Surrendered Wife

[katiebour]

Surrender myself? Do you mean my BODY, MIND and SOUL to some MAN?

 

LOL

 

Not to SOME MAN, and not your body, mind and soul. The essence of the book is that you're surrendering your unneccessary control over his actions, decisions, and thoughts. According to the book you can also surrender a variety of responsibilities to him, which in doing so will allow him to step up and feel more connected to his family. The merits of certain requests in the book, such as giving up responsibility for your shared finances (keeping, of course, your own personal finances for your own personal needs and wants) are debatable and although I liked the book in general even I am not sure about completely giving over the finances. But then again, I'm not married, and I have debts of my own that I take care of myself, so I'm not exactly a candidate for that kind of surrendering as of yet.

 

The only thing I will ever surrender to some good-for-nothing pos man is my foot and it will be wedged so far up their ass.

 

This book is not about having respect for "some good for nothing pos man" or "some man." It is about surrendering to your trusted loved one, a man who is one of the good guys (not an addict, abuser, etc.) It is not telling you to surrender to any man.

 

Men are incapable of taking an ounce of criticism or responsibility for their actions.

 

That is a cruel and quite inaccurate thing to say, as the many great guys on this website stand evidence to- as well as the many great guys in the lives of many of us here. Sweeping generalizations based on gender have as much basis in reality as saying "All women like strawberries" or "All men like to work out." Every person is different and is capable of doing many different things regardless of gender. I don't believe that being a man or a woman confers on us any special worth.

 

Women are ALWAYS the ones who need to change in a relationship... what a bunch of bs and they wonder why we turn lesbian.

 

Sigh. There are so many men who bend over backwards to try and please women- you have only to read the threads on this site. And this book is NOT about who needs to change in a relationship- you can't change your partner, so frankly the only person you have to work on is you. That is why this book is titled "the Surrendered Wife" rather than "the Surrendered Husband;" trying to make your man read such a book would just constitute another form of control.

 

And frankly I love men waaaaaay too much to ever "turn lesbian."

 

So women need to mostly shut up in a relationship? (Ultimately surrendering my mind) In how many years will the next conversation be then?

 

Women need to shut up when they are being rude, domineering, cruel, or dismissive. It would be nice if we could say that men should too- but again you can't make 'em do anything! The only person you can control is YOU, and frankly I think that a good portion of the "women need to watch what they say" part of the book hearkens back to the same thing your mother used to say- "if you can't say anything nice don't say anything at all."

 

Of course, this is assuming that you are trying to promote a harmonious relationship with someone you love.

 

And this is not to squelch conversation- it is possible to have a great many conversations without insulting or being condescending with the person you love.

 

 

Men only eat, sleep and fuc8~!

 

Riiiiight. Because everyone knows that all the men walking around outside doing their jobs daily or mowing the lawn are actually really, really busy cross-dressing women who are making the earth turn while men are locked into a never-ending cycle of fridge-raiding, humping the dog (while the woman is busy running the rest of the world) and sleeping.

 

You sound like a really, really angry woman who hates men. I'm guessing you probably aren't in a relationship at the moment, much less a marriage, so frankly this book isn't for you.

 

Piss off.

[rble618740]

This thread is very interesting to me (though I have to admit I have not read every post on it).

 

I am a female attorney - which has no significance except that, as far as women go, I think that might conjure up the right image of me - aggressive, not afraid of conflict, etc.

 

One day, I said some vows and agreed to "become one" with the love of my life. For that to happen, there had to be some level of surrender. Surrender - I wasn't ready for and wasn't good at.

 

I spoke up EVERY time I thought my new husband was wrong (turns on the freeway and all). It turns out, that makes things very tough in a marriage. So...I read some books (not the particular one discussed in this post - but similar books). I spoke with a preacher (who I was afraid was going to tell me I had to be a doormat for my husband). I did some other things, as well. In any event, I keep my mouth shut more now. And you know what - my husband has responded by being a MUCH better husband. If I don't point out his mistakes, it's a funny thing, he'll realize it and come to me and apologize. It's amazing. It's counterintuitive. You don't have to be a doormat, but some people can make huge leaps from where they are now and find out - they are better for it (as is their marriage).

 

This skill has not only helped me in my marriage - it's helped me at work. I am a LOT more likely to get a desired outcome from someone when I cut them a little break on the small stuff.

 

I don't know how to fit this in with philosophy - I just know that giving "surrender" some consideration saved my marriage. And not in a "my marriage is happier because always gets his way" kinda' thing, but a "when I stopped judging him as a husband he became more accountable on his own" kinda' way.

 

Just a personal experience to add to the mix...

[child_of_isis]

I think one could easily change the "I had to surrender" to that of "giving my H respect".

 

Constantly belittling someone is disrespect. Be it woman, man or child.

 

This very well may have nothing to do with bettering yourself as a "wife", but as a person in general.