Turning things around and overcoming obstacles

[sockpuppet]

I've posted a few times of recent issues in the dating/relationship forum. I just came out of a year and some long relationship that was ended painfully. This girl was everything I ever wanted in someone, but I started to sabotage the relationship fairly early on due to my own insecurities.

 

Since then I've realized how much I've validated and defined myself by being with someone. I never expressed myself much to people, only for short bursts where I'm really confident, and then I generally choose 1 special girl to open up to, and when I do, I invest so much in them that if things go sour, it destroys me. This repression has hurt me over the years a lot- it's made me put myself in a cycle of not feeling like I'm ever good enough, and like I don't have much to offer people...even when there are plenty of times that is obviously not the case. My recent gf, I felt like she was way out of my league, and nobody else would have ever thought that.

 

This all started from a stupid event in Junior high when I was in the "popular group" and just a bad mix of things came together to give me the worst year of my life socially- afterwards I felt like I couldn't compete, I couldn't trust guy friends or girls as much, and I had a hard time really committing to ANYTHING I enjoyed. High School just deepened this as I slowly withdrew from the social world.

 

People hear me say this stuff and just think, "what the hell?" I'm a good looking guy, I have accomplished a lot. People just don't realize how long I've felt dead and unable to really perform up to my potential in any arena. I want to really BE me, to BE who I CAN, to be who I am when I've been in those short bursts of confidence, all the time. It's just easier said than done. I don't doubt it's going to take work, but I feel like I'm up against a lot. I didn't have a typical college experience..I lost some great friends transferring schools after my freshman year, and didn't get out and meet people at my new school, and then studied abroad for a year, so when I got back, I felt like all the other seniors had established groups of friends, and its so hard to make new ones.

 

Anyone have any similar experiences? Knowing you can be so much more, and knowing that deep down you really ARE that but being unable to let yourself loose to be happy and self-expressed? Any tips on how to get over your own personal hangups?

[whichwayisup]

Everyone goes through that, and all I can say is life WILL get better. That just comes with age, being more confident and learning/accepting yourself for who you are. You're young and are coming into your own person.

 

How to get over personal hang-ups? Don't worry what others think. You have NO control over that, people are going to do what they're gonna do so the only person that you have listen to is yourself. I know at times that's easier said than done because NOONE wants to be judged or criticized, unfortunately many people thrive off of others insecurities...So that's when the self confidence kicks in. If you have that and don't really care what others think, you'll OOZE that energy out there and people will respond more to your self confidence. Hope this makes sense.

 

Focus on finding ONE person you feel comfortable with and then build upon that.