Told My Best Guy Friend My Feelings, Now What?

[invizibletearz]

I've been friends with my best guy friend for about 7 months now. I never looked at him more than friends at first, developing feelings for him snuck up on me. Well, he is 31 and I am 25. We hit it off really fast and became so close that we are never apart for more than 1 day. Yes, we see eachother everyday, that's how close we are and never get tired of eachother. He's perfect, everything I've wanted in a man all my life- well mannered, respectful, kind, funny, good personality, you name it. He has met my parents and they love him, and he has met other family members. After about 2 months into the friendship, I realized I liked him and decided to tell him, which for me is the most hardest kind of thing to do. I know this is kinda high schoolish, but I confessed in writing. So he is aware of how I feel now, but I never got an answer from him. Like if he feels the same or if he doesn't and just wants to be friends. Our friendship hasn't changed either, it's actually gotten better since. My feelings have gotten much stronger since then too. So he doesn't act funny around me because he knows. Well, what now? Why won't he respond to my feelings? I've asked him to at least reply back but I still get nothing. He acts as if my confession never happened. Some of our friends say they think he likes me back and even tease us saying we're like a married couple. I'm going extremely crazy over this and over him too. What do I do?

[Poboy]

quite strange if he hasnt replied yet ... most probably from the fear of hurting your feelings ( loosing you )if he isnt interested and just want to be friends wth you. there could be more reasons ( he is shy , he is confused , he has some other interst girl ) but only he knows so talk to him why he hasnt replied as of yet and tell him you need an answer asap.

[huh]

I agree, talking it out is the best option. I agree with Poboy that he may be afraid of losing the friendship. Maybe you can say something like, "our friendship is important and will still be there one way or the other but I'd like to know where I stand". He might be afraid of losing the friendship if you 2 pursue a romantic relationship and it doesn't work out or the feeling may not be mutual and he doesn't want to hurt your feelings. The only way to know which is to talk about it. I know that's not easy, but it really is necessary.

 

If he is interested, you'll never know if it'll work out until you try being in a relationship. If he's not interested, it will hurt at first, but at least you'll know where you stand and you won't be wasting your time & energy. Good luck & let us know how it goes.

[invizibletearz]

Thanks for the help from both of you. It's greatly appreciated. Well, we are still friends. I've also tried bringing the situation up with him alone more than once, he said ok each time, but we would both get side tracked with something. I don't know if he would do it on purpose to get me to forget about talking it over or not but we never got to talk it over. Also, 2 days ago, he left out of state to take care of his sick father and would not return for at least 6 months now. We only communicate by letters or emails now every once in awhile. I'm taking this pretty hard but the days will get easier I know. So, if he sort of ignores my request to talk it over, what does this mean then?? Any replies back are welcomed. Thanks!!

[LoveLace]

For guys, I don't think in writing is the best way to go. I"m guilty of doing it that way, too. Men have to be cornered if they are the type to avoid confrontation. You have to get him to yourself (it'll have to be over the phone since he's away now-- NO email) and say let's talk about this right now...not in a bitchy way, just be stern. He'll have to be in a situation that won't allow him to avoid the topic.

 

By not responding to your letter, I don't think it necessarily means he has no feelings, because he continued to hang out with you regurlarly after. If your feelings weirded him out, he would have backed off. However, this doesn't mean he has mutual feelings for you, either. It could be that he just wants to feel this friendship out at this point, in order to evaluate his own feelings. I'm not saying he actually maps it out this way in his head...but subconsiously that could be what he's doing. If he absolutely knew how he felt for sure, I think he wouldv'e told you either way by now.

 

His time away could be good for you both, to miss each other and perhaps absence makes the heart grow fonder. This especially will give him space to think it all over. Bottom line though, you'll have to corner him to get real answers. There is no way to do this without it causing him to feel pressured. You have to accept that before going through with it. Let us know!

