confused2007 Posted June 13, 2007 Share Posted June 13, 2007 So here's my sob story. I'm 24 and I've been with my g/f (Well now ex) for 2 years and we decided to live together. Eventually things took a downward spiral, b/c of where we stayed and not b/c of the realtionship, and we both temporarily moved back home with our parents. Since then, I thought, everything was still going fine until 3 days ago. We got into a minor argument and I didn't want to see her one night and she decided she was going to stay at a friend's apt while whom was out of town. She called some guy that she's known for 4 years to come pick her up and take her out to a bar. I've never seen nor heard of the guy, but I found out she has known him for a while and just lost contact with him. They both got waisted and went back to where she was staying. At about 3:45 am I went to see her where I saw this guy walking out when we were walking in. I then pounded on the door until she answered, and boy did she answer. She opened the door waisted and topless holding a shirt over her chest. She repeatedly lied to me saying nothing happened and that she threw-up on herself and was about to take a shower. I finally dug up the truth with her and she said they madeout but no sex. Let me remind you I TOTALLY trusted this person with everything I had. I felt so betrayed and its eating me up not to mention destroying my ego. She begs for a chance of forgiveness but I told her I can't get over that she did that and permenant damage like that is irreversible. I am so messed up mentally, physically, and emotionally I can't function. So my question is, does someone like that deserve a second chance? What's everyone's opinion? Link to post Share on other sites
Bryanp Posted June 13, 2007 Share Posted June 13, 2007 Stick with your original choice. If you think she did not have sex then you are in big time denial. You judge a person by their actions and not by their words. You deserve better. If you do not respect yourself then who will? Link to post Share on other sites
Author confused2007 Posted June 13, 2007 Author Share Posted June 13, 2007 Thanks. I actually told her the same exact thing. I just can't imagine why someone cheats. It's so destructive to the victim. I can't eat, sleep, think, work - I can't function! It' guess it's just not in my bloood to do that. I guess Karma works in mysterious ways though. Link to post Share on other sites
LakesideDream Posted June 13, 2007 Share Posted June 13, 2007 Thanks. I actually told her the same exact thing. I just can't imagine why someone cheats. It's so destructive to the victim. I can't eat, sleep, think, work - I can't function! It' guess it's just not in my bloood to do that. I guess Karma works in mysterious ways though. You don't need an imagination to know why people cheat. Read a few threads here. The cheater is thinking about themselves. The fact that often the non-cheating victim as you write "can't eat, sleep, think, work, or function" is an added bonus they can enjoy at the moment and remember as a reminder of how important and powerful they were for a lifetime. Dump this scank. Link to post Share on other sites
Star Gazer Posted June 13, 2007 Share Posted June 13, 2007 Dump this scank. Correction: "skank." I have no tolerance for cheating. Walk away. Link to post Share on other sites
oppath Posted June 13, 2007 Share Posted June 13, 2007 Integrity means having a hierarchy of values and being consistent in living according to them. Humans aren't infallible, so someone with integrity is allowed to make mistakes, however, for someone to be committed to another, to claim to love them, etc, and act in any way otherwise...it's inimical and demonstrates a lack of integrity. Cheating is the worst example, because someone claims to love someone but clearly does not. Lying ranks up there too, as having NO INTEGRITY. Even if sex did not occur, trust was completely violated. Get it into your head NOW how unforgivable this is. Moving on will be tough, you feel victimized. My ex lied to me -- possibly cheated on me -- and months later, I feel victimized and want to forgive her. Don't fall into this mental trap. Start hating her now and realize how unacceptable her behavior was. Her actions demonstrate a lack of integrity in her own life and a lack of respect to you. Link to post Share on other sites
bish Posted June 13, 2007 Share Posted June 13, 2007 So my question is, does someone like that deserve a second chance? What's everyone's opinion? HELL NO! this tramp doesn't deserve a 2nd chance whatsoever. You get into an argument once and she immediately calls up another guy to screw? Now way man. Leave this girl on the street like the trash she is. She is not worth your time. Link to post Share on other sites
GreenX Posted June 13, 2007 Share Posted June 13, 2007 She begs for a chance of forgiveness but I told her I can't get over that she did that and permenant damage like that is irreversible. I am so messed up mentally, physically, and emotionally I can't function. So my question is, does someone like that deserve a second chance? What's everyone's opinion? You answered that yourself dear. I think you should just let this one go. I agree, cheating has no place in any relationship. The damage is irreversible, selfish, and uncalled for. Why can't people just fess up beforehand, let their partner know how unhappy they are.. tell them they wanna go bang someone else and be done with it? Why not let the person be free from their lies and find someone who will dedicate themselves to them alone? I just don't get it, and never will I suppose. Cheating will never end, but, you can control who you are with - she put cancer into your relationship, treat it before it takes over. Link to post Share on other sites
Author confused2007 Posted June 13, 2007 Author Share Posted June 13, 2007 I guess there were red flags that I should of picked up on. Let me explain, she was the "needy" type. Always going out of her way to please me, never sticking up for herself - a pushover, and not arguing back. She always needed reassurance that I loved her and wanted to marry her when I finished college (6 months from now). Always wanting to cuddle, hold hands, kiss, etc. I started feeling smothered and I found it hard to always tell her that I love her. I'm just not that that open, all the time, with my feelings. I know it's kind of cold but I told her I will always love her and there's no need to say it everyday all day. I further told her if my feelings changed I would let her know. Point blank! Somehow it makes me feel guilty that I should of showed my emotions more for her. Am i wrong for this? Does anyone have any coping techniques that work when getting over their unfaithful partner? I don't have a whole lot of people I can talk to, so any insight is much appreciated. Thanks Link to post Share on other sites
reservoirdog1 Posted June 13, 2007 Share Posted June 13, 2007 You did the right thing by ending it with her. Anybody in a relationship who would run out and fyck somebody else (let's face it, that's what she did) just because of a minor argument is not somebody you want to be in a relationship with. As far as "coping techniques": if at all possible, channel your pain and sadness into anger, and put it to good use at the gym. Get out with friends as much as possible -- you don't have to talk about what happened with them, just get out and have a good time. Flirt with women. Get out there and date. Experience life again. Your life's not over just because she's not in it -- it can be great again. Link to post Share on other sites
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