siestakeypat Posted February 4, 2003 Share Posted February 4, 2003 I started up a relationship with a former old boyfriend after seeing him again recently; he works nights in a nightclub so our time together is few and far between; he calls me all the time and leaves me voice messages when he goes to work and when he gets off; i do the same; he can't wait to see me and i the same on his day off. but then after we made love and when we made love he wants to know all about my lovers (past) and what they did to me sexually and what i did to them...as it turns him on....and gets him off! but then as we are laying in bed..he then asks me...have you been with anybody since you started seeing me? well...funny thing is... i did see on a whim my old boyfriend who has been pestering me...the relationship is waning...over. but i did see him over the weekend and i told john this...and he has now acted strange and not called me and recoiled! he is controlling very much so..he wants me to be submissive as a lover all the time... what gives..i was honest and told him it was over with me and michael and i would not see him anymore...please advice on this...what is with control freak guys? Link to post Share on other sites
Tony T Posted February 5, 2003 Share Posted February 5, 2003 You have to use a little common sense about these things. A guy who gets off hearing about your previous sexcapades is not looking to hear that you screwed your ex boyfriend over the weekend!!! That's something you should have clearly kept to yourself. This should be a lesson for you. Personally, I don't reveal any of my sexual past to any ladies I date. I usually go out with females who have enough class to honor and respect my privacy. But if a lady ever wanted to know if I had been involved with anybody sexually since I had been dating them and I said "Oh, yeah, I screwed an ex's brains out this past weekend" I would automatically expect never to see or hear from them again. I mean it doesn't take a rocket scientist to figure out how a guy would react to what you disclosed. You had to want somehow to drive him away. Write this guy off and start over with somebody else and zip your lips when it comes to your personal life away from any particular individual. Link to post Share on other sites
Bill Posted February 5, 2003 Share Posted February 5, 2003 That would make any guy nuts, hearing that his girlfriend slept with an ex while in the current relationship! My question is, why did you cheat? Link to post Share on other sites
Author siestakeypat Posted February 6, 2003 Author Share Posted February 6, 2003 I thank you both for your frank and direct comments! Yes i did mess up by seeing my former boyfriend! i guess i wanted to see him that's the thing! and it was oral sex, we did not have intercourse! because that is what get's my new lover off hearing about how i get off my guys' off that way (orally) and he thinks i am good at it! but then when we were done --he then asked me who have you been with?since you started seeing me...and i can't lie i guess...i don't like it! and it is over with michael and me..but i don't like being dishonest that way and i told john that it was over(with michael &I) and wouldnn't see him anymore! so i guess i burnt that bridge didn't i? what can i do to make it up to him(john)...he did call me back once..but seems to have cooled it...somewhat...not like before! i really like him so much--john!!! Link to post Share on other sites
smurfy73nik Posted February 6, 2003 Share Posted February 6, 2003 Well, I'm not sure if I understand what you mean by "controlling boyfriend". From what you described, he didn't sound "controlling". As far as, what he likes to hear in the bedroom, (you talking about former lovers) I think it is just "dirty talk" to stimulate the situation. I know my lover (during sex) likes to hear me describe "sexual escapades" with other men or women. In reality, I do not DO any of it. And, he would be completely "ticked off" if I did. It's just "fantasy". So, I believe your boyfriend likes to hear about that stuff because it is erotic; however, I don't think he really wants you out there doing it. So, naturally he was upset about what occurred. I think it was good that you were honest about what you did. To me, it shows guilt and remorse. Personally, if my lover ever cheats on me I want to know! It's better to hear it from you than to find out some other way. So, even though your confession might cost you your relationship, I believe it is better to have an open and honest relationship than to have one with deceit. Hope he forgives you and learns to trust you again. Link to post Share on other sites
Author siestakeypat Posted February 8, 2003 Author Share Posted February 8, 2003 your message was insightful...i think you are right! he may just not be controlling...he gets off by being told these things as part of "erotica"...yes, you are probably right! and the thing is he came back to me the other morning after work and had "suspected" that i had been with my former boyfriend...and by telling him the truth and not lying to him...i was better off and he trusts me...he had suspected that when he had called me that one morning i had someone here previously...the way i was talking! i had to confess up to him...if i had been dishonest, and lied he would had known. but i was truthful! and he liked that. i have told him i won't see the other guy anymore and he (john)is the one for me and he knows it! i have been more that overboard in that department! so far so good. but you are right....so right....that talking dirty is part of getting him off! you are smart! Link to post Share on other sites
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