[guitar71]

a few things....some guys like to pursue (and being pursued may freak them out)......

 

he knows how you feel - let him be. if he likes you more than friends, he will respond - but don't wait forever.

 

it sounds like he is avoiding talking about this - pushing it may not help.

 

let him chase you a bit - if he doesn't - well actions speak loudly

[Hitman10000]

You know if this were to happen to me... as in a female friend coming over and telling me how all these months/years she's been attracted to me. (this is my personality, probably not shared by other men) I would nod and go hmm, and then proceed on making out with her just to test the waters. I make my decision right there. If I like her I will tell her to leave and setup date in a couple days, if I don't like her I will not call her anymore but I will be receptive to talking to her still. If the second option makes the girl more crazy and frustrated that I'm not doing anything, I will tell her to go away as it is now complicating matters at hand.

 

You took a risk, if he isn't going to show you his cards, you can always fold and bid g'luck or keep in contact but hope for nothing more.

[nasdxxx]

Thats a little bit of a tricky situation....

 

I was faced with a situation where i had to ask by best friend of over 16 years if he was havinga crush on me, because i could see the signs anyway, but did not want to act on my assumptions so i asked him... Everybody around us was saying we seemed close like we were dating including his family. We hadnt met for four years as he had been abroad at college... so i wasnt sure if what i was seeing in him as an interest was right... When i asked him on via tezt messaging...point blank, he didnt answer it the way i expected... He just went quiet and then an hour later he asked me to a movie at the cinema.... We continued to spend time together coz he was back only on holiday... Later we found a way of talking about it cos he had a few days to leave...

 

So i would think he has an interest in you, but guys sometimes just dont talk about feelings and certainly its very unlikely that he will give you a response in writting... It might come in his actions for now. Just hang in there and continue to have fun becasue either way, if he doesnt want a relationship, by him continuing to hang out with you, means he still wants to be friends... If he wants a relationship....then something has alraedy started..

 

Enjoy what you do together and dont ask him anymore about your reply for now or you may end up looking needy

[invizibletearz]

Well, for an update, 'my guy' is still far far away from me back in his home state taking care of his sick father. We don't get to talk much, and I'm taking it very hard that he is away and we don't spend time together anymore like we used to. But I have a question. When he was living out here and when we were spending time with each other, sometimes he would touch my leg, hand or shoulder gently. Play around by teasing, say some comments that completely sounded like flirting, holding doors open for me, etc. Then there were times that seemed sudden that he was totally opposite. Not in a bad way, he just seemed like he would pull back but still be a nice friend. So, I was confused. I didn't know if he was showing that he actually does like me or if he was just being polite, because he is a very very kind and sweet guy. I'd appreciate any answers to this question.

[LoveLace]

Well, for an update, 'my guy' is still far far away from me back in his home state taking care of his sick father. We don't get to talk much, and I'm taking it very hard that he is away and we don't spend time together anymore like we used to. But I have a question. When he was living out here and when we were spending time with each other, sometimes he would touch my leg, hand or shoulder gently. Play around by teasing, say some comments that completely sounded like flirting, holding doors open for me, etc. Then there were times that seemed sudden that he was totally opposite. Not in a bad way, he just seemed like he would pull back but still be a nice friend. So, I was confused. I didn't know if he was showing that he actually does like me or if he was just being polite, because he is a very very kind and sweet guy. I'd appreciate any answers to this question.

 

Well if you ever read Mars Vs. Venus and agree with the concept...men are like "rubber bands" and have a tendency to pull back and bounce back over and over.

 

But I also read something recently that stated guys will sometimes recall how they acted with a woman and think "I probably gave off too many signs"..something along those lines...because for them to show their feelings too much is like a sign of weakness; so then he might switch gears and act like Mr. Macho - I-dont'-care kind of attitude. Makes sense to me, I've seen a billion guys do it...not sure that they necessarily KNOW they are doing it though.