Cat is out of the bag....

[bhsunny21]

I have been dating my bf for a little over a month now. We met online and grew close pretty fast. I really fell hard for him and have been happy, until recently.

 

My bf spends a lot of time out of town with his job, so I normally see him on the weekends. I don't have a problem with this since I am busy during the week as well. He usually calls me at night and we catch up on each other's days and make plans for when we will see each other. Last week, things began to be weird. He didn't call me 3 nights and didn't pick up when I called him. When I did finally talk to him, he was kind of short on the phone and just didn't seem to be himself. I finally just came out and asked him if he was avoiding me, since I had not seen him since he had been back and because his phone behavior. He said that he had just been busy with work and that things were fine with us.

 

But, my friend just told me that she was online at the same service that my bf and I met through. She said she saw his profile up searching for people in the city that he is in this week. I am crushed!! I told him I just wanted him to be honest with me if things weren't going well or if he felt differently. But he didn't. And now I find out through a friend of mine that he is out looking for women in one of his "ports", for lack of a better term.

 

I don't know if I should confront this and if I do, how. I have never been betrayed before in a relationshop. I don't want to call him, but I don't know if he will call me. I am just so livid at this time that I know I will not be rational if I talk to him. He knows how much honesty means to me and he has completely thrown any trust I had in him out the window. I never felt that I couldn't trust him and now I don't think I could ever again.

 

I don't know what to do next. Any advice? Thank you!

[clia]

You've been seeing this guy a month?

 

Are you sure you are exclusive? Did you two have a talk and agree that you were only going to see each other? Sometimes sleeping together implies exclusivity, but not always.

 

The online world of dating is very different than real life, at least IMO, due to the sheer volume of people out there to date. Often when you meet someone on line, they are already dating someone else, or have other dates set up for the future. It is a multipler dater's dream. Most people I know who do online dating don't stop doing it immediately when they meet someone they like, because you never know what might happen. In fact, even in real life, I don't see people dropping everything just because they meet a guy/girl they particularly like. They usually wait at least a couple of months and see where things go and if it is worth pursuing.

 

That's why I ask if you two had "the talk." If not, he may think things aren't as serious yet as you do, and thus, that's why he's still browsing around. This doesn't mean he doesn't have feelings toward you--it just means that your relationship is new, so he is still looking around in case things don't work out. You may have a very good chance of rising to the top (as happens in the world of multiple dating.)

 

I don't know, personally I don't know why people jump to the gf/bf relationship so quickly these days. I like to give it a few months to see if it's really worth getting into.

 

BUT...I don't think you should say anything. I think you should just put your profile back up and start dating others.

 

If you absolutely must say something, you could, but I tend to think a relationship talk at the one month mark is a little early.

[bhsunny21]

We had the 'are we a thing' talk just before he started acting strange. He was the one who brought it up. I know what you mean with the online dating world. I am not new to it. When he and I started talking I had a couple other guys on the line too. I just kind of phased them out as I began seeing more and more of him. I normally do not rush into things or anything, but it just seemed right. Now I know it was too soon.