Anger is over...Feelings kicking in..

[Monicca]

It's been a couple of weeks since we both decided he should leave..Now all these feelings are hitting me at once..I made the mortgage, he paid the bills..So I thought..I don't want to answer the phone because someone wants to be paid..Everything is past due.."FEAR" I can't/won't ask my family for help..I can't let them see me like this.."SHAME" I'm lucky I have a neighborhood store that allowed me credit, or else I wouldn't have any food in the house.."EMBARRASSMENT" I thank God that I have a fulltime job, but I barely make the mortgage..We were married 21 years...21 years! Now I'm missing him, and I'm upset with myself about it.."Confusion"

I feel lost....Everything I did was for him and our Son..My Son has a life of his own now..I can't lay my problems on him..That wouldn't be fair to him.

Somewhere down the line I lost myself..Now it's time to find ME again...I KNOW THIS!!! I just don't know where to start...Does this sound CRAZY or

what??? I don't believe in "Pity Parties" and I refuse to bury my head in the sand...But I just can't shake this feeling of being lost...How long is this feeling supposed to last??? Can anybody tell me? My so-called

"friends" tell me I should start going out...I don't like clubs or the bar scene..I'm not looking for another man, but I could use some NEW friends..I would appreciate any feedback you can give me...

Thanks..Monicca

[azianpride143]

I don't think your ready to meet anyone soon. Your still going through "withdrawals". You need time to grieve, pick yourself up, and work on yourself before you can truly move on. Do not jump from one frying pan to another. Meeting someone will come at the right time when your ready. Just don't rush into it since your still going through a lot of emotions. Just keep posting here in LS.

[TXButterfly]

i'm new to my journey so i don't feel all that equipped to give advice yet but i just wanted to offer a hug & some support...everyone here seems to be very eager to help and it is good to "get it out" by posting (sortof like journaling your feelings).

 

it makes me sad to hear you won't share this with your family. you need someone you can trust, a non-judgmental party who can listen and let you share what is going on. the financial woes make the end of a marriage even more confusing and frightening, as I, too am learning. Find someone you can share these shame feelings with, if you get them out they won't hold so much power over you & they'll be replaced with support, advice, etc. that will make you stronger.

 

clear out the clutter and make way for something good in its place.

[Trialbyfire]

Monicca, many of us can relate to where you are in your emotions.

 

One thought. Have you considered selling your home? It's not a bad idea to change your surroundings, perhaps find something smaller like an apartment, something you can call your own but also, you can unload the heavy mortgage. The last thing you need right now are financial woes.

 

If at all possible, try to keep yourself busy, like going for walks daily, anything physical. It helps.

[quiet1one1]

I too am sorry you feel like you cannot go to your family. I've leaned on various people; my Mom, my Uncle, even all the way "down" to long-lost friends. In every case, they've been rock solid for me! They also have not judged me, my actions, or my feelings in any way. I do admit I'm kind of different in that I feel what I feel, I say what I say, and I don't really care who knows what. I'm hurting and I will look for help. I would be there in the same way for someone who looked to me for support.

 

Even if it's only for emotional support, please reconsider asking for help from anyone ~close~. You may be surprised who or what you find.

 

Good luck. Keep posting.