,,all on her own,,no money,,pregnant again.But,,she burned me again.Surprise! anyways,,,People,,please tell me,I am sooo sensitive,big-hearted,ect,,How do I let go of this idea of "love" and notr think about her all the time.At least daily. I have dated since her,,But Im never satisfied because i look for the qualities I loved about her.Any suggestions or insight from a ladies point of view.There is alot more to the story.Thanks for reading this far!

 

Some people are users and abusers. Sorry to say this about someone you love, but she sounds like one. Not only do you have to deal with her leaving(and coming back and leaving,etc.), you have to deal with the loss of a child! You must be hurting terribly. Try to get over her. If you keep taking her back, nothing will change.

[Karen Langrehr]

It sounds to me like she is taking you for granted and you don't deserve to be hurt like this. She is using you because she feels and knows that you will not turn her down. I know you feel like it is your responsibility to comfort her, because of your past encounters and I know you love this person, but time heals a broken heart. Let go and change your number, if that is possible. Don't be a victim to this girl's abuse. I think her actions and way of treating you may have something to do with her childhood. I am 23, and I now realize that all my sexual problems and abandonment problems lead back to my childhood. She's got a problem and you deserve more than that. There are good people out there, just don't look. You must love yourself before you can love some one else. Take a break and find yourself and who you are, take a little "me" time.

[Guy]

Some things are unforgivable. When she aborted without even consulting you that should have been it. I can't tell you what to do but I'd have never talked to her again.

 

It sounds to me like she is taking you for granted and you don't deserve to be hurt like this. She is using you because she feels and knows that you will not turn her down. I know you feel like it is your responsibility to comfort her, because of your past encounters and I know you love this person, but time heals a broken heart. Let go and change your number, if that is possible. Don't be a victim to this girl's abuse. I think her actions and way of treating you may have something to do with her childhood. I am 23, and I now realize that all my sexual problems and abandonment problems lead back to my childhood. She's got a problem and you deserve more than that. There are good people out there, just don't look. You must love yourself before you can love some one else. Take a break and find yourself and who you are, take a little "me" time.

[Deb]

How about counseling? I am in a relationship with a husband who has maturity issues, drinks too much, has emotional attachment problems. I have found that I am able to forgive him for all of the things that he has done to me. I know that he loves me because of what I put up with. For a while I was pretty taken for granted, but have started to speak up for myself and my feelings. Having a serious talk with her, having a counselor talk to her, may help, but I have found really the only thing that works with us is that person has to accept responsibility for their themselves, grow up, and realize who loves them. In marriage we take a vow for better or worse. I am willing to stick through the worse part, and look forward to the better. Committment is very hard and in order for you to committ to this person, this person has prove worthy.

Help me please! How is it after almost a year (3 wks),I still have very painful feelings about my ex-fiancee,also the first girl Id ever loved.i always placed so much importance in what she did or thought,I would always change who i was to please her,,even subconciously.She did ALOT of cruel things and I just never knew how to let go of that feeling called love.Well,I also raised her two year old son(who was really fatherless since birth),,, for two years and became very attatched.Well,last Nov.,after one of her usual one week break-ups,,we found out she was pregnant with twins! I was over-joyed with love and hope.Then one day,she had one of her outbursts over smoking cigarettes,something which I was opposed to during the pregnancy.I had finally had enough of her abuse and felt i needed to scare her.(last bit of desperation),but,it backfired.I broke up with her,and she was soon with another man,and without even telling me,had an abortion.I was crushed.Dead inside.I was clinically depressed over the loss of the children,her and my "first" son.After months of being apart,,She came back around after the new guy turned out to be abusive.pregnant by him this time.i could have easilt blew-up at her and called her nasty names (I thought them),and all that stuff,but i thought for any heeling to begin for me,I needed to try to forgive.So,for about a month or so we would see each other almost daily on a freinship basis.She needed a helping hand,,all on her own,,no money,,pregnant again.But,,she burned me again.Surprise! anyways,,,People,,please tell me,I am sooo sensitive,big-hearted,ect,,How do I let go of this idea of "love" and notr think about her all the time.At least daily. I have dated since her,,But Im never satisfied because i look for the qualities I loved about her.Any suggestions or insight from a ladies point of view.There is alot more to the story.Thanks for reading this far